Forgiveness doesn't need reconnection

Forgiveness is a gift we give ourselves. We make up our minds and our hearts to let go, knowing that carrying around anger and judgment toward others or ourselves is a burden we no longer wish to bear. This is a quote from Lessons in Truth. “To forgive does not simply mean to arrive at a place of indifference to those who do personal injury to us; it means far more than this. To forgive is to give for—to give some kind of actual definite good in return for evil given.” This may seem like a tall order but when done, we can see the results straightaway. I have known parents who forgave the person who killed their child. When I asked why, they said that if they had not, they would be consumed with anger and bitterness. Forgiveness was the answer.

For me forgiveness was hard going at the beginning. I knew I should forgive but when was actively hurting and fearful, this was very tough. As I moved through my healing, I was able to let go of many things: the illusion, the suffering, the personality disorder giving rise to the suffering, the funds lost and time wasted. As I let go of resentment, I begin to feel an indifference toward my ex-partner, and that was the beginning of forgiveness. Rather than giving something good to the ex-partner, I was able to give back some hope to the community of survivors.

Forgiveness is a conscious, deliberate decision to release feelings of vengeance toward a person or group who harmed or offended you not minding if they deserve it or we can simply put it as an act of pardoning an offender. Re-connection is the connection of things that have been previously severed(cut or sliced off). When we forgive others we are healed but when we do not forgive, we are sick.

Sometimes it is hard to forgive, but to forgive is like a precious gift to yourself and to the offender. Most times we hear people use “over my dead body should I forgive that man” but you will discover that your joy and happiness will never be complete. we should not hold on to the past offence, we should learn how to forgive as soon as possible. To forgive is one thing and to reconnect is another thing, many people can forgive but cannot reconnect. If we can reconnect, we will be healed from the root.

The process of re-connection should not give room to another harm, we can reconnect, but should not give opportunity to the offender. Re-connection is a process and should not be spontaneous. You can forgive your abusive spouse, but re-connection can be possible if he/she can change. Perhaps you have to forgive someone who is dead then forgiveness on your part requires that you do not hold bad feelings about the person or their deed. But, having forgiven them does not mean you ever have to trust them again. We have been commanded to love our neighbours; but we were never commanded to trust them. I have given things to people out of concern for them but I would never trust them to babysit my children.

However energetically yes, a willingness to experience the other as they are brings the understanding as to why the offense occurred and how we were the controlling participant in it occurring. When you realize that you are responsible because of who you are, where you are, what you did and didn’t do, said and didn’t say then you can fully forgive the other and awaken into a new way of being for yourself. Forgiveness does not require trust. Forgiving just means you do not harbor ill feelings and have moved on from the situation. Reconnection would require some confidence that it won't happen again. Forgive and forget but, to reconnect means you have to trust, expecting a different outcome.

Forgiveness just means not feeling negative towards the person. If it makes it easier, than you can cut the person out of your life. If a long time down the road you see them and don't feel angry or sad, you've forgiven them. Forgiveness doesn’t mean what happened was alright, and it doesn’t mean that person should still be welcomed in your life. Forgiveness just means that you've made peace with the pain, and you are ready to let it go.

Moreover, forgiveness is not something we do for others - it's something we do for ourselves. Not forgiving someone is the equivalent of staying trapped in a jail cell of bitterness, serving time for someone else's crime. You make the choice to either dwell on the pain caused by others or you forgive and move on. Gandhi Ji once said “The weak can never forgive. Forgiveness is the attribute of the strong." It takes a strong person to face pain head-on, forgive, and release it.

Forgiveness isn’t always about others - it's also about forgiving yourself. Guilt never makes anyone feel better. So always remember to forgive yourself and move on. To forgive someone is the highest, most beautiful form of love. You might just find that you get a sense of peace and happiness in return. If none of the above appeals to you, then you might want to take the advice of Oscar Wilde: “Always forgive your enemies. Nothing annoys them so much.” Cheers!