FORGIVENESS IS A COMMITMENT TO BUILD BRIDGES!!
Forgiveness is a Commitment!!
If our hearts are to be truly moved by forgiveness then we will necessarily desire to do something good and loving about it. Each of us is called to change the world we inhabit in some way, and for most of us that means in small acts of love, mercy and forgiveness. We begin in our homes, with our families, in our workplaces and we extend those acts of love, mercy and forgiveness to our friends, work colleagues, and wider communities. Mercy and forgiveness are the ready willingness to help anyone in need, especially in need of mercy, forgiveness, reconciliation, acceptance, care and love. Dedicating our life to forgiveness and mercy is a call for all of us to become missionaries of forgiveness and mercy in a world where there is so much that needs healing and cries out for mercy and forgiveness. Nearly all of us at sometime have been hurt by the actions or words of another. These wounds can leave you with bitter feelings but if you don’t practice forgiveness, you may be the one who pays most dearly. By embracing forgiveness, you embrace peace, hope, and joy. Forgiveness is a decision to let go of anger and resentment. The act that hurt you may always remain a part of your life, but forgiveness can lessen its grip on you and help you focus on the positive parts of your life. Forgiveness doesn’t mean that you deny the other person's responsibility for hurting you and it doesn’t minimize or justify the wrong. You can forgive the person without excusing the act. Forgiveness brings a kind of peace that helps you go on with life. Letting go of hurts makes way for compassion, kindness and peace and can lead to healthier relationships and less stress in your life. Forgiveness is a commitment to a process of change. A way to begin is by recognizing the value of forgiveness and its importance in your life at a given time. Then reflect on the facts of the situation, how you’ve reacted, and how this combination has affected your life, health and well-being. When you’re ready actively choose to forgive the person who offended you. Move away from your role of victim and release the control and power the offending person and situation have had in your life. As you let go of hurts, you’ll no longer define your life by how you’ve been hurt. You may even find compassion and understanding.
Building Bridges
As usual a story might help to explain what I am trying to relay. ‘Once upon a time two brothers, who lived on adjoining farms, fell into conflict with one another. It was the first serious rift in 40 years of farming side by side, sharing machinery, and trading labour and goods. Then the long collaboration fell apart. It began with a small misunderstanding and it grew into a major difference, and finally it exploded into an exchange of bitter words followed by weeks of silence. One morning there was a knock on the older brother’s door. He opened it to find a man with a carpenter’s toolbox. ‘I’m looking for a few days work’, the man said. ‘Perhaps you would have a few small jobs here and there. Could I help you?’ ‘Yes,’ said the older brother. ‘I do have a job for you. Look across the creek at that farm. That’s my neighbour, in fact it’s my younger brother. Last week there was a meadow between us and he took his bulldozer to the river levee and now there is a lake between us. Well, he may have done this to spite me, but I’ll go him one better. See that pile of lumber curing by the barn? I want you to build me a fence, an eight foot fence, so I won’t need to see his place anymore. That will show him. The carpenter said, ‘I think I understand the situation. Show me the nails and the digger and I’ll be able to do a job that pleases you.’ The older brother had to go to
town for supplies, so he helped the carpenter get the materials ready and then he was off for the day. The carpenter worked hard all day measuring, sawing and nailing. About sunset when the farmer returned, the carpenter had just finished the job. The farmer’s eyes opened wide. His jaw dropped. There was no fence there at all. It was a bridge, a bridge stretching from one side of the lake to the other. A fine piece of work, handrails and all, and the neighbour, his younger brother was coming across the bridge his arms outstretched. ‘You are quite a fellow to build this bridge after all I’ve said and done.’ The two brothers met at the middle of the bridge, hugging each other. They turned to see the carpenter hoist his toolbox on his shoulder. ‘No, wait! Stay a few days more. I’ve lots of other projects for you,’ said the older brother. ‘I’d love to stay on, ‘the carpenter said, ‘but I have so many more bridges to build.’
Forgive from your Heart
Responding to mercy and forgiveness is different for each of us, because we all have different gifts and calls. But the main ingredients of mercy and forgiveness is a call to relationship, which is essential if we intend for our homes, our country and our world to be transformed by and through love, forgiveness, care and mercy. And relationship includes real encounters with the people that have been placed in our lives, which means that we must be intentionally good, caring and loving every day in the way we interact with everyone we meet. Love through mercy and forgiveness is activated through human interactions, including touch, eye contact, and a heart that is present to simply be with someone who is deeply suffering. In turn, love leads us to act, heal, care and encourage. The world is healed through our hands, our hearts, and our prayers. It’s easy to convince ourselves that one conversation, one prayer, one hug, one lighted candle or one smile does not matter much in the grand scheme of things or that it is just a drop in the ocean, but let me tell you many drops make an ocean and many lights can be lit from the giving of your light. The truth is that our call is to love from our hearts, every day, in ways both visible and invisible. When we love from our hearts, we begin by listening to God, then we reach out to our family members and loved ones which in turn engages them to love others by encountering love through us. We must always believe that small acts of mercy and forgiveness truly and deeply matter.
Forgiveness is a crucial part of any meaningful relationship. We are all human and as such, completely fallible. Despite our best efforts, we will do things that hurt someone else. We all need forgiveness from time to time. When someone you love hurts you deeply, the natural instinct is to lash out. However, achieving true forgiveness ultimately helps you and your relationship much more. It takes a stronger person to forgive than to attack.
What is Forgiveness for Me
For me I believe that if you want to find happiness in this fast paced world of ours, then you have to make "forgiveness and mercy" a regular practice in your life. Forgiveness and mercy for me is something you do, not just something you feel. It means to help a person in need, to rescue the poor, the downtrodden, homeless, abused, abandoned, orphaned, the unwanted and uncared for in our world. Forgiveness and mercy is a sense of pity, plus a desire to relieve the suffering. Simply saying, “I feel your pain and suffering” is not forgiveness and mercy. Forgiveness and mercy is meeting the need and doing something about it, not just feeling it. Real forgiveness and mercy is pity plus action and service. So if you see a person without food, you give them food. Without water, you give them water. That is merciful. Forgiveness and mercy is seeing a person who is lonely and bringing them comfort and companionship. So if I see a problem and think, 'Oh, that is so sad. That breaks my heart,' it might be pity. But if I say, “That is so sad. I am going to do something about it,” that is forgiveness and mercy. Mercy, for example, is doing more than simply applauding the charity work being done on our behalf by various charities both local, national and international and by many church groups and caring organisations. Mercy is more than making a financial contribution, it should also make giving a time contribution toward those efforts. It is actually doing something about it. “Blessed are the merciful,” Jesus said, “for they will be shown mercy.” The more positive, helpful, caring and kind a person is, the more merciful they will be. And the more negative, unhelpful, uncaring and unkind a person is, the more harsh and critical they will be. What we need to realize is that if we know anything of God’s forgiveness and mercy in our lives, then we should forgive others. Forgiven people are forgiving people. Thomas Adams said, “He that demands mercy and forgiveness, and shows none, ruins the bridge over which he himself is to pass.” Mercy and forgiveness requires you to treat people better than they deserve. Mercy and forgiveness drives you to show compassion to people you have good reason to ignore. Mercy and forgiveness leads you to care about people's pain even when these very people have caused you pain. Mercy requires forgiving those who have wronged you. Mercy and forgiveness insists that you seek reconciliation with those who have offended you. Just try being merciful and forgiving - it takes the strength of God to show mercy and true forgiveness, trust me on that!! When we ask for God’s mercy and forgiveness, we are essentially asking him to relieve us of a heart that is in misery and pain. And our hearts can be in a state of misery and pain not just from our mistakes and I know mine has been on many occasions, but also in misery and pain from the deep hurt caused by a broken relationship with a family member or friend, from the suffering of infertility, from the pain of a physical or mental illness, from losing a job, from being betrayed or abandoned, from the loss of a loved one, from spiritual or physical poverty, and so on. But as Pope Francis said recently, "Let us be renewed by God's mercy and forgiveness, let us be loved by Jesus, let us enable the power of his love to transform our lives too; and let us become agents of this mercy, channels through which God can water the earth, protect all creation and make justice, love, kindness, truth and peace flourish."
As a final thought say this beautiful prayer of forgiveness which has become a favourite of mine this past year and which goes as follows, "Help me, O Lord, that my eyes may be merciful and forgiving, so that I will never be suspicious or judge by appearances, but always look for what is beautiful in my neighbours’ souls and be of help to them; that my ears maybe merciful and forgiving, so that I will be attentive to my neighbours’ needs, and not indifferent to their pains and complaints; that my tongue may be merciful and forgiving, so that I will never speak badly of others, but have a word of comfort and forgiveness for all; that my hands may be merciful, forgiving and full of good deeds; that my feet may be merciful and forgiving, so that I will hasten to help my neighbour, despite my own fatigue and weariness; that my heart may be merciful and forgiving, so that I myself will share in all the sufferings of my neighbour. As you have been fed, go to feed the hungry. As you have been set free, go to set free those imprisoned by guilt and sin, brokenness and pain. As you have been received – give. As you have heard – proclaim. As you have been forgiven - forgive. And may the blessing which you have received from the Creator be always with you. ‘So let the rain come and wash away the ancient grudges, the bitter hatreds held and nurtured over generations. Let the rain wash away the memory of the hurt, the neglect. Then let the sun come out and fill the sky with rainbows. Let the warmth of the sun heal us wherever we are broken. Let it burn away the fog so that we can see beyond labels, beyond accents, gender or skin colour. Let the warmth and brightness of the sun melt our selfishness. So that we can share the joys and feel the sorrows of our neighbours! And let the light of the sun be so strong that we will see all people as our neighbours. Let the earth, nourished by rain; bring forth flowers to surround us with beauty. And let the mountains teach our hearts to reach upward to heaven! Amen."