Forget the seven habits, play chess with your children instead

What you need to learn to succeed at chess are the things that ultimately help success in life

A recent experience forced me to have time to properly study and practice the game of chess. As I found out, reading manuals, that I had always played in the wrong way, applying the right method and playing game after game showed that chess offers and requires to practice powerful life lessons.?

1. There is no grand strategy except playing with purpose

The first thing you learn from chess strategy manuals is that no grand strategy can withstand the millions of combinations of a game. And yet, who has never wondered about the right strategy for a successful life? Do we hold more control over the direction of our existence than of a single game of chess?

Focusing merely on the next attack and defence, as is the common way we amateurs play, doesn’t take you far. Experienced players study the imbalances of each position of the board and continuously adjust their goal and devise a strategy to reach them according to their style and character. In other words, you can’t set your goals before playing, the purpose of the game is the one you gradually set and constantly review to make the game your own.

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2. No matter what you do, know why you are doing it

There is always a moment in the game, as sometimes in life, when you find yourself asking And now what? The standard amateur response is to find something to do that looks somehow reasonable, in fact having no idea about it.

Learning to take an informed decision based on what you see rather than following assumptions or theories and certainly not on sheer hope that things will eventually work out, is the best way to choose a move worth committing to.

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3.?Most blunders are made because in your head you are playing a different game

At a smaller but frequent scale, mistakes are made because things change and you are too distracted, lazy or worried to notice. Focused on your own struggle to conquer the other half of the board you don’t realise things have turned dangerous in yours, a clever plan is actually based on a false assumption that things will stay the same.

As complicated chess, and life, can be the only way to avoid stupid mistakes is making the effort to play the game that is in front of you.

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4. The most successful combinations are not planned ahead but naturally emerge when pieces have been moved in the right direction

Performing some clever combination only because you found your pieces in the right place might feel a bit like impostor syndrome, asking yourself how you could take credit for something you hadn’t planned.

As you improve your game, you realize instead that your fortune is built move by move, making the right moves in chess feel like doing the right thing in life: one alone changes nothing, but consistency makes all the difference.

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5.?Do not believe in a threat unless you prove it to yourself first

Self-doubt can make you do very stupid things. You panic, overreact and make everything worse, if there was anything bad in the first place. Indeed there’s nothing like a Queen in the neighborough to generate anxiety.

Being confident doesn’t mean underestimating danger, it means making yourself the one to be convinced that there’s nothing else you can do about it.

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6.?Forgiving your own and your opponent’s mistakes makes for a much more interesting and pleasant game

Few things are more painful than playing after you made a major blunder that you are unable to forgive yourself. At every turn you are reminded of your mistake, of how things could have been different. If you start thinking that everything is lost, there is a good chance things will end that way.

Another way to make the game a miserable experience is to never forgive your opponent’s wrong moves, categorically forbidding any change. You are probably right according to grandmaster tournament rules, but you might be forgetting why you are playing.

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7.?Not all opponents are the same

There are people you can’t wait to play, or work, or simply interact with and others you’d rather have a dentist appointment instead. For some, the game is the only focus and you are a replaceable accessory. Fair enough. Some have a compulsive need to win, they measure everything against a double standard and they would concede victory only through their attorney. Some play for the pleasure of it, moves can be discussed, mistakes are avoided together and a successful combination feels like everyone’s achievement.

The point is not playing with the right opponent, but what kind of opponent you want to be.

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8.?There will always be someone who eventually thrashes you

An indisputable and sobering law of chess, the game constantly reminds you that you might not be as smart as you think you are.

The greatest satisfaction is to learn from those who beat you badly and return the favour.

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9.?More often than not, you are your toughest opponent

Inevitably, when you get impatient you make mistakes. If you’re worried you keep missing things. You lose focus and you are halfway to give up the game.

Personally I’ve always failed at learning meditation, observing myself, acknowledging my mind is drifting and bringing it back in the moment. Somehow learning to do this during a long game of chess is the only way to avoid losing.

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In conclusion, if I had kids I would be playing chess with them and I would encourage them to practice at more than amateur level. Few activities can simulate so many aspects of life and help learning to deal with them effectively.