Forget affluenza – Create Connection instead

One of my very close friends, whom I adore deeply, teases me, saying I have the perfect face for radio. My wife says that I have a sign above me: “Yes, of course, I will help you solve any problem in your career or life.” Regardless of where I am - on a train, in a coffee shop, helping carry a pram down the steps of a bridge… if I can, I stop and help people.

I was sitting having a coffee in my favourite space, fully absorbed in the moment, when someone I have never met before walked up to me and said, “I think you can help me.”

I must say, this was slightly frustrating as I was in “me time.” I was trying to embrace the space to sort my own emotions out.

This person was having a particularly challenging legal dispute. I am no lawyer, yet I noticed from their behaviour that the legals were not the problem, their anxiety was. So, I listened to their background story for 15 minutes and then asked one question:

What advice would you give your best friend?

After they responded, I asked another question:

What would you invite them to do next?

Suddenly they were in a completely different state of mind and I had only shared 16 words! It struck me that believing people have all the resources to solve challenges for themselves, as well as creating the right environment where they feel they are being listened to, is the vital first step.

As I reflected on my final meetings in London for 2022, I initially thought I was about to learn more about the opportunities in the new Payments area of Embedded finance. The truth is I re-learnt the most important lesson in life – it’s about people, relationships and being fully present. It was the ideal end to the year.

I was honoured to be invited to the The Payments Association Christmas party by Anant Patel . It was such a joy to see over 200 people connecting, sharing, and celebrating in the same room. I was taken aback by the collaborative nature of the community and industry – people always looking to find a reason to lead with a Yes, rather than a sceptical maybe.

There are a small number of people with whom I feel a deep bond when I connect, where honesty and discussion are not just possible but embraced. I thank the people that enable those conversations, as much fun and joy develop.

Trust the relationship – connections are for sharing.

We are all connected by what we have in common - values, decency, inclusion - and if we focus on these rather than our differences, we have a powerful opportunity to build connections, grow teams and create success for many.?

Tony Craddock , the Director General of the Payments Association, shared a wonderful story of how this community brings people together, even beyond community and friendship, to love. A ?couple who met via the community are now having a child together - the ultimate in joy!

Edmond Locard was a pioneer in forensic science who became known as the Sherlock Holmes of Lyon. He formulated the basic principle of forensic science as: "Every contact leaves a trace". It is generally understood as "with contact between two items, there will be an exchange." So let’s make that contact positive and enhancing for the person with whom you have come into contact.

Here is a passage from an article I created in the summer (remember when it was 36 degrees and blazing sunshine!) titled Remain Relevant – Invest in YOU:

Every time I hail a London cab, I have a childlike wonder. When I say, ‘Upper Thames Street’, or ‘St Martin’s Lane’, I just get that nod and a sharp retort, “Get in.” ?Why am I so impressed with London cabbies who instantly know how to take me to my destination?

Unlike many other well-structured and designed capital cities like New York, which is based on a grid system, London cabbies have to “…memorize the labyrinthine city's?25,000 streets?and any business or landmark on them.”

That is a remarkable feat of memory. My dear passed mum had an extraordinary memory and could recall fine details from fifty years ago in different contexts.

One of the most famous neuroscience studies is of London cab drivers. They have to undertake ‘the Knowledge’ - a challenging three-year process to become a licenced driver on the spaghetti-like London roads. The study conducted by Professor of Cognitive Neuroscience at UCL, Eleanor Maguire, concluded:

"Licensed London taxi drivers show that humans have an amazing capacity to acquire and use for navigation, a highly complex spatial representation of a large city."?

I remember when managing a team of recruiters earlier in my career, being able to instantly recall over 50 salaries, negotiations and offers when asked. I used to think that having a good memory was a natural talent. However, not all appears as it seems. Believing I have a good memory and constantly challenging myself to test it on a regular basis, has had a powerful impact.

Parts of the brain relating to spatial awareness (the hippocampus) grow in size due to this deliberate practice. Neuroplasticity – the ability of our brains to learn - is not fixed but can evolve and adapt, depending on the environment we are exposed to.

“Although talent feels and looks predestined, in fact, we have a good deal of control over what skills we develop, and we have more potential than we might ever presume to guess.”

Daniel Coyle,?The Talent Code: Greatness Isn't Born. It's Grown. Here's How.

If something as complex and multi-skilled as learning ‘the Knowledge’ is achieved through frequent, intense, and small chunks of practice, then surely complex cognitive skills such as influence, networking and negotiation can be learnt with focus and energy.

So, how can you take advantage of and leverage this science to manage your payments career in 2023?

Explore your response to the question:

What one skill will most enhance and accelerate my career?

My final invites for 2022 are:

·???????Write out the three things you are most grateful for.

·???????How will you respond to the challenges ahead?

·???????How will you see the opportunities first before embracing those challenges?

This is my last blog of 2022 so I wish you all a wonderful break and look forward to connecting with you all again in 2023.

Our purpose at Accelerated Career Results is to transform Payments leaders’ mindsets, confidence, and results; for them to achieve their potential through the power of life-enhancing connections, shared experiences and collaborative learning.

We achieve this by unlocking the ‘latent ability’ within talented individuals and teams. If you have found this article valuable, please like, re-share and pass it on to a colleague or to your trusted network whom it could help at this stage of their leadership career.

Don’t hesitate to reach out if you have a leadership challenge and want to work with a trusted partner, to [email protected]