A FORCE OF NATURE LESS TALKED ABOUT

Looking back in this fatherhood journey, I have been blessed with some invaluable and unquantifiable moments. And in attending to my children, I have realized how much of a father's presence I missed growing up.

There were days I would return from work exhausted only to get home to meet my babe struggling with our son. She would have tried all she knew how to pacify the kid but he just would not stop crying. I would then take the boy from her and go out for a short walk.

Usually, by the time we got back he is already sound asleep in my hands.

Babe would ask me how I did it and I always responded with "we had a father and son discussion".

Especially with my first son when he was much younger (about one year old), he would wake up from his sleep with a loud cry and babe as usual would be worried. Those moments I would hold him close to me and calm him down. My words to him..."daddy is here with you, you are safe, you don't have to be afraid, daddy will always be here to protect you".

And before you know what was happening he would hold tight to me like a drowning man hold on to a life line. Then he would soundly go back to sleep.

Some days ago I was sharing my fatherhood experience with my auto engineer (who had just become a father then) and he shared his own experience.

According to him he was not home on this very day and his son had been crying for hours. His wife had tried every means to calm him but nothing was working. Then his mum (who was with them then) told the wife's that it appears that the boy was missing his dad. She suggested they took one of the father's most worn clothe and used it as a pillow for the boy to rest on. Surprisingly, shortly after they did this the boy slept off.

At other times they would call him to speak with the kid on phone and once he heard his father's voice he would calm down.

We have heard and read so much about the love of a mother. Any time people talk about motherhood, it is usually with a sense of affection. And this is understandable and rightly so. A mother's bond with her child is inexplicable and beyond scientific explanation.

There is however another force of nature that is less talked about. It's almost as if there is a deliberate attempt to underplay or sometimes ridicule it. Yet the effects of its presence or absence manifests in people's life and decisions on a daily.

It is the Father's Bond.

I strongly believe that a father's bond is as strong as that of a mother's especially for fathers who put efforts into working this bond.

Oftentimes when we talk about fatherhood, we talk in terms of duties, responsibilities, and sacrifices. There is an age long consensus that the number one duty of a father is to provide (material needs) for and protect the family.

However, when it's comes to children, I am of the believe that their number one need of their father is the provision of ESSENCE, IDENTITY and EMOTIONALLY SECURITY. These needs go to the very core of a child's being.

To think otherwise is to toil with the psychological fabric and emotionally stability of the child.

These are needs that they (children) cannot (because they know not how to) communicate, but they are nevertheless as important as their need for food, shelter and clothing, if not more.

A father's presence creates in a child emotional stability, balance and confidence.

I started talking to my children when they were still in the womb. And after birth, I put in conscious efforts into working the bond. I still tell them those words, and it still has the same calming effect on them.

Fathers should understand that their presence in the lives of their children cannot be overemphasized, and it is utterly important for the mental, emotional and social development of a child.

#LettersToFathers #Fatherhood #parenting #life