Fool Me Once

You were supposed to teach me, but you wouldn’t. I asked you questions, but you ignored them. I asked again, but your answer didn’t make sense, and this time it was served alongside an eyeroll. You wanted to make me feel foolish – and I did. Because only a fool would allow herself to let the discomfort of dealing with you take precedence over doing her job correctly. Thank you for teaching me never to do that again. These days, I ask my questions, and I get the right answer the first time.

When I was working towards earning my Master’s degree – you treated it like a joke. The idea of someone like me, so junior, pursuing an advanced degree – for what?! You didn’t have one, and clearly didn’t need it to get to your level, so why did I even bother? Thank you. Thank you for not jumping up and down with excitement and enthusiasm, because it forced me to define for myself why I was really doing it. It is because of you that I own my decisions around advancing my education and credentials. These days, I have that Master's. I am a Resource Management Certified Professional. I earned that certificate through Cornell for Executive Women in Leadership and when I first thought of pursuing a PhD program – I didn’t immediately dismiss it as a ridiculous thought. Instead, I applied. And you know who I did it all for? Myself. And you know why I did it? Because I wanted to. Thank you for teaching me that as it relates to my desire to advance, I owe no explanation.

You were confusing. One moment singing my praises, and the next making threats. You made both my confidence and my anxiety soar to tremendous heights. You were supportive, and ruthless. You were my confidant and my adversary. You took the time to listen, wide-eyed, to my ideas, then presented them as your own. The shoulder you offered me to cry on was laced with duplicity. There I was pregnant, traveling, late nights – while you watched me work toward that promotion – you know, the one you told me I’d get. But you didn’t tell me you filled the spot. Thank you. Thank you for teaching me that it’s not easy to identify toxicity – it can actually be really hard. These days I trust my instincts. Now I know that if something seems suspicious, it’s probably because it is. ?

You flipped a switch on me. What happened? We were in a good groove, weren’t we? You blindsided me with the sudden 360. You gave no explanation, blew things up in the process, and shrapnel was flying for months. Why did you do it? If you would’ve explained it to me – maybe I could’ve helped. But you didn’t even try. I didn’t understand it. And I still don’t. Thank you. Thank you for showing me that there will be some things that will not be explained, and I need to accept that. These days perhaps I am more guarded, but I don’t necessarily think that’s a bad thing. Protecting oneself is an indication that what they are made up of is valuable. I’m not sure what you think you took from me, if anything. But I can assure you that what you gave me is much greater, and I will benefit from it indefinitely.

So where does that leave me? I’ve become someone who, thanks to you, operates with integrity. I am determined, perceptive, and authentic. And I owe it all to you.

All that time you were throwing punches I was building something And I couldn't wait to show you it was real / I pushed each boulder up the hill / Your words are still just ringing in my head / But when I count the scars, there's a moment of truth / That there wouldn't be this if there hadn't been you -Taylor Swift

If this struck a chord (pun intended) with you and you're interested in making a deliberate effort to transform challenges into lessons, this Resiliency Journal is a fantastic tool to guide you on that path.

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Christine Robinson is a Resource Management expert, Strategic Advisor, award-winning speaker, best selling author, and the mother/stepmother of six. Recognized as one of the top leaders in the Philadelphia Business Journal's 40 Under 40 List for her performance and community contributions, Christine is passionate about supporting women and underserved families. She holds an MS in Human Resource Management from Fordham University, a BS in Sociology from Bowling Green University, and is a certified Resource Management Professional.

The former Managing Director and Head of Resource Management at a prestigious accounting and consulting firm, Christine has steered national teams, instituted firmwide functions, and established international joint ventures. As the visionary and Founder of Resource Management In The Wild, her mission is to empower professionals and organizations to successfully navigate resource allocation. A true RM at heart, Christine loves suggesting products to people who can benefit from them, and as such, may earn a commission from links in this newsletter.

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