The Fog of Life

I'm unsure who needs to hear this, but something in my pigeon’s quiff tells me people do. I wrote this to share with my children in the future. So, perhaps if you have children, especially if they’re older than mine, this might be for you.

It’s been a growing noodle in my mind of late that how we direct young people (in the UK, at least) to navigate the fog of life is flawed at best, and dangerous at worst. Most in part because of how binary it is. Or at least was, when I went to school, where if you weren’t going to university, you got next to no help.

That’s already a problem. It funnels many people into the university education system who do not need to be there to attain their desired job. (‘Their desired job’ hopefully being the same thing as the job that best matches the combination of their emotional and intellectual intelligence and the skill-set they possess with the most potential for development.)

I'm aware that for most people, life is less a case of 'knowing' what you want to do, but of slowly chiselling away at what you're doing, as you age, and get to know yourself better, until it looks more like something you want to be doing. And that's the ultimate success - doing what you want to be doing. But the issue is; doing what you want to be doing gets infinitely more difficult when you've sailed miles down the wrong river, in regards to your life choices.

This isn’t an issue that exists only in the UK. US Army Ranger and Online Personal Trainer Justin Lienhard had an interesting dissection of higher education in the US recently:

'College is expensive for two reasons: 1. Basic economics. 2. Social class phobia.?

The middle class is terrified their children will be viewed as working class. And in their view of the world, based on their antiquated life experience, the only way to avoid that is with a diploma.?

They'd rather their children make 30k a year as a sociologist than 200k a year as a plumber. They believe it's their child's right to have the "college experience". So, we are left with education inflation.?

This means because so many kids are entering the workforce with a diploma, that diploma means less. This means fields that historically didn't require a degree can now demand one. Even if it's in a field that has nothing to do with the job description.'

But this was the part that stood out to me:

'When our children don't know what they want to do with their lives after high school (because our high schools have become college grooming centers), we ship them off to a 50k a year babysitter so they can learn to binge drink... then they leave, far too often, straddled with massive unsecured debt, qualified only to do grunt work for an entrepreneur who needs a putz with a piece of paper. Their first introduction to the real world.'

Many go to university for a multi-year party, and while it’s perhaps not ‘smart’, it’s ok if it’s done with eyes wide open. But a lot go because they are told they need to, or that it would be naive or damaging, not to. And that’s not ok.

These people emerge with huge, unnecessary debt, only to enter jobs they could have been in a few years earlier, without said debt, via internships and apprenticeships.?

It brings me to the two dangerous ends of the ‘What should you do with your life?’ spectrum.?

At one end, is the classicly conservative attitude of;?

‘Get a proper job, study a proper subject, something steady, something with longevity.’

Here, passion, and the idea you might be so engaged in your work it makes you lose track of time, is an afterthought, a luxury.?

Aside from the fact I know many people who studied these kinds of ‘proper subjects’ at university, only to enter the adult world with no direction, no support, and an overwhelming sense of;?

‘Is this it? Is this adult life? So, what do I do now?’

There’s still a major problem with this:

Once you subtract decent and necessary sleep, the average person in the UK lives about 53 waking years. (I used the lower life expectancy average of 79.2 years for men.)

We start school at age 5, and the average retirement age is currently 65. So, a huge part of our waking life is either studying or working. What’s more, we have little choice over what we study until we’re aged 16.?

Once we’re in a full-time job, our working hours represent 40% of our waking week. When you add the average commuting round trip, this increases to 45%.?

Assuming you do go to university, that sees 45% of your waking hours between the ages of 21 - 65 being spent at work.?

That's the equivalent of 22 waking years. That is a very long time to spend doing a ‘proper job’, informed by a ‘proper subject,’ if you hate it, and you’re just waiting for that sweet, sweet retirement. (Which, by the way, will last an average of just 14.2 years.)

And what if that ‘proper topic’ actually just sees you leave university and fall into the storm?

‘Proper’ they may be, but they often aren’t very pointed. They don’t offer a clear roadmap of;

‘Ok, so, this is what you do the second you officially finish your degree. Here’s your 5-step plan.’

I studied the Glasgow Willy Wonka Experience of degrees - Creative Advertising. But guess what I wanted to do? Creative Advertising. And guess what I do now? Creative Advertising.

Ok, enough sarcasm, what am I saying?

I’m saying don’t do the thing people pressure you to do. The education system in this country was built a long time ago. It’s still valuable, of course, but you have to be aware we live in a very different world now, with very different ways to make money in it.

So, that’s one end of the spectrum. What’s at the other? At the other end of the spectrum is the blindly hopeful;?

‘Just do what you love.’

Let me suggest a better alternative:?

Do something you’re good at, that you enjoy. Failing that, try to find something you enjoy, that you seem to get better at very quickly when you practice.?

Then, make sure it has the market value to earn you the life you want over the long haul. ‘The long haul’ is important to take note of, because it takes time to build your skills and hone your craft, which increases your market value.?

Rent costs money. Mortgages cost money. Food costs money. Dating costs money. It all costs money.

I'll never forget how fortunate I am that my parents encouraged me to do something I loved, yes, but also something I seemed to have a knack for, and that could earn me the life I wanted.?

I remember them asking me how much I wanted to earn, and why. And of course, having had that conversation with them, I made sure I checked that the career I thought I’d enjoy and might be good at, could one day earn me that amount, if I worked hard and smart enough, and stubbed my toe on some luck, along the way.

With war-surviving parents, my parents heard:

'Study, get a job, work hard. You're lucky not to be on rations'.

So, they did exactly that, and they worked themselves into the ground building a life for us. They brought a little of that mindset into my upbringing. I had the true privilege of supportive and somewhat enlightened parents.?

But kids today are under such huge pressure to 'self actualise'. It's as if the purpose of life has done a total 180. From serving your company, your family, and your community to:

'Go find yourself, be yourself, live your passion.'

But here's the problem; no one is telling them how that's supposed to work. What's more, how that's supposed to work in a western, capitalist society.

Capitalism doesn't care about you being yourself, or finding your passion. Capitalism is only concerned with the value you bring to the marketplace.

I know conversations like those my parents had with me are a privilege many don't get. But it's something I think we could teach better, and it isn't that hard to plot out with a teenager.

Schools don’t teach this because they weren’t designed to teach this. They were designed to build workers for a binary world that’s ceasing to exist.

I’m no stranger to the value of education. What’s more, how hard it must be to design a system that might work for a broad spectrum of identities, intelligence levels, and socioeconomic backgrounds.?

I’m not here to trash UK education. That’s useful to no one. But you have to admit when it comes to the;

‘Helping you figure out what you want to do with your life’?

bit, the UK school system leaves much to be desired. (Or at least my school, and the schools of almost every single one of my friends, did.)

If you’ve ever been 16 and wondered what you’re supposed to do with your life, you know what I’m talking about.

The career choices that were put in front of you sounded like members of The Village People.?

‘Builder, Doctor, Lawyer, Scientist, Baker, Banker’. Maybe a few others peppered in there, for good measure.?

Then, if you said you weren’t sure you wanted to be any of those, you were pinged to the other end of the spectrum. Enter:?

‘Follow your passion.’

That needs serious modification before it's something I'd say to a 16-year-old. I'd say something more like:

'Follow the passion you’re not utterly awful at, enjoy the endless repetition of, and, once you're good, will pay you an amount you're content with.'

In short: something where you earn the right amount for pushing your rock up your hill each day.

Advertising can fly you all over the world, see you meet celebrities, stay in fancy hotels, and eat in amazing restaurants, and all on someone else’s dime.?

But 99% of the time, it’s just me, my laptop, some pens, some paper, a deadline that’s too close, and a pile of ideas that’s too small.?

But I enjoy that process, no matter how many times it repeats. Even on the worst day, I still kind of enjoy it. All that other stuff, if and when it occasionally happens, is just a bonus.

The world is nuanced and complicated. Its problems are nuanced and complicated. Its people are a spectrum - nuanced and complicated. Don’t be a victim of other people’s binaries.

Success is a mix of skills, adaptability, patience, and yes, some luck thrown in.?

It turns out you actually can have your cake and eat it, too. You can build a career with stability and the flexibility to evolve as your interests and strengths change.

So, to the young people out there:?

You don’t need all the answers right now, but thinking of questions is going to help you a lot.

Questions like:

+ What are you good at??

Because skills create options. (I’d highly recommend Googling ‘James Clear where are fascinating people?’)

+ What do you enjoy? What makes you lose track of time?

This means the endless repetition (practice) will feel easy and the knocks (trial, error, feedback) will motivate you, as opposed to eroding your soul.

+ What do you want?

If you want to own a home for example, when do you want to try and own your first home? And when would you like to own your dream home? What does your dream home look like??

We’re not talking about a lottery-winning home, here. But if you worked hard, and smart, for 20 years, and the wind occasionally blew in the right direction, what might that home look like, where would it be, and how many bedrooms would it have?

+ How much does that cost right now, and how much might it cost in 15 years??

Calculating inflation forward is kind of like using a ladle to carry out brain surgery. So, you’ll only be making very rough estimations, here. But, for example, in 2009, the average house price in the UK was ￡162,116 (Sunlife Insurance). In 2024, it was ￡288,000 (Gov UK).?

Hopefully, these figures would be lower for first-time buyers. But, regardless, that’s a 77.7% increase in 15 years.?

So, you might (roughly) extrapolate to say that the average UK house price in 15 years could be north of ￡500,000.

+ Using a Mortgage Calculator, what would the monthly mortgage payment on that be, if you had a (rather hopeful) 10% deposit?

Ok, now, double that, to safely cover your bills.?

Before you accuse me of being out of touch because I'm talking about owning a home in a world where that's becoming increasingly impossible for young people, please remember, we're talking about your dream, here. I assume in your dream, you would own your property, rather than rent it.

+ How much is left?

That’s your ‘saving and spending’ pot. Are you happy with that? Does that match the lifestyle you want?

Even exploring these initial questions should hopefully start giving you an idea of the kind of money you need to earn, to create the life you want. But I’d encourage you to go deeper. Think about what groceries cost, clothes cost, etc.

Now, the most important question...

+ Of the things you’re good at, that you enjoy, and make you lose track of time… Which has the potential to create the monthly income you need, within your allotted time frame, to fund the life you want?

The reason these questions are important is because passion doesn’t pay the bills on its own, but neither does mind-numbingly sensible pragmatism. You have to aim for the nuanced intersection where they meet and keep moving forward, keep learning, and never tell yourself you know it all.

If your potential is there, and you enjoy something enough that you can stick with it when the going gets tough (it will), and you know that the journey is less about the destination and more about building knowledge and skills (which create choices), who knows, you might just get there.

For those interested, the title of this article was inspired by the following quote, from ‘Good Strategy, Bad Strategy’ by Richard Rumelt:

‘If you can peer into the fog [of life] and see 10 per cent more clearly than others, you may gain an edge. Driving in fog is unnerving without any source of orientation. But when a single recognisable object is visible in the mist, it provides a sudden and comforting point of reference—a guidepost.’