The Fog of Hate - How Domestic Violence is Still Ignored

In the very early 20th century, major cities in the UK saw think fogs on a regular daily occurrence especially through the colder months. These were known as Peasoupers. They were a mix of coal ash, exhaust fumes, industrial pollution and water vapour. 1952 was one of the worst years on record with constant blinding fogs that did not lift for weeks on end. Sadly this saw the deaths of thousands of Londoners who had to breath in this noxious mixture of gases with the government telling the public that it was fine to continue pumping factory fumes and coal into the air around them. It wasn't until many years later that the real extent of the death toll and those that had caught lung cancer and COPD from this gas.

Domestic violence is very much like a Peasouper. It has the potential to cause serious harm or death too. Tomorrow (Saturday 25th November) sees National Domestic Violence Awareness or White Ribbon Day. Some may say - "there is a day for everything these days" and it may feel like that at times, but it does not mean we do not need a special day remembering the thousands of women and men who have been murdered by their partners, to educate society and government to prevent further deaths and attacks and reminding perpetrators that they will not get away with these crimes. So how can we prevent domestic abuse/violence (DV)? What can we do to support survivors? Lets separate these vile acts in to the DV against women and girls and then men and boys.

Defining the Crime

Firstly lets look at what DV actually is. According to the Domestic Abuse Act 2021, DV can be defined as:

Section 1.1 - 1.3 Behaviour of a person (“A”) towards another person (“B”) is “domestic abuse” if—

(a)A and B are each aged 16 or over and are personally connected to each other, and

(b)the behaviour is abusive.

(3)Behaviour is “abusive” if it consists of any of the following—

(a)physical or sexual abuse;

(b)violent or threatening behaviour;

(c)controlling or coercive behaviour;

(d)economic abuse (see subsection (4));

(e)psychological, emotional or other abuse;

and it does not matter whether the behaviour consists of a single incident or a course of conduct. (Legislastion.gov.uk, 2023).

Violence against women and girls (VAWG)

This definition should give you a very basic understanding of what it means to be abused and it covers all sexes and genders. However, women are the largest group of people who are targeted by perpetrators. According to the National Crime Survey of England and Wales (CSEW), 2021/2022 saw 1.7 million women identified as survivors of DV that year but only 1.5 million crimes were reported to police (includes both women and men) (NCDV, 2023 & ONS, 2023). It is something that women from any part of society can suffer and as the law shows, it does not necessarily mean being hit, slapped or punched to become a survivor.

Perpetrator's, especially male ones, continually voice the opinion that women deserve it or caused the action and if they had not 'made' them do it they would be ok. This is called gaslighting - stating something is true or a fact when its not. Gaslighting can also include constant belittling both in public and private, talking down to them, constantly accusing them of things they have not done and making the survivor believe these lies and separating them from their family and friends or even stopping their employment as 'they will be more of a loose person' or they will turn the woman against the perpetrator if they speak to these people.

Male Survivors

Men can fall victim too. In 2021/2022 CSEW figures showed that 699,000 were survivors (ONS, 2023). Although men as a population are not as big a victim group as women, it is still a big issue. Just as with their female peers, male survivors are not weak or 'unmasculine' (what ever that means) or have deserved or caused this crime to occur. Also, as with women, men who report this crime to the police are drastically lower in proportion than the total amount of survivors. Many men say they feel ashamed or would not be believed by the police. Perpetrators can be other women or men and does not just effect gay couples. How can friends, family and society as a whole support male and female survivors of domestic violence?

Giving the Right Support

There are various legal bodies and national and smaller local charitable groups out there to offer support (a list of some of these organisations will be listed at the bottom of this page). For example, police, courts, refuges, safe spaces and mental health peer support. However, as a society we have an obligation towards these survivors too. Many times people do not like getting involved as it is still perceived as a 'family' or 'private' issue. Nothing could be further from the truth. So what can we do? Domestic Shelters (2023) suggest - "believe the person if they tell you they are the victim of this crime and take their fears seriously, without interrupting or judging, resist the urge to say “leave” or blame them for what has happened to them, connect them with domestic violence experts and support by going to the police with them or helping them find a refuge, help them get ready to escape abuse by taking care of some details and logistics, such as packing a bag, finding a safe place, or making a plan, NEVER tell anyone of your plans except the victim and assist them financially, if possible, or link them with legal support.

Never Forgotten

Although this post has been brief there is loads more that you can learn about domestic violence and how it can damage lives sometimes beyond repair. Its for all of us to never hide behind misogynistic lies or turn a blind eye. So lets not let innocent lives be taken and reach out confidentially or allow them to come to us. So yes, its important to remember the 25th November 2023 and have it as a national day.

Important Contacts for Support

National Domestic Violence Helpline: 0800 2000 247 or Domestic Abuse Help · National Centre for Domestic Violence (ncdv.org.uk)

Men's Advice Line: 0808 801 0327 or Domestic Abuse Helpline for Men | Men's Advice Line UK (mensadviceline.org.uk)

Directory of Support Locally: Women's Aid Directory - Women’s Aid (womensaid.org.uk)

Government Information: Domestic abuse: how to get help - GOV.UK (www.gov.uk)