Focusing on hope amidst the struggle

I am struggling. Are you?

It’s ok to say so, because it has been a tough two days. But I’m also hopeful (will get to that later).

Being a teacher of positivity and happiness doesn’t make me invulnerable from pain and difficult emotions. Just so you know: It’s ok to not be ok sometimes.

?? I am struggling with the multiple changes in rules and guidelines. Without certainty, we don’t feel settled. Some change is good, but change that feels out of our control feels threatening.

?? I am struggling with the tragedy of what happened in River Valley High.

?? I struggle as a mum, because no parent should have to go through what both sets of parents are going through now.

?? I am struggling as someone who has been advocating for mental well-being in schools for the past 11 years, because the very reason I do what I do is to help school communities to thrive. I know it’s not easy to promote whole school transformative change because it means overcoming deep set mindsets about mental health and stigmas surrounding it, and the focus on academics. I don’t even want to go into it.

?? I am struggling as a former teacher. Because I know that there is so much on the plate, there are so many kids to care for, but there are limits to how much can be done when they are not in my care.

?? I am struggling because I know what it is to lose someone you care about suddenly, with no explanation. I lost my student to suicide in 2016. The pain I felt (in no way can be compared to the family members) hit somewhere very deep. You feel like you had the ability to help and yet at the same time felt totally helpless. It’s hard to understand and words can’t really express it fully.

?? I am struggling as someone who understands and has seen mental illness live in the flesh. It consumes you, and it is an inner pain which you don’t want and yet sometimes enters your life. To say I understand why they may behave the way they do is not 100% true, yet to say I don’t understand at all is also not 100% true. There are some things that are very hard to explain and comprehend. But one thing is for sure, they are not crazy or bad people.

?? I am struggling.. and it is hard to experience the whole flood of emotions. It’s tempting to want to run, distract or worse, positify it all and put on a front by saying “I’m good! I can still smile!”

But in this moment, its really important to acknowledge where you are and how you’re feeling. Because running or distracting or bottling means your mind has not closed the loop, and while you aren’t actively thinking about it, your subconscious is still dealing with it. Acknowledging allows you to move past the difficult emotions more easily, and begin learning how to manage them in supportive ways.

In moments like this, what gives me comfort is recalling stories like Dr Edith Eger ’s. A Holocaust survivor, she found a way to live amidst desolation and despair, by telling herself that “if we survive today, tomorrow we will be free.” She was on the brink of death, but each day she harboured hope.

Now hope is not wishful thinking, or a dream. Hope is a motivation towards a goal, even if we are sceptical or unsure about the outcome. Then taking steps to get to that goal. The path is not always easy, and the goal not always immediately attainable. But it’s something that we can work towards, even if it’s small.

So while I’m struggling, I am also focusing on hope.

??Hope that the covid cases will come under control and we can have some measure of certainty. That with more people vaccinated, we can begin going out to support all the businesses that have been drastically affected by this pandemic.

?? Hope that with time, the grief and pain the families, teachers and school community are feeling will ease. It will come and go, but the hope is that it will hit less hard each time it comes. I know it takes time. It took me 3 years to be able to actually talk about the loss of my student without getting overwhelmed.

?? Hope that some meaning can be made from this. Maybe it is that we as a society begin to see mental wellness not as a bonus, or something fluffy, but something fundamental and crucial.

?? Hope that as parents, we learn to build our children’s emotional vocabulary so they can express how they feel, while we learn to listen non judgementally when they need us.

?? Hope that in schools, as we are already doing, we continue to push to overcome those mindsets so that students go to school not to just learn how to study well and get good results, but to live well and thrive no matter their circumstances.

?? Hope that we learn to understand mental illness and overcome the stigmas attached to it. That we can be more compassionate towards others, and also to ourselves. We are doing the best we can. I know I am trying my darnest.

??If you are struggling, please know you’re not alone. Reach out to someone.

?? Also know that it doesn’t mean that if you feel like you’re struggling, that you are weak. You’re just human.

??I hope you continue to find the light where it is, however small.

#hope #grief #copingwithloss #covid19 #uncertainty #mentalhealth #mentalwellbeing