Focus on What You Can Control or Influence

In our uncertain and ever-changing world, we may feel somewhat helpless and feel out of control in many areas. While this may be true, our feelings are often dramatized by the fight or flight part of the brain, the Amygdala, which perceives threats everywhere and is programmed to react to emergencies. Even though there are no tigers or dangerous jungles to wade through, this part of our brain tells us that we are in an emergency and is being poised to react immediately. While this is a great mechanism for self-preservation, it often gets triggered by smaller, stressful situations where careful planning and communication thoughtfulness might be better techniques than crisis orientation. 

One way to stay out of our high stress Amygdala and "respond vs react" is to focus on what we can control instead of what we can't. 

 In order to get into a more proactive mindset, it's helpful to look at a facet of Stephen Covey's Circles of Control, Influence and Concern. I hope using this perspective-taking method will help calm your Amygdala's sensors, and allow you to proceed with more rational thought, well thought out decision making, and more peace of mind. Scroll down for success stories of others who have mastered this technique, especially in the COVID-19 era! 

Focus on Solutions Not Concerns

When we get overwhelmed and our lives seem out of control (which maybe daily for everyone now), it's easy to pay more attention to what we can't fix or can't control. However, if we use Covey's construct of looking at what we can influence or control, we avoid wasted time in worry or high stress mode on things we won't be able to affect.

It's better to focus on what steps we can control:  adjust our attitude, set limits on how much we are on our phones, monitor what we read, how we give and receive feedback, who we associate with etc. we also appear more positive and proactive, instead of being viewed as negative and blaming others. 

Using Your Influence Instead of Control

Most of us are programmed by now when we hear a dripping faucet to go over and shut it off. That's a fairly easy fix and we know what the outcome will most likely be. If we do shut the faucet off, and it doesn't fix it, we may call in a plumber or someone who knows more about faucets that we do. This is how the principle of influence works. I wish we all had as much influence as seasoned company owners or social media stars, but you maybe surprised at who might rise to the occasion! 

When faced with a problem we may not have influence over, the good next best step is to examine our network and tap the people who may have more connections or resources than you have. Yes, it's great to leverage LinkedIn, but many people hesitate to ask their family, or people closest to them for help.

 Success Story: A Director of IT consulting had a great idea for a tech start-up. He worked with a a technology guru for many hours to build a solid business plan, on top of his new child care responsibilities and full time job. When his former colleague was pulled away by other responsibilities, he felt some of the steam was taken out of his plan. Through coaching, he realized that he needed to think differently about finding resources. Even though it was April 2020, he talked to a family member about his new business and they stepped up to help him with future planning and investors. He has now secured his first round of funding and is able to step away from his day job to pursue his dream start-up! 

Three Questions

Ask yourself three questions after looking at the circles above:

 1.     Where have I been too focused on what I can't control,  recycling the same problem over and over and/o worrying?

2.     What elements of the problem do you have control over?

A. How much you think negatively about it

B. Your attitude about, and willingness to take responsibility for the outcome

C. Your willingness to learn from the situation

D. What resources could you tap to learn more about solutions

E. Whom in your network that might be able to help you with this?

3.  Anything else?

Success Story

A small service business owner was hard hit by COVID-19 shelter in place restrictions. She lay in bed at night worrying about how to keep her business afloat with a trickle of customers, and lost a lot of sleep and therefore, focus. After re-reading the quote, "Insanity is doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results", she decided to take some action and thereby have more control over her situation. 

 She enrolled in webinars regarding how other small businesses were pivoting their businesses in the COVID-era. She used coaching to help her mitigate her fears and learn to market on-line and change her offerings. She was able to partially reopen her business in June, but also had developed an affinity for on-line offerings. She is back to 80% of her normal business and planning for 105% in the month of August!