F.O.C. n' Slides: Belonging vs. Get-A-Longing, A Tale of Two Dynamics

When we look at the workplace, relationships matter. Not just surface-level niceties, but genuine connections where we feel, own, and care for each other in successes, dreams, and failures. This is the essence of Belonging. Yet, too often, we settle for her weaker sibling: Get-A-Longing, mistaking her for belonging.

Let’s break these two apart.

Belonging: The Real 2-Way Relational Deal

Belonging is a space where:

1. We Feel, Own, and Care for each other in Successes, Dreams) and Failures.
2. It's the ways we belong + our shared belief in purpose that anchors us.
3. Clear boundaries define the "we" and "our ways of living out our values as we accomplish the work."
4. Our collective "Us-story" shapes the culture, the rules, and the heartbeat of the group.
5. Agreements aren’t hopeful—they’re rooted in mutual ownership & accountability.
6. Fear becomes a unifying force—not fear of each other, but fear for each other’s well-being. That’s our #TeamOS at work (sustained oxytocin and serotonin levels in belonging).

Belonging takes time. It’s not instant coffee; it’s a slow-brewed essence that deepens over shared experiences.

Key takeaway: Belonging stacks personal and tribal motivation, creating a foundation for incredible drive. It’s a "me + us" multiplier.

Get-A-Longing: A Polished Facade by Comparison to Belonging

On the other side is Get-A-Longing, where:

1. Connections are diplomatic, serving outcomes rather than relationships.
2. Ultimately, you're in an adversarial position in allyship.
3. There’s no "we own this together." Boundaries blur, and with them, clarity fades.
4. The "Us-story" doesn’t exist, leaving individuals and sides to navigate apart.
5. Agreements hinge on hope and predictability rather than trust.
6. Fear isn’t for—it’s of. Fear of failing, of being out of sync, or worse, of each other.

Get-A-Longing doesn’t need shared time or mutual history. It’s a transaction, not a transformation.

Key takeaway: Without belonging, what’s personal to "stack" disappears, leaving motivation to wither. And don't mistake your adversary as the enemy, (some of my favorite words of one my man-crushes, Colin Powell). You'll end up stopping the ability to get along before anything even starts.

The Heart of the Matter- Belonging isn’t just a buzzword—it’s our neurobiology at play. It’s the way we’re wired to thrive in families, tribes, and teams. And when we lean into it, the rewards—for ourselves, our teams, and our organizations—are immense.

So, the real question is: Where does your workplace live—Belonging or Get-A-Longing?