Flying Thoughts: Should I Feel Guilty for Being Lucky?

I carry a lot of guilt.

That’s something I want to admit straight off the bat; get it out of the way. Whether that guilt is justified or not, I’ll leave that up to you to decide. This isn’t a woe-is-me kind of blog post. It’s a chance for me to air my feelings on the topic. You see, I like to eat out, ?I’m always travelling, taking holidays, doing hobbies that I enjoy. All the while, I am painfully aware that there are so many people who are struggling to make ends meet.

I often think about a particular homeless gentleman sitting around the corner from an (expensive) restaurant I visited not too long ago. The amount that I paid for a desert would feed him for a few days, maybe even longer. This is something that doesn’t sit right with me, and yet I still do it. The way (unsuccessfully) people tell me ?to reconcile it is this, by spending money in restaurants, shopping centres, coffee shops and the like, I am putting money back into the economy. Essentially, many people’s jobs rely on punters like me spending money in the establishments they work in. It doesn’t work as an argument, or assuage my guilt, not by a long shot.

I grew up in a low-income family. My parents did what they could with the resources they had. I understand what it is like to worry about the amount of food in the fridge or whether you can afford the electric bill. I count my blessings every day that this is not something I struggled through when I had children of my own because I know this is the reality for a lot of people.

I worked hard and surrounded myself with smart people to achieve financial security, the ability to ensure I was able to invest in the kids’ education, but I also know that there was some amount of luck in there too. I was in the right places, at the right times, doing the right things.

As a result, I can pick up the food shop without looking too closely at the prices of the items. I don’t need to remind myself that people are counting pennies to buy their weekly shop. It is something that is constantly at the forefront of my mind, it trouble me and yet I don’t know how to deal with it

Does this make me a bad person?Should I be able to spend the money I’ve earned without feeling guilty?

I think that this is going to be something that I am forever at odds with. I am obligated to put my money to good use. I help where I can. I donate to charities, I get involved in fundraisers, and I substantially donate my time. I do all the things that many people don’t bother to do, and yet I still feel guilty.

I wonder if, perhaps, it is because I know what it’s like to struggle that I feel this way. I was never dirt-poor, I always had a roof over my head, but my family struggled to make ends meet. I am what they call ‘self-made’, so I know what it’s like to be on both sides of the coin. When I walk past a homeless person, I buy them some food and a hot drink, I do all the right things, but surely, I could be doing more.

They say that guilt is a useless emotion, but I’m not sure I agree. What do you think? When I’m eating out and spending money that could feed a family for a week, or when a bottle of wine I am offered a glass of costs as much as a weekly shop, should I feel guilty? Other than giving away all my income, will anything else assuage my guilt?

Thank you for listening to the ramblings of an old man who is overly concerned with doing the right thing. Please do share your thoughts on this one – it’s giving me a headache and I am starting to overthink my overthinking.