The Flow of Dialogue
The flow of Dialogue by Paul Mooney (3500 words: Reading time ±20 mins)
October 8th 2019
Midrand
Johannesburg
David Bohm (1917-1992) wrote that Dialogue is a flow of meaning. While it may be quite easy to arrange a Dialogue circle with people who are interested in the practices of Dialogue, it may not be so easy to live a dialogic life.
I recently joined a two-hour zoom call with ten eager students of dialogue for our regular monthly circle. People from Ireland, the USA, South Africa and the UK easily connected on zoom and within minutes, even though some of us have never met in person, not even on the zoom call, we were knee deep in a flow of meaning.
Flow
We asked ourselves what does it mean to be in flow? We recalled T.S. Elliot who said that “things do not go away, they become you; there is no end” and we were reminded not to limit our process by giving it any name that would limit our brains by assigning some arbitrary, yet most likely a misunderstood boundary. The word flow just became a launch point for a voyage of our minds.
Be a verb
We observed that people call themselves by their nouns such as leader, executive, mother, father, brother and sister and we realised that Dialogue is a process in motion and it is sometimes useful to name ourselves with a verb, such as ‘I am feeling something’ or ‘I am fathering just now’.
Bohm attempted to create a movement language with his long time colleague Basil Hiley and they called it the rheomode. Instead of saying ‘I am happy’ they proposed to say ‘I am happying’ because they knew that the movement of thought is continuous, and no sooner than a thought of being happy arises, it is immediately followed by its opposite ‘I am not happy’.
Language is a double edged sword
This reminded us that while language is useful to connect, it disconnects us just as quickly when the limbic brain does not like a word that is being used and when that part of human intelligence immediately sends a rush of adrenalin into the bloodstream, which can last up to 24 hours.
Bohm used to wonder how his dog could bark furiously at another dog and when it got around the corner, it was calmed down again. If humans could do the same, what kind of ordinary life could we live together?
Allow emotion to flow
This might mean that allowing your emotions to flow could be healthier for the body. When you damn up your emotions, there is ample evidence that the energy containment can create pathology, sometimes many years after a trauma.
I myself had a car accident thirteen years ago and only now; the fascia in my neck and shoulders are becoming painful because of a whiplash I experienced almost 114,000 hours ago.
Just before he died of a heart attack, Bohm was becoming more curious about somatic awareness. As a lifelong manic-depressive, he himself knew the depths of depression. Much of his own awareness about the complexity of the dark mind came from his visits to his deep unconscious, just like C.G. Jung and countless other humans who found that their genius comes at a high price to their peace and quiet of mind.
Use your full voice
One member spoke about being in a Dialogue circle when there were a few moments of silence. The beauty of the silence was transformed when one of the circle members began to sing opera.
The person remembered that singing had been shut down by his mother when he was a child, and in that moment of silence, he found his voice again and forgave her for doing what she thought was best for him.
The man comes from a black culture and to share his gift of western music would have meant that he would have been ostracised by other children and village elders. In a community-based culture, this would have been the death of him. Little did she know, that had he followed his gift, it might have also been the life of him?
Expansion and Contraction
One of the members said they were re-reading ‘the lazy man’s guide to enlightenment’ by Thaddeus Golas and mentioned that according to this Polish philosopher, the only thing that live beings do in the universe is to ‘expand or contract their vibrational frequency’.
He said that in ordinary life, he has adopted a practice of ‘pause, think and pivot’ depending on which way he wishes to focus his vibrational energy. There is no guarantee of always expanding because sometimes, contracting is necessary.
As Jim Collins once wrote ‘The hedgehog has a perfect defense system when it rolls into a ball’. He of course called it the hedgehog principle – the very thing that an organism does beautifully when it is under attack.
Never the what, always the who
One member spoke about Jung again in that he suggested that when patients presented to him and they spoke about ‘what’ the problem was; he always used to ask ‘who’ the problem is? And this changed the inquiry for both the doctor and the patient immediately.
Thought, image and desire
Another member added that Jiddu Krishnamurti, long time dialogue partner for Bohm once proposed that no sooner than the thought arise, that the image also arises and as soon as the image arises, so does desire.
As we learn from Buddhists, they claim that desire is the sole cause of suffering on the planet. Together we noticed the speed and the subtlety with which we can place ourselves into states of suffering just because of an unguarded thought.
If we allow our thoughts to guard our essence, as it is said in Latin ‘Quis custodiet ipsos custodes?’ – who guards the guards?
Action Learning
This is perhaps how living an ordinary dialogic life could be described as an action learning process. Firstly, we can experience the action and then figure out what is to be learned from it.
The two K’s – Koinonia and Kenosis
One member recalled that Bohm often wrote about Koinonia, a Greek word for impersonal fellowship. It means that even though we did not know each other in the circle, we could all feel a certain communion.
Another member brought in another Greek word beginning with ‘K’; Kenosis. It means to drop the ego in order to be closer to the divine.
Contact and Movement
One member spoke about their experience of being in a process group where people used their bodies to connect with each other. In a process of oscillating, yielding and pressing, the participants became responsible for their own landing gear and it begged the question of ‘who is the room pressing me with?’ The practice of the members is to be open to what is happening without pushing.
Beyond conventional wisdom
The group noticed that wisdom when it is conventional might be a limit to the Dialogue. This refers to what Bohm used to call ‘thunks’ – the past tense of the word think, meaning that the thought is from the past and is no longer meaningful or useful in the moment.
Even worse than that, conventional wisdom may end up being conventional stupidity if it is not tested for relevance and coherence in the group.
Psychological Safety
Dialogue benefits from as much psychological safety as can be created by the group. In this way, modern humans may be able to gain the benefits of what was called Native American wisdom by one group member.
In this way, in practicing a type of mindfulness, each member can get back to presence quickly when they are drawn away from the moment by an unobserved thought or feeling. This could even be called a ritual – a sacrament of coming back into the circle, so as not to miss where it is at in terms of its collective intelligence.
At the deepest level, this means that members of a Dialogue circle have to become comfortable with being there and knowing that for the time of the circle itself, there is nowhere else to be and nothing else to do. If they can also do this when they are buying petrol or groceries; this would be a great feat of discipline and compassion.
Living life in and through the question
Living a Dialogic life means experiencing the questions that arise within yourself and from those that you deeply hear from others. It means living your daily existence through the questions that perturb your own sense of comfort and defense.
It is this core Dialogic principle of ‘not being certain’ in the moment that allows pure creativity to gently appear, as Bohm said ‘as if truth walked into the room unannounced’.
In suspending our certainty, language becomes a flowing river between the consciousness’s of each member of the group with the consciousness of the group as a whole.
String Theory
In string theory, it is proposed that the centre of gravity is outside the mass of the object. It is like when astronauts walk in outer space; they are tethered to the mother ship because they have no centre of gravity.
Perhaps it is the same in a Dialogic life?
The centre of gravity may not exist in any one word or in any one person. It may exist as a fluid and floating point of presence that moves from mind to mind, from heart to heart and from mouth to ear. As Bohm said, it enfolds and unfolds.
By being vulnerable enough to give your own ego the gift of not having to know everything, you can give yourself over to the Dialogue, allowing multiple perspectives and avoiding the all too easy trap of getting caught up in definitions.
The word Dialogue can block the Dialogue
It was not lost on the group that the word Dialogue could block the very thing that it is trying to foster, especially if people have different perspectives on what Dialogue is and is not. It is a word that suffers from the fallacy of obviousness.
This is where openness is needed in every second of the process. The paradox is that anybody who enters Dialogue by being open to being open, must also be open to being closed.
When you notice that we are trying to convince others of our viewpoint, or if you miss the language clues, you may fail to behold the three-dimensional language that Dialogue invokes.
This means that people can switch into their native tongue without anyone needing to understand their words, and if the group is willing to hear the emotion, very little loss of meaning will be experienced; because people will be listening from the heart rather than from the ear.
Changing your mind
One of the core practices of Dialogue is the willingness to change your mind on any topic or subject that you come into the circle with. These may be strongly held views, beliefs or opinions. As the collective safety opens up to a deeper meaning, perhaps this strongly held opinion is no longer relevant or no longer coherent?
Perhaps the very collective mind is changing itself as it listens to the viewpoints of the members of the Dialogue – be that in a formal circle or in a conversation at your kitchen table.
Of course this means being willing to change what you believe, and until it is changed again, believing what you change. This leads to the advanced practice of being able to like some aspects of something that you do not normally like.
Speaking on behalf of the archetype
The group noticed that sometimes we may speak for ourselves, but we are always unconsciously representing some kind of an archetype. Sometimes, it can help to speak on behalf of this complex or energy that visits you from time to time. Not everything comes from the ego.
We must do all we can in life to create the conditions to feel any raw emotion that arises. It is always good to remember that we are all made of the same stuff, and the others are always feeling it too.
In a Dialogue, we separate behavior from personality and in doing so, we can all understand the various levels of ego maturity of the person you are relating to, including your own.
You do not have to agree
In a Dialogue, you do not have to agree. All you have to do is show the other person that they have been heard. If you able to hold space very well, the person may even feel beheld by you.
The easiest way for this to happen is simply to tap into to what they are feeling. While it is often called empathy, it is more often felt as a silence within your own head and heart so that you can softly hear the noise in the mind of the other.
Just like Socrates said ‘Know Thyself’, in doing so, you will become aware that the group can turn on you at any time if it feels threatened. It is often useful to take a break and to move chairs on your return. By doing this, you will have a totally new perspective which helps to maintain awareness of where any threat may be coming from.
No need to idolise
Always be aware that no matter how hard you want it, or how hard you try, this may not be the time and place for Dialogue. In allowing for this reality, you can be who you are by naming what you are thinking and feeling. You do not have to idealise Dialogue or even to idolise Bohm or any of this students.
In practicing any kind of self-awareness, be it through your own mind, be it through your own body or through the group, there are many routes to the collective mind.
In knowing that the spirit of Dialogue may be quite different from the practice of Dialogue, you release yourself from any dogma that may hamper true Dialogue taking place.
This means that even if you are in agreement or if you are in disagreement you still participate. Let people know that you disagree and you that you are willing to be open to exploring your own thoughts and feelings on the issue.
Clearing the pollution
Bohm suggested that we need to clear the waterfall if the pool is polluted. But remember that some people will want to clean the pool and some people will want to unpollute the waterfall and that both are necessary.
In the shift from ‘ego’ to ‘wego’ and from ‘my’ to ‘our’, it is ok to be alone in the group and at the same time, be a part of it. By being prepared to take down any scaffolding at any time that was created up the circle, a voice may have spoken through you that you do not recognise as your own. Such a voice may lead to a new understanding, even though it may not necessarily lead to a new meaning.
Enjoy it, even if it is a train wreck
Overall, it is always useful to enjoy the chaos and the lack of agenda and direction, at least for part of the time. Enjoy the participation in the thunks, the thinks and the thinking together.
Always be prepared for a train wreck of your own expectations. Not everything goes the way you plan it in this dimension. Even if the circle is considered to have failed, the real learning happens when the circle is over. As always, any learning starts when the training is finished.
Processing speeds and Dialogic athletes
Remember that people process at different speeds and in different ways. Be aware of how quietly any ‘role identity’ may take over. The ego is very sneaky and it will use every manner and means to assert itself.
It is always useful to refrain from being a Dialogic assassin or a Dialogic athlete, knowing that others cannot keep up with how much you know about Dialogue. Lose your sense of time, as you hold no more than a space for the others and for your tiny voice that almost always has to sit silently in meetings.
Everybody is projecting
Know that everyone including you will be projecting, so stay focused on the members and on the space. Create safety for different senses of humour. Watch and listen for people who have not felt heard. They may be listened to, but they may not feel heard. They may not even be able to hear themselves.
All transformation brings with it disruption. Every eco system that grows has to break its cell walls in order to expand; it is simply nature in motion.
Be aware of beneath
Remain acutely aware that beneath the circle, there is always a volcano. There is always an endless sea and undercurrents of thought, feeling and consciousness.
Any time you feel yourself blocking your own thought or that of another, ask yourself why is that happening? If you feel safe enough, voice your process into the group. It will help the others to model the behaviour. You may even be open to changing your mind, but you simply do not notice it yet
Let the learning dissolve
It is ok to let the learning dissolve like a sand painting. What you learn may not be for you. It may be for leaders, for knowledge in the system or for the active information that acts as the institutional memory.
Remember that learning is a decision that is taken long before any Dialogue begins. At the end of any session, you can ask yourself ‘what have I learned?’ and ‘what have I unlearned?’
Your own language may tell you that you have not learned at all, but be patient; consciousness learns of its own accord and it will let you know when you least expect it.
Curiosity
If you can create a culture of curiosity instead of a culture of knowledge, you are more likely to stumble into a Dialogue, so watch carefully what you resist to be curious about.
There is no same page for everybody to be on. It is like learning to play three-dimensional chess when you have been used to the ordinary two-dimensional chess all your life. It is only one layer more, but the complexity is exponential.
Thought is a reflex
Remember that Bohm suggested that thought is nothing more than a reflex; so be prepared to change any belief that appears incoherent to you or to others.
By maintaining conscious awareness of what you are doing, and also of what you are not doing, you will always get value from any Dialogue process, even if you do not say a word the whole time.
Fourth Industrial Revolution
As we enter 4IR, less will be clear and more will be chaotic. In this sense, behaviour is very likely to change while value systems may not. Worldview systems will only change when the person who is in a Dialogue deeply feels transformation.
The more we circle up, the more we are grateful that we can do so. We continue to be aware of our own biases, and we remain aware of the danger of Bohm’s idea to make meaning meaningless. It upsets the natives!
Will weapons that think and shoot for themselves have moral qualms about ending life? Will a self-driving car knock down the grandmother or the child if it has to kill only one person? Who does it save? Who writes the code for that?
While Dialogue is one mechanism for change, it is not the only one and there are always secrets, even in groups that have met for many years. We may never know what is not being said, but a sentient being who is tuned into his or her own emotion, will often feel that something is not right and may feel brave enough to ask about it.
Dialogic Millenials?
Will millenials be dialogic? Will the generation after them be? Will they accept that thought is not PART of their relationship to other generations but it IS their relationship to them?
As we enter a period of our so called 21st Century civilisation where even the humble breakfast is posted on facebook, culture will continue to recede because it does not want us to know what it is up to.
Because we absorb culture rather than study it, we may not be able to give it the time space and distance to relate to it clearly and coherently. Unless a group wants to change its culture, nothing will ever change, no matter how much Dialogue takes place.
We need incoherence too
While it may feel nice to have a coherent conversation, perhaps for you to make that change that you do not know about, you might need to have an incoherent conversation first!
Following on too easily in a coherent way in a Dialogue may be the very ruse that the ego uses to avoid your more difficult thoughts and feelings. It may be a ruse created by thought itself so as not to examine it.
As always in this third dimension, incoherence is a natural part of coherence because wholeness always is.
As always in our regular Dialogue Zoom, we are aware of the presence we felt, the gratitude that we feel and the unusualness of our experiences
ENDS