Flip your fears: what have I learned from doing a fear of success exercise for 14 days in a row

Have you ever heard about fear of success??

When I have first came across this notion, I was a bit puzzled, because I was wondering, why would anyone have fear of success? Isn’t it what we all want and aspire to ?

At society level, we do tend to normalise certain fears, like fear of hight, fear of dark, fear of speed, even fear of failure we normalise it, because, hey, who wants to fail and take a hit? We all want to succeed. If that is all there is, then what is it that is holding us back from succeeding??

We are born with only 3 innate fears: fear of falling (crucial for surviving in the first months), and fear of abandonment (as we depend on our mothers or caregivers to survive), and there is also fear of loud sounds. All other fears are acquired based on environment, parents, beliefs we develop based on our personal life experience.?

Fear of success is as real as any other fear, but it is not an authentic fear, because as all other fears, are not rooted in the present and in the reality, but in the future, a future that we do not know. And for the gaps of what we don’t know, we use our imagination to project unwanted events, in the desire to protect ourselves from danger.?

As much as we want success, it usually implies change, our own transformation into the person that is capable of success, a person that acts despite fear and potential risks. And change is hard and slow. Try changing the habit for example of not keeping your legs crossed when you sit on your chair at your desk.?

As Carl Jung says it very well:

“Where Your Fear is, There is your Task”

In this counterintuitive exercise, involving writing down my fears related to success, I had to think about, why I would fear success? If there is such a thing. Let me tell you that this resistance kept me away from doing this exercise for more than 6 months. Because I would consider it a silly exercise, how can this help me in my business? I need to work in my business, not doing black magic exercises. Yet I have reached a point where I have said, why not? And happy to find an accountability partner to share this exercise for 14 days, it seemed like the perfect timing.?

In my first day, what I noticed was that it felt like a relief to write down my 20 fears of success. They kept pouring down on the paper, it all came naturally. Same for day 2, however the following days, I have started having difficulties to fill in the paper with fears. I had to spend more time to really dig deep and ask myself, what is it that I fear about being a successful coach? I didn’t block myself, I put on paper anything that came to my mind, no filter, as silly or not justified as it could be. Following days, as I was writing my fears, I started hearing this inner voice starting to challenge my fears.?

So for example, my fear of being a successful coach is that I would end up working a lot and lose sight of looking after myself (as I tend to immerse in work when I am passionate about what I do), that I would have less time for my family and friends, and that people would still judge me, criticise me.??Even feeling guilty for earning money and having a successful business ( I believe this one resonates with many women), that my success is short lived, that people would still discover I am a fraud. The inner voice was keep coming with “So what?”, “So what?”, and indeed, when I was honest with myself, there was nothing to really justify the fear. Only maybe a freighted EGO, that slowly calms down.?

By the time we reached the middle of the exercise, about day 9-10, the space I would require to write my fears decreased considerably, my sentences became way shorter and I even started having a conflict with keep writing “I have a fear of…”.?

What I have also noticed during these days is that all fears are connected to own person, fear restricts our experiences as humans on earth and keeps us in isolation from connecting to other people.

The Personal Universe becomes so small and restricted when we give attention to the fear.

And the voice in my head is inviting to ask myself the question, what if I replace fear with love? what would change? and then I notice that when I think from a place of love, the Universe expands, because it’s also becoming about impacting the community, sharing, bringing value to more than just my own personal life. Fantastic perspective, which I want to embrace more!

As humans, we are inclined to believe that if we stay humble (or I would say constrict us to remain small), not wishing for big dreams, aiming too high, life would be good to us.?

I surprised myself writing that if I earn a lot of money, bad things will happened. As if, bad things happen only to those with a lot of money. But is that true?

There is evidence everywhere that people lacking financial wealth are not necessarily healthier or happier, or living better lives. The opposite is also true: being rich doesn’t shelter you from hardship in life and challenges. As much as we want to believe we can control the world around us to keep us safe, it’s just an illusion and if we don’t raise our consciousness, we are going to spend our life chasing and living out of this illusion, which will make all life experience an illusion, lacking meaning and purpose. Also the positive voice were there, saying that you are supported in what you want to do, you are supported, and looking at my portrait made by a dear friend of mine, I start to see it different. I start to see the Daring Ana, the Ana that has fire in her belly, that wants to help humanity evolve, that chooses to see beyond the illusions of life, seeking and choosing the truth. Because truth is all there is and that will give me liberation, as for everyone that chooses it and in good faith.?

Fears lose their power when we surrender them on paper, when we give them space, there is also a space that is created for us to make better decisions, empowered decisions that move us in the direction of what we desire.?

Checking in with my fears also enabled me to look beyond the financial goals?in my business and think further, on what these financial goals bring in terms of quality of life, impact, comfort, development, and choosing to focus on these, rather than numbers every day.?

I also had an interesting experience during this exercise, because after day 2, I woke up the next morning with a huge pain in my right hand, I couldn’t close the fist, my index was hurting and felt tingling in all other fingers. It was very weird, especially after writing down that I have fear of being successful because inevitably I would get sick from so much work. It was like the Universe challenged me in my own beliefs. There it was my opportunity to prove it wrong to my fears. What I did that evening was to use my left hand to write my fears (anyways it was a long time ago promise to write more with my left hand). Also it was my chance to shift my perspective on how I respond to when I am not 100%. The new me chose to adapt my daily routine to what was possible, not complain that life puts challenges ahead and by the evening my hand was already better.?

I believe my better version evolved from this exercise, which gave power to that inner voice that was staying silent and small because all the space was taken up by fears (unjustified).?

My intention of sharing this exercise with you is to prove how much energy we can start saving for what we REALLY WANT, if instead of using it just to shut down fears and avoid discomfort, we would lean in and give them the space required on paper, with no filter, no limit. Once that the space for fear is expensed, there is no other choice, than for that positive, hopeful, constructive voice to take up the space created.?

Fear is not an obstacle or a blocker unless we choose to see it as such.

However, stopping because of fear, it is also a conscious or less conscious choice of staying where you are, as you are, despite in satisfaction and unfulfillment.?

Choosing fear means continuing to choose that version of yourself that might have reached it’s maximum potential. To outgrow yourself, you will have to face your fears, and do it anyway!?

I don’t say it is easy or comfortable, and I am most grateful for my accountability partner that was a success partner in this case, finding time every day to do this as it was important for both and exploring interesting conversations emerging from this.?

If you want to know more about the fear exercise or feel ready to conquer your fears and go for that life you dream about, and you need my support as your coach, please reach out with a message and let’s connect!??

Remember, fear keeps you in isolation, so I invite you to take a small dose of courage and reach out, even if it feels uncomfortable. Success is built when you choose courage over fear and evolve into the person that goes beyond fears.?

I am happy to hear from you if you want to share anything that resonated with you from this newsletter or inspired you in any way! I am committed to writing content that can help you grow and evolve into the person that can make all their dreams come true!?

In the words of a Tibetan proverb:

“It is better to have lived one day as a tiger, than one thousand years as a sheep.” This of this next time you feel unreal fear

(“Free yourself from Fears with NLP: Overcoming Anxiety and Living without Worry”, Joseph O’Connor).?