A Flight to Catch!

I've often heard people say philosophical stuff like, "You're limited by your own imagination" or "You can do anything if you can dream it." Such statements sound empowering at the start, conflicted after a while, and then plain stupid eventually.

What if you came to realize that all your life, you've been limited not just by your own imagination but also that of others?

Recently, I've realized that all my life (much of the 38 years of it), I've not been living. I have been "living up". Living up to the expectations of my teachers, then living up to the expectations of my friends and family, and now living up to the expectations of my clients and colleagues. While, all along, I've also been living up to my own expectations... and that's the real high horse. Isn't it? More about that later.

But one such person whose expectations I was living up to is our family astrologer. That's right. While most families have family doctors and family lawyers, we have a family astrologer.

The year was 1993. My parents were visiting the astrologer. It could have been anything... a new business opportunity, a business model gone wrong, an impending health condition, a real estate purchase, a potential marriage alliance for a family member, or even higher education. He was a man for all occasions. During their session, one thing led to another, and he ended up sharing his prediction about me.... He said,

"Your son is destined for great things. In fact, I can clearly see the stars align in such a favorable manner that one day, he will travel in an aircraft!"

Okay, the year probably wasn't 1993. I just said that for dramatic effect and to set the context. But it was indeed a pretty long time ago. My parents came back home and shared the good news with me. For a middle-class Indian family, flying was a pretty big deal. In fact, my family members (and even my extended family) who had had a chance to fly were part of our folklore.

Thanks to the astrologer. My north star was set. I started believing that I was indeed special. I started lusting about air travel and luxury living. Whether astrology is a science or not is not the point here. But, the barometer for my life’s success was subconsciously set (and thereby limited) by what was the ultimate symbol of success for a middle-class astrologer.?

I started working hard—at everything. It seemed logical: Study hard, run that race, be number one, and be successful at whatever you do. That's what high fliers do, right?

When I was in the 8th grade, I was shocked to learn that a friend had flown to Denmark for summer school. How could someone with lesser grades, poorer fitness, and zero popularity in school be "successful" enough to fly internationally? And what the heck was summer school? It didn't add up. I still remember the Lufthansa luggage tag he had on his suitcase when he returned. My teenage, middle-class value system was shattered. Even several months and years later, I wasn't able to come to terms with this aberration.

Once I started understanding money (and that was pretty early in life), I realized it wasn't easy to earn a lot of it. I hadn't taken any flights yet. But I now found an arsenal of justifications.

Why should one even take a flight? Trains are better. Flights aren’t worth it. Not only are they far more expensive, but they also don't evoke the same nostalgia as long-distance trains do. Flights are for brats, and trains are for thinkers and dreamers. Trains are for mavericks, writers, and creative folk. Also, those who "waste" money on flights would have probably amassed it using unfair means or a chanced inheritance. People who work hard for their money travel by train... Oh, the games our mind plays!

Luckily, things change with time. We meet people, we learn, we dare, we dream, and good stuff happens. If we let it happen. I've been working on myself. To identify my limitations and to address my fears.

Over the last few months, I have realized that I've just been crushing myself under the weight of my own expectations. I've been running a race with myself, conjuring an imaginary adversary, setting up my own stringent playbook, and setting the bar higher and higher. There is a home team, an away team, a couple of on-field umpires, and the match referee - all of these within my own mind. It's like my split personalities have their own split personalities.

I don't know how many flights I've taken to date. Probably twenty in the last year. It might seem too few or too many, depending on who you are. But for me, taking flights is now a routine. And yes, I know it means nothing.

With that, I'll close this piece. I gotta go. Of course, there are no points for guessing. I'm in a hurry. I've got A Flight to Catch!