[Flash] Bark Less Wag More. (Less Judging More Observing)

When I was younger, my dad insisted on arriving at the airport three hours before any flight. We entertained ourselves by “people watching.”? ?

We would park ourselves in high-traffic areas and comment unabashedly on the parade of fascinating outfits, actions, and conversations as they rushed past us.?

Essentially, we were critiquing people based on nothing more than what we momentarily witnessed. To this day,?being judgy is an entrenched vice that I admittedly work hard to counteract. ?

Consider a similar judgment-prone concept: “punishing without looking.” Researchers coined this term to describe the internet pile-on that occurs when people publicly condemn someone’s behavior without asking more questions or seeking additional information. ?

Why the rush to judgment?

• negligence or laziness (considering alternative perspectives takes work)
• virtue-signaling (“adding my criticism makes me look like a good person.”)
• demonstrating loyalty to a person or an issue?
• reputational rewards (on social media, people scrutinize other peoples’ reactions)

Examining this impulse to “punish without looking,” Northwestern Professor Nour Kteily wondered, “Are people evaluating the evidence? Are they actually looking at the full picture?” ?

After conducting various experiments, Kteily recommended incorporating practices that force us to deliberate and consider opposing perspectives. ?

“Imagine a world where you had to give your reasons before signing a petition or forwarding a news article,” Kteily suggested.? ?

To break my own punish-without-looking, judging-without-observing habit, I am committed to 2 practices:

1. Mentoring Others. To effectively mentor, I must?be curious, ask questions, introduce alternative perspectives, observe, seek the whole picture, and discard my judgment.

2. Chasing Context. ? Law school taught me to always assume there are multiple sides to every situation.? ?

• “I wonder what their story is…”
• “What am I missing? What am I not seeing?”
• “I’m curious to know why that happened…”
• “What would the other side say?”
• “I’m eager to see how they respond…”

Everyone is a work in progress, with stories and backstories. And one interaction is egregiously insufficient to assess another’s character. We need to keep observing and engaging! ?

You won't always catch me in my best moment, but I do hope you'll catch me in my next moment. ?

I have a magnet on my fridge that says “Bark Less. Wag More.” My dogs blatantly ignore this advice as they encounter strange people and dogs in the real world.?They don’t observe; they judge. ?

The rest of us can do better. ? 2024. Ann Tardy and MentorLead.

www.mentorlead.com. All Rights Reserved. ps. Have you registered yet for our 2024-Q2?complimentary webinar?? "Unlock the Power of Mentoring Programs to Retain Nurses, Improve Leadership, and Strengthen Your Hospital" Date: Tues May 14 @ 10am PT | 1pm ET Register:?https://us06web.zoom.us/webinar/register/WN_dFKVwhWVSMGrbMftJJmSLg#/registration