[Flash] Actionable Advice or Flaccid Feedback? You Decide…

Many years ago, a new team member, Sally, showed up to a client Zoom meeting dressed in a ripped, food-stained college sweatshirt. My mentoring skills were put to the test.? ?

As her boss, I knew I had to say something - it was unprofessional.? ?

But I didn’t want to hurt Sally’s feelings or embarrass her. We had just started working together - we were still in the process of building trust remotely. ? ?

I was conflicted. Should I ignore this and hope it doesn’t happen again? Should I set a dress code? Should I give her feedback? ?

None of those options were appealing.? ?

I tried a different approach – I offered Sally advice: ? ?

“Unfortunately, our clients are always judging us. If they don’t see you as a professional, they’ll discount your contributions. And you have valuable perspectives and ideas to share!” ?

Sally responded, “Omigosh! I didn’t even think of that!” Then, together, we brainstormed comfortable and smart clothing ideas that would instantly convey her credibility on video.? ?

Giving advice was refreshing – I became Sally’s supportive and empowering thought partner! And our exchange lacked any inkling of criticism or defensiveness. She knew I was standing on her side, not sitting in judgment. ? ?

Now there’s research that backs up this advice-over-feedback approach.? ?

In 2019, Harvard University researchers conducted experiments asking people to review a letter written by their peers. Half the people were asked to provide “feedback” to their peers while the others were asked to give “advice.” ?

The results??

• The term feedback prompted “evaluative, vague responses and praising comments.”?
• Soliciting?advice encouraged “constructive, specific, and actionable guidance for improvement.”?

Organizational psychologist and author Adam Grant says the problem with feedback is that it invites either:

1. Cheerleading: motivating but not educational or
2. Criticism: educational but discouraging

Because people are afraid of hurting another's feelings, they tend “to tread too carefully to tell you anything useful,” Grant reflects. ?

To ensure we are harvesting useful information, we need to ask for and offer actionable advice instead of flaccid feedback. ?

To ask for it:

• “I’d love your insight on this.”
• “What’s your perspective?”
• “Can I ask for your thoughts on this situation?”
• “Can I get your advice on what I can do better next time?”
• “What are your ideas for improving…?”?
• “What would you recommend?”
• “I’d appreciate your guidance.”

? To offer it:

• “One idea that might make a difference…”
• “Have you thought of trying…”
• “It might be worth exploring…”
• “I might recommend…”
• “I have a suggestion for your next meeting…”
• “You might consider…”

While advice is the cornerstone of mentoring, weaving advice into our interactions can elevate the impact of our relationships and pivot our success.?

? 2025. Ann Tardy and MentorLead. www.mentorlead.com. All Rights Reserved.

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