Flag to the Future

“I’m not trying to be funny,” he said as he waved for me to approach him.

It was the first time we’d spoken actual words as neighbors in the year since my husband and I took residence in the home. Up until then, we shared a noncommittal head nod or perfunctory wave.

“I’m not trying to be funny,” he repeats. “I’m going to put up a battle flag.” It took a while for the words to land on me as I searched my brain for the visual presentation of a “battle flag”.  

This was at the height of the growing calls for the Confederate monuments to come down -- a reactionary response to the mass shooting at a Charleston church. 

The world was negotiating the different meanings of this flag and whose version of this history was more important.

“I’m only doing this because the government is trying to tell me I can’t,” he defended. 

I really didn’t know what to say. I was aware of the shooting and the call for the monuments to come down but I wasn’t following either story too closely. I value my mental health too much to stay in a constant state of outrage. 

My neighbor said a few more things I didn’t quite hear as I’d checked out of the conversation. “It’s your property. Do what you like. Thanks for telling me,” I finally replied. 

This is the view outside my home. My husband and I are the only African-Americans in the cul de sac.  

It’s been five years now, that a confederate flag waves across the street where I live. Most days, I don’t notice it, but there are many days I do. It’s a microaggression and when I really consider the flag’s full history to the people from whom I descend -- it does hurt. But whose right matters most, his right to fly it or my right to feel safe?

My neighbor and I have not answered this question. In fact, we’ve decided to peacefully coexist. He brings us fresh eggs from his hens. He watches our home when we’re away -- even confronting a new lawn guy whom he’d never seen before. 

My husband and I laughed as our landscaper detailed how he opened our back gate to plan his course of action on cutting the yard and turned around to our neighbor squaring up his stance and asking him, “Who are you and what are you doing here?”

After our neighbor was satisfied that the lawn guy wasn’t there to cause us any harm, he remarked, “These are good people.”

And yes, in case you are wondering we have had “the talks” about slavery, Obama, Trump and 30-years worth of neighborhood gossip. Besides the gossip, we will never agree on any world views. 

Oh wait, well we did agree on the Affordable Care Act individual mandate being removed, but aside from that we are worlds apart and that’s ok. 

The world tells us we should hate each other, but we don’t. 

We don’t need to understand each other. That is not a requirement for life on this planet. 

There is a mutual respect that we are different. We come from different worlds. We look at the world through different experiences. But we can and we do live in peace together. 

For us, the flag has not been a symbol of division. It has been a device to open up a conversation.

I’m not going to dislike you or hate you because I don’t agree with your politics or your beliefs instead I’m going to look for common ground and build a bridge from there. And so the flag waves. 

This is my driving force for helping people tell their stories. I truly believe our stories are the key to social change. 

It’s through our stories that we witness the lives of others and look for the gateway to change -- respect. 

Disclaimer: I’m not speaking for every person or every flag, I’m speaking on this particular person. I’m not naive, but I do remain the eternal optimist.

Reesy Floyd-Thompson is the president of StoryMakers, a communications and messaging firm representing, socially-driven companies & entrepreneurs. As communications and master brand story strategist she helps leaders learn how to turn their life experiences into profitable brand stories and how to use strategic communication to move people to action.

She also prepares and executes communications, crisis and marketing plans for small businesses and corporations. As well as providing onsite training and workshops.

She has been featured or quoted in Blavity, Entrepreneur, YFS Magazine, Forbes, The Huffington Post, Inside Business, CoVABIZ and Coastal Virginia Magazine. She was named Best Outstanding Emerging Professional and Best Social Media Personality by CoVA Biz Magazine. She is also a Women in Business honoree as named by Inside Business. Learn more about StoryMakers at storymakersconsulting.com.

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