Five Years of Wisdom

"I’ve missed more than 9,000 shots in my career. I’ve lost almost 300 games. Twenty-six times I’ve been trusted to take the game-winning shot and missed. I’ve failed over and over and over again in my life. And that is why I succeed." -- Michael Jordan

December 21st, 2017

I was in the middle of trying to understand exactly who I was after I had been laid off four months prior from an executive level role. That role defined a large part of my identity at that time and without it, I had no sense of self. I was financially well off between that which my wife and I had saved plus the severance coming in, so I knew I had time with respect to money. And I wasn't in any mood to burden those around me with the myriad of negative self-talk going through my head, so I made it a point not to burn any relationships I had due to my struggles.

So by default, I ended up sacrificing my health, specifically in the form of depression and anxiety induced alcoholism.

That night, as we were picking the kids up from after school, I felt severe pains in my chest, head, and back. As we got back to the house and we're about to sit down to have dinner, I pulled my wife aside and said I needed to go to the ER. In the ER, they immediately pull me into the back room and take my blood pressure reading.

It was 180/110.

A battery of tests would follow to make sure there wasn't something that was immediately fatal going on in my system.

While I was waiting for some of the results to come back, my family was allowed to come visit me. As I was lying in bed, I looked at my son who could not comprehend how severe things were -- to him, Daddy was not feeling well.

To me, I was trying to figure out the last things I would want him to hear from me if it came to it.

Fortunately, it did not turn out to be a heart attack or any other severely dehabilitating condition -- just severe hypertension. Over the next six months, I would learn mindsets, lifestyle changes, medicines, and techniques that would allow me to keep my blood pressure under relative control.

I vowed I would never make trade offs for my health again.

December 21st, 2019

I was in a period of transition. After re-entering the workforce in mid-2018, my position was being eliminated as part of a large, multi-billion dollar merger.

I had a disdain for corporate America and did not want to put myself in a position where I was relying on corporate America for, amongst other things, my health.

I decided I was going to move on from corporate America.

At that time, my son was having fun in martial arts and an opportunity presented itself for me to start a business in the space. It felt like the universe was sending me signals that this was my next move and, because all that was required at first was the initial investment, I didn't have to worry about the realized financial implications for a bit.

But I knew I was still in a period where not everything was clear -- the nebulousness of the situation did not sit well with me. Unlike in 2017, I knew I could not let my thoughts simply fester in my head.

So by default, I ended up burdening my friends with my emotions. I needed them to help keep me calm during this period of transition.

And one by one, a number of them put up the sign -- some implicitly by checking out, others more directly -- that I had violated their boundaries.

Many of those people are now lost from my life.

Eventually, enough progress was made on the new business venture along with new connections that I felt "whole" again. But the damage had been done, and it didn't sit well with me.

I vowed I would never allow myself to lose meaningful relationships in that manner again.

December 21st, 2021

The learning pains associated with how to operate the new business venture along with unforeseen circumstances, such as the prolonged impact of COVID, were taking its toll.

The business was not operating the way I had projected -- far from it -- and I knew that I needed to address it. This was not only for my sake, but also for my primary stakeholders -- my wife and family -- along with the employees who's livelihood depended on me.

It was a charge I took very seriously.

At this time, I had developed enough mental fortitude that while it was a stressful situation, it wasn't nebulous. I was determined to see things through, so I wasn't experiencing poor health as a result.

And I had learned my lessons from two years ago... this was my mess to own, and I was going to take ownership without overly burdening others.

So by default, I ended up spending a resource that was necessary to turn things around -- wealth. The business needed me to inject more of my time, money, and focus into it for it to turn around.

I also set limits in terms of how much longer I would give myself on this venture, and asked my wife to hold me accountable. I knew I would be emotionally charged to continue so as "not to fail".

When the time came, and with the significant help of my wife who held me to my promise to her and the family, I exited the business. And I did so without regrets -- I had given it my all, and I could walk away from the sunk costs associated with it.

When I got far enough past the event to review it, I realized I had made an investment into something that wasn't in my zone of genius, nor was it a venture that I was really running towards. It wasn't truly aligned with my purpose or passion.

I vowed that if I ever took an entrepreneurial risk again, I would apply these lessons in terms of wealth and alignment into them.

Today

As I write this, I see how much I've changed and grown over time. And I see clearly how the last five years, and all the wisdom it has provided me, allowed me to launch my coaching practice with peace and perspective.

My efforts are aligned with my passion and purpose, and I'm running towards this opportunity with true engagement because it helps fuel my soul.

My decisions are grounded in terms of taking calculated entrepreneurial risk and in consideration of the potential impact to my primary stakeholders -- my wife and family.

My tribe of like-minded individuals who truly want to see me and all of us succeed grows by the day, allowing me to have both quantity and quality supports to guide me through.

And my focus on my health is now inate -- I don't even have to think about it. I just do it because it's such a key element of who I am.

I have upheld my vows to not trade off those things which are important to me.

I have become loyal to myself.

My message to you and call to action

"We delight in the beauty of the butterfly but rarely admit the changes it has gone through to achieve that beauty" -- Maya Angelou

You are beautiful. You are strong. You are meant for great things. And if you are in a period of change, know that you will get through it.

And that I'm here to help you because I've been there. You can...

• Send me a direct message and let me know what's going on, or,
• Schedule a chat with me by visiting https://calendly.com/beloyaltoyou/free15

Above all else, know that you are loved. Know that those people who are true to you do not want to see you suffer. Know that the universe would not present the test in front of you unless you had enough within you already to overcome it. Know that you are worthy.

Identify what is most important to you during your time of transition and resolve to make those things important -- not just for now, but for years to come.

As for me...

I look forward to not only taking the wisdoms I've learned, particularly these last five years, and continuing to apply them.

I look forward to new wisdom I gain by doing so, and growing as a result.

Most of all, I look forward to achieving holistic success in my life without trade offs, and helping others do the same.

May we all aspire for this, and help each other achieve it.