The five ways you self-sabotage (and how to fix it)

Self-sabotage.

We all do it.

And most of time time, we have no idea we are doing it.

Self-sabotage is sneaky.

It often hides itself so well, that we would never be able to see it for what it truly is. We can justify, reason, feel that we are being completely logical in our thoughts and behaviour about why we don't start and why we don't continue.

But ultimately, if you are not where you want to be, doing what you want to do, living how you want to live - then at some level you will be self-sabotaging.

Take a moment now, and just sit with this.

Imagine how it would feel to:

• Have clarity on what you want
• Be taking positive action, no matter how stuck you feel right now
• Be able to "course correct" when you hit a snag
• Feel energised instead of overwhelmed
• Create change that lasts (whatever that means for you and lights you up) instead of always sliding back to square one

It has been said (by Albert Einstein) that insanity is doing the same thing over and over and expecting a different result.

So, if you are still doing the same things to try and create the change that you desire, but nothing is changing, then it's time to try a new approach.

If you want things to change, then YOU need to change.

"But", I hear you say, "Fiona, I have tried so many times to change, I have tried so many different things, but it just doesn't seem to stick. Whatever I do, nothing seems to work for me".

And to this I say, yes, this is true. You have tried many different things, and many different times. And so far maybe nothing has worked (I would, however, beg to differ. Many things have worked for you - it's just that you are not able to see it).

But if you things are not as you desire, then why wouldn't you just keep going until they are? One of my philosophies is that if we want things to change, then we keep trying, we throw everything at it, we keep picking ourselves up and dusting ourselves off.

We don't give up.

We keep moving, even if just an inch at a time.

Self-sabotage is all in your mind. Your thoughts, driven by your program (which was created in childhood) create an emotional state, and this state combined will determine your behaviour, eg. the action that you take... or that you don't.

So if you want to stop the self-sabotage, then you need to change your mind.

I'm going to share here with you the top five self-sabotages that I see with my clients, and every one of which has been true for me too. One of these may jump out at you, or you may identify with all of them. I'm also going to share with you the solution.

Every problem has within it the seed of the solution: the problem and the solution are two sides of the same coin, part of the whole. When you can see, name and describe the problem, you can very often see, name and describe the solution.

Awareness is the first point for change (followed by acceptance, which is a post for another day).

Which of these flavours of self-sabotage rings most true for you?

Self-Sabotage One: Lack of clarity

Not being clear on your vision, goals and priorities

Not making a decision

Not allowing yourself to dream

Stuck in the past and projecting the past into the future

Procrastination and lack of motivation

Solution

Get clear on your purpose and passion, feel it in your heart

Identify your non-negotiable decision making framework

Develop your vision

Self-Sabotage Two: No Plan

Not understanding where you are now

Not understanding where you want to be

No idea of the steps you need to take

No clearly defined plan of action

Solution

Understand the gaps and priorities between where you are now and were you would like to be

Set your goals

Make a plan

Self-Sabotage Three: Lack of Consistency

Not taking action

Being inconsistent in your action

Giving up

Allowing your emotions to determine your effort

Solution

Manage your time

Schedule your activity

Create systems

Show up and do it, whether you feel like it or not

Self-discipline is self-love

Self-Sabotage Four: Lack of Belief

Not believing it is possible

Not believing you can change

Not believing you have got it in you

Not believing that you can stick at it, or that it can last

Not believing that you have enough time/money/talent etc

Solution

Learn more about the link between your beliefs, emotions and your actions/reactions

Be present in the moment

Clean up the way you think

Honestly express how you are feeling (don't bottle it up or squash it down)

Work the plan, whether you feel like it or not

Recognise that your identity is a self-fulfilling prophecy

Self-Sabotage Five: Not Getting Help

Feeling like you "should" be able to do it on your own

You know WHAT to do, but you are not doing it

You don't know HOW to do it, but you are too ashamed to ask for help

Let me just give it one more go on my own to see how I go this time

Thinking help is too expensive or time consuming

Solution

Getting help is a sign of strength, not weakness. It shows you care

Reach out and ask for help from someone who can help you, who has been there before, has knowledge or experience that you need. There are no prizes for doing things the hard way

Build in the accountability mechanisms to guarantee your success

Reflect on the true cost to you for NOT getting help (in time, money and missed opportunities) - most times when we get help we end up saving or making more time or money in the end

When we want things to change, we need to focus all of our attention on what we are creating. To move our thinking out of the past, and into the present moment.

To remind ourselves that just because it has always been like this, is no reason that it has to continue like this.

If we do what we have always done, we will get what we have always got.

And remember always, if you change your mind, you will change your life.

If you'd like to go a bit deeper into the content shared here, you can watch the self-sabotage masterclass here , or listen to the episode on The Happiness Hunter Podcast .

If you would like to learn more about how I can help you learn how to get out of your own way, please get in touch.