Five ways to play the status game

Ben Gunn was 14 when he killed his school friend in a play fight that got out of hand. He was convicted of murder and ordered to serve a minimum 10 year custodial sentence. As a child murderer, he faced harsh treatment and ostracism. Ben resisted authority early on and endured solitary confinement. However, over time, he built a life in prison by studying, earning degrees and becoming a prison lawyer. This gained respect among inmates and notoriety with officials.

Despite repeated parole opportunities, Ben sabotaged his chances, clinging to the structure and identity prison provided. A relationship with Alex, a visiting teacher, offered a path to freedom, but he hesitated, fearing the loss of purpose he had found inside.

Encouraged by Alex and the growing popularity of a blog he wrote, Ben finally left after 33 years. Outside, he struggled with profound loss and disorientation, unable to replace the sense of self worth he had built in prison.

The status game

Winning status is about survival. It’s not just vanity or ego; it’s evolution at work. - Will Storr

Status is a deep-seated, evolutionary necessity, shaping behaviours, relationships and societies. Examining the psychological, social and cultural dimensions of the status game, explains why we compete for recognition and how it impacts our lives.

Status has been central to human survival for millennia, determining access to safety, resources and mates. High status individuals were more likely to thrive and reproduce. Achieving status triggers dopamine rewards, reinforcing behaviours leading to social elevation, which drives us to compete for recognition.

Types of status game

The type of status game you play depends on who you’re around and what they value most. - Will Storr

The main types of status games are:

• Dominance games: Rooted in power and fear, these involve physical strength or coercion. Historically significant, dominance games still play a role in social and professional dynamics today.
• Virtue games: Focused on moral superiority, virtue signalling demonstrates adherence to societal norms, often gaining prominence in modern online spaces aligned with causes like social justice.
• Success games: About achievement and excellence, success games thrive in meritocratic systems, where accomplishments like wealth or innovation define status.

Individuals often play multiple games simultaneously, depending on circumstances and aspirations. Ben’s story illustrates the different types of status games. In prison, he played a dominance game, asserting his intellect and resisting authority. Over time, he shifted to a virtue game, building respect among inmates and authorities through self-education and legal work. Upon his release, he had to navigate a success game, grappling with a new societal context that no longer reinforced his previous status.

Ways to play the status game

Human beings are wired to pursue status, but how we achieve it depends entirely on the game we’re playing. - Will Storr

Humans crave meaning and status provides purpose and identity. However, over-identifying with a single status game can lead to a fragile sense of self, as losing status in that game may feel like losing one’s identity.

Five ways I think about and play status games are:

1. Become self-aware Recognise the status games we are playing. Assess whether they align with our core values and long-term goals. This helps us avoid unnecessary competition and focus on what truly matters. Twenty years ago, I realised I did not enjoy directly managing people. Since then, my focus has been on being an effective Individual Contributor.
2. Diversify sources of fulfilment Avoid over-reliance on a single status game, e.g. career success or social media validation. I engage in various activities, e.g. corporate career, family, blogging, reading and app development, which makes me resilient to setbacks in any one area.
3. Practice empathy Recognise that everyone is engaged in their own status games. Acknowledging struggles and motivations of others fosters compassion and improved relationships. I try to put myself in other people’s shoes so I can better understand their actions.
4. Seek intrinsic value Intrinsic motivations provide a steadier sense of fulfilment than external rewards. I get enormous satisfaction from learning, developing my skills and supporting my family.
5. Question cultural norms Reflect on the dominant status games promoted by our culture and community. Consider how we can redefine success and status on our terms. A definition of wealth I increasingly embrace is, Love what you have.

Other resources

How to Play the Status Game interview with Will Storr

Life Games to Play, Win and Exit post by Phil Martin

Are Society’s Default Rules Right for Us? post by Phil Martin

Ben Gunn eventually built a life for himself outside prison as a consultant, writer and campaigner on issues relating to prison life and justice.

Have fun playing your status games.

Phil…