Five Ways to Make a Difference on Memorial Day 2018

One of my earliest memories of time spent with our father was at McDivitt Grove Cemetery in Urbandale, Iowa. Joseph H. Brown was a proud veteran of World War II. Though he seldom talked about his time in the service, every year he would take our family to the cemetery the week before Memorial Day and place flags at the tombstones of those who had served our country in the military. With a map provided by the local American Legion Post #663 where he was an active member until the day he died, we would work together as a family to locate graves and leave flags, often taking a moment to read the inscriptions on markers and reflect on persons we never knew but sought to honor by this small gesture.

Today my father and mother are buried in that same cemetery and I now live four hours away. However every time I return on Memorial Day weekend to plant flowers, a flag is there waiting for me at my father's grave placed by volunteers who picked up where he left off after he enjoyed a long life on this earth. There are few words to adequately convey what this act of volunteerism means to our family and to me personally. Suffice it to say, this kindness of strangers does not go unnoticed and remains in my heart long after Memorial Day has passed.

This spring I unexpectedly stood at the grave of another family member who had served in the military. My cousin's son, Ben, was just twenty years old when he died instantly in an accident on the military base where he served in Japan. It was shocking. He was so young. The end of his life was too soon. We were not ready to lose our beloved Ben from this earth.

Through anguished tears, we watched as those who served with him in the Air Force came around Ben to honor his life in every way possible. One young airman and friend even accompanied Ben's body every moment from the time he left the base until he was buried in a countryside cemetery near New Glarus, Wisconsin. As the American flag that graced his coffin was meticulously folded and presented to his mother by those who served with him, I was keenly reminded of my father's early instruction about the importance of honoring those who have served in the military, even to the point of sacrificing their own life for us and our freedoms.

Memorial Day was a response to the unprecedented loss of life during the Civil War in which 620,000 soldiers on both sides died. What began as small groups of women placing flowers on the graves of those who had perished became an official day of remembrance when the commander of the Grand Army of the Republic, General Logan, in 1868 set aside May 30 "for the purpose of strewing with flowers, or otherwise decorating the graves of comrades who died in defense of their country during the late rebellion."? Over the years, a number of customs have been added to Memorial Day observances to honor those who died in active military service as well as all who served on behalf of our country.

How will we honor Memorial Day 2018? Here are a few possibilities:

1) Place flags at the cemetery. Like my hometown cemetery, many others across the country still place flags or flowers at the graves of those who have served. There is still time to contact your local cemetery to learn if volunteers are needed to help with whatever Memorial Day activities they are planning. If you are unable to participate, sponsor a bouquet to be placed at the war memorial of your choice here: https://www.memorialdayfoundation.org/donate/sponsor-flowers.html.

2) Reach out to someone you know who has lost a loved one in military service. It doesn't matter how many years have gone by. The loss of a spouse, child, close family member or friend in the military can be especially poignant on Memorial Day weekend. Take time to listen and reflect upon the life of someone held dear. By keeping the military history of your family and friends alive, you'll honor their legacy and pass it on to the next generation in the most honorable way possible.

3) Make a financial gift to support families of the fallen. The USO and the Tragedy Assistance Program for Survivors (TAPS) provide financial and emotional support to bereaved spouses and children of troops who have died serving their country. You'll learn more here: https://www.uso.org/programs/support-for-families-of-the-fallen. There also are a number of local military organizations that help connect neighbors with families who need help. Search Google for the name of your town/city and local military organizations to find a list in your community.

4) Send a care package to a soldier currently serving in the armed forces. Some soldiers today enter the military without the same level of support my father's generation received from their local communities. Make a difference by remembering those who are currently serving. Contact your local military organization to find out who you might help or check out: www.operationgratitude.com.

5) Teach your children and grandchildren what Memorial Day is not. Memorial Day isn't simply the unofficial beginning of summer. It is not just a three day weekend. It was not intended to be a marketing opportunity for special Memorial Day sales. While I have no doubt our lost loves one would never want us to stop having fun or enjoying life, Memorial Day is set aside for a reason. With few words but the same profound actions year after year, my father taught me what this day means and why it is important never to forget.

For those of you who find Memorial Day especially painful due to the loss of someone you have loved, please know you are not alone. If you feel no one cares or remembers, try to muster up the courage to reach out and ask for help. If there are no family members or friends to ask, contact your local place of worship or military office to find resources just for you. This day is especially for you, and we are so grateful for your loved one's service. Thank you from the bottom of our hearts.