Five Ways to Bring Ease and Flow to Your Thanksgiving

1. Every day is a new day.

Imagine if you walked into this day, this room, this moment as if you had never been here before, you had never experienced Thanksgiving. The truth is you haven’t experienced this exact day before but so often we create expectations from past experiences and then feel disappointment, fear, anxiety, or shame if it doesn’t go our way. What if you could wake up with a sense of wonder and excitement for what the day holds? How could you show yourself some gratitude? So you didn’t get your favorite side dish...

Well, this is a new day and a new experience. It is not like Thanksgiving from other years. With all of the newness and curiosity of a child – with an open heart full of excitement and wonder – allow yourself to be present and enjoy every moment. What is something new you get to appreciate about today? Congratulate yourself on the experience you get to create.

2. We all have our own rule book.

We all have our own rules that we live by and most people don’t know what they are but we get offended when others break our rules.

I wrote my graduate thesis on cross cultural conflict in the workplace in 2002. This concept has been used in conflict and negotiation for decades. It is relevant in all parts of life – at work and at home, with colleagues and with family.

It is hard to work effectively together when you don’t know that the rules have changed. In social settings, one tends to adjust to certain rules around communication, social ethics, etc., but when one doesn’t know the rules it can be hard to thrive at work or in social structures and can lead to conflict.

Sometimes it is as simple as asking for clarity. “What did you mean by that?” or “Tell me more.” Other times we feel hurt and want an apology but the other person has their own judgment of the situation and we ignore each other.

This concept of being guided by a rule book that many of us have developed over time starting at a young age and influenced by a range of sources comes to us in wisdom from ancient cultures and still holds true today. My yoga teacher Mynx Inatsugu shared this concept during a yoga philosophy class last January.

I was listening to Chris Voss’ masterclass on The Art of Negotiation recently and in the first chapter on influence he talks about how important it is to understand the set of rules others live by, not so you can agree with all of them, but so that you can understand them.

If someone offends you, remember – you don’t have the same rule book. Then see if you can get curious about what’s happening. Instead of meeting them with judgment, can you meet them with discernment? How would empathy serve you in this situation?

3. You are not your body.

I actually have known people who don’t want to take deep breaths because it will make them look fat. You may laugh but then think about the ways that you judge your own body. And now look in the mirror and say to yourself, “I am not my body.”

In yoga philosophy there is an idea of prakriti vs. parusa. (I will discuss this concept more on my new podcast coming in 2021, "Yoga Philosophy for Everyday Living - so excited!) You are not your body. You are not the things you possess. You are not your ideas. You are your true self and when you get in touch with your true self, everything becomes easier. One way to do that is through empathy and that starts with empathy for yourself. Look in the mirror and notice something about your body that you appreciate. Is it your eyes that help you see? Is it your hands that help you hold things? Appreciate yourself and it will make life so much better.

4. Be intentional.

As a pioneer coach for the positive intelligence platform I have seen incredible results watching clients gain self-awareness, slow down and be more intentional about the choices they make.

If you don’t want to gain five pounds on Thanksgiving, slow down. Be more intentional. Eat one bite and then take a breath and notice the flavors, textures and smells of the food. If you want to eat all of the food and go back for seconds, do it – with mindfulness and intention.

Make this moment count and know what you want to gain from it.

5. Forgive yourself.

We are all incredible human beings, equal parts awesome and crappy. We all make mistakes. If we make a mistake and then beat ourselves up over it, it amplifies the mistake and could make everything worse. We would gain so much more by forgiving ourselves. Acknowledge the mistake and then decide what you want from here. Would you gain more from self-love? What about curiosity and self-reflection? How could you do it next time? What are you learning from your mistakes? If you burn the turkey, what’s another option?

If you eat too much, fine. We do that sometimes. Don’t be angry about it. That will just make it harder to lose the extra calories. Laugh about it, then join me for a yoga class.

Embrace being imperfect and love yourself for being just the way you are. When you can do this it will make you more resilient and more likely to feel excited for what you do have.

Values. Innovation. Commitment. Accountability. Success.

Monica Phillips is the president and founder of Spark Plug Labs. She is a keynote speaker, executive leadership coach, and strategic consultant. She is a Certified Professional Co-Active Coach and a Professional Certified Coach with the International Coach Federation. She coaches leaders and teams on leadership, wellness, team culture, positive intelligence, business development, innovation, and heart-based leadership. She is a founding coach of The Coaching Fellowship and a mentor and advisor to startups through Founder Institute and Cal Poly’s Center on Innovation and Entrepreneurship. She has led innovation and change across the legal industry for 22 years and in 2019 she was named a Silicon Valley Business Journal Woman of Influence.

Her diverse background includes working as a Rule 114 certified mediator, a cross-cultural consultant, a journalist, a sales leader, and a marketing director. She is a runner, RYT certified yoga teacher, mom, explorer, and loves to find beauty and joy in daily life. Learn more at https://www.sparkpluglabs.co/.