Five Things You can do When Someone You Love Loses Their Job

It’s not like we didn’t see it coming. My wife had joined her company in June 2022.

By then, they had already suffered multiple rounds of layoffs and were trying to figure out a path forward in a rapidly changing market.

Still, you tell yourself that things will be okay.

They’ll figure it out.

There is no need to worry about problems you can’t impact – especially when giving too much of your unvarnished (and uninformed) opinion about the state of the beauty and makeup industries is only likely to make your relationship more tense.

So you watch, and you wait, and then one morning your spouse wakes up to a meeting request from their boss and HR titled, “Discuss organizational changes.”

“It’s happening. Today’s the day,” they say, the light from the phone screen illuminating a face that’s trying to portray strength in the darkness.

And with that, your morning is screwed.

It’s not just the morning, though.

Your next several months are screwed as well.

Depending on the long-term financial impact of the job loss, your next several years might not be that great, either.

Losing a job affects an entire household.

How you – the person who’s still employed – handles that loss will help determine how severe the impact is.

Here are a few things I’ve learned since my wife, Megan McKissen, was laid off this past December.

Tip #1: Channel your inner Gene Kranz.

If you are older than 35, you probably know exactly who Gene Kranz is. You just don’t know his name.

Played by Ed Harris in Apollo 13, Kranz was the legendary NASA Flight Director known for a remarkable ability to maintain his composure in the face of disaster. Kranz’s ability to remain calm as everything unravels around makes him the hero of that story.

That doesn’t mean keeping his cool was easy.

If you are feeling overwhelmed, watch the launch scene from that movie. There is a moment, right before the actual launch, where Harris portrays Kranz’s nervousness by furiously clicking his pen.

Other than that, he is cool and collected.

Seriously, watch that scene and channel your inner Kranz.

And if, like Gene, you need a sweet flattop haircut and 7 packs of cigarettes a day to get through your own emergency, then cut yourself some slack. Kranz is 90 years old, and still around.?

He survived the disaster and the 7 packs of smokes a day.

So will you.

Tip #2: Keep bearing down.

Gene kept his cool during the launch.

He also kept his cool during the subsequent emergency that almost killed three of his astronauts, which – like all emergencies – lasted a lot longer than he had hoped.

It can take weeks, months, or even years to fully recover from a layoff.

You’ve probably heard that before. What you haven’t heard – and what is woefully under-talked about – is that those weeks, months, and years will have an emotional and financial impact on you, too.

So, keep channeling Gene.

That doesn’t mean you won’t occasionally have your own breakdown, your own moments of fear, your own moments of anger.

When they come, make sure you acknowledge them. Make sure you talk about them.

And make sure you have an outlet that isn’t the partner who lost their job.

(For me, writing about my experience is my outlet.)

Be supportive without taking on the emotional responsibility of making sure everyone is okay – even if reality dictates that you must take on additional financial responsibility to make sure everyone is practically okay.

And find some inspiration.

I found mine in Gene Kranz’s flattop.

Tip #3: Ride the epiphany. ?

Even if you haven’t lost your job, we’ve all had one.

It’s the “epiphany.”

It’s the moment where disaster helps you realize what you were really put on earth to do – and now, thankfully, you have more time to do it.

Two days after she lost her job, my five-foot tall, 40ish wife decided she was going to be an EMT. I don’t want to offend anyone: there are probably multiple examples of people ditching it all and becoming an EMT in their forties.

My wife just will not be one of those people.

And, sadly, a career as an EMT would mean at least one of our cars would get repossessed.

I am not making fun of her. I can’t tell you how many times she has woken up to me saying, “Babe, I have an idea” – only to have me (usually) come to my senses and realize that the Air Force has little use for a man in his forties with three kids and two neck tattoos.

In our marriage, my wife set the example. She only steps in when my common sense cannot do the job for me.

She realizes she doesn’t need to tell me I can’t be a fighter pilot.

The kids will do that for her, without even being asked.

And if their teasing doesn’t do the trick, the Air Force recruiter’s stifled laughter will really drive the point home.

Point being, when your partner loses their job, you will experience being on the other end of the epiphany.

When that happens, what do you do?

Channel your Kranz.

Stay quiet, keep clicking your pen, and remain focused on the mission.

Tip #4: Don’t apply pressure. Instead, try to add value to their search.

There are few things more demoralizing and frustrating than looking for a job.

When your spouse or partner loses their job, try to apply immediate empathy by recalling your own job search – and how little control you had over the process.

Remember all the times you thought you were a perfect fit, only to receive the inevitable form email telling you how impressive your qualifications are while thanking you for taking the time to apply.

Remember all the mornings you woke up scanning job boards only to find nothing at all.

Remember all the times you came home from an interview believing you had nailed it, only to rationalize why you haven’t heard back a week later.

How much would pressure from someone else have helped?

You couldn’t bend the job market to your will.

Neither can your partner.

Instead of applying pressure, add value. In our marriage, that took the form of me encouraging my wife to document her unemployment journey here on LinkedIn.

Every serious job discussion she has had resulted from the amazing content she posts on this platform.

When/if this happens to your partner, resist the temptation to add pressure.?

Focus on value instead.

Tip #5: Take care of yourself, too.

I mentioned this earlier, but it really can’t be said enough.

In a household, a layoff or job loss is a group experience that is primarily viewed as an individual trauma. When your partner tells people they were laid off, no one turns to you and asks you how you’re coping with it all.

In reality, you are just as scared.

In reality, you may need to look at how you can earn additional income through a second job or a side hustle.

In reality, the longer this goes on, the more your own plans and aspirations may have to change.

But just because no one asks you about it doesn’t mean you should suffer in silence.

Talk to someone about how it’s affecting you – but know that your partner isn’t the best person to talk to. Instead, rely on your own network.

Find someone(s) to lean on.

And keep channeling your inner Kranz.

He brought Apollo 13 home safely using a bunch of cast-off vacuum parts and a spine made of solid steel.

So can you.

Jack McKissen is a writer, executive, and three-time LinkedIn Top Voice.