Five Reflections from the Mad River

“Always Add Value”.

I’m fortunate to spend much of the year at our home along the Mad River in Vermont.?

The river is happy most of the time, and so am I, especially when I sit waist-deep on my folding chair, water gently streaming by, and reflect?on what I treasure – family, clients, colleagues, friends, and the organizations where I volunteer.?

Since COVID, I have spent much of the year in Vermont where I wrote a book called?Authentic and Ethical Persuasion. As a guest lecturer at Babson College for the past nine years, I teach undergrad and MBA students the art of listening and persuasion. It’s an unpaid position in keeping with my commitment to pay it forward.?

In the book and across my life, I seek ways to add value to whomever and whatever matters to the people and causes most important to them and me. I’ve found the more I give, the more we both benefit. That’s a fact.?

The following are reflections from the book about the importance of listening and contributing insights, experience and expertise to others. When I do these, I find I am rewarded beyond measure.

1.????People are always already committed. The question I ask as I listen is, to what? In the book, I examine deep listening, the value of understanding what another person is committed to, and discerning what they are trying to achieve and how I might help.?

Most people don’t wear what they care about on their sleeves. You learn so much by frankly, keeping quiet, and asking questions, expressing genuine interest in what they say about their cares and concerns, and reflecting on whether, or in what way, you can help.

2.????Be more interested than interesting. Honed over four decades, listening well is my secret weapon and competitive advantage. I know more because I strive to listen intently in each conversation. The majority of students say “being more interested than interesting” is the big takeaway of the book and class discussions. As I tell them: most people don’t listen. Instead, they formulate their next brilliant thought while impatiently waiting to talk…or more often, interrupt.

I work at the practice of combining all that I glean and connect it to other conversations. This enables me to generate insights, alternative or aligned paths, innovative approaches, and compelling solutions.?

3.????Acknowledgment is the most potent force in the universe. The depth of listening I strive for is a form of personal acknowledgment. This is far more than a feel-good Facebook or LinkedIn “like.”

Acknowledging another for their cares, concerns, ideas and what they seek to accomplish indicates I care about who they are, what’s important to them and what they say matters. Martin Heidegger, the 20th-century philosopher said, “We humans come into existence when we are heard.”

My objective is the person I’m speaking with experiences being “heard.” Listening well engenders advantages for both speaker and listener. It is how people spark partnerships, align to a cause or to achieve a goal, and together notch a win-win. ?

4.????The greatest gift you can give another is to allow them to contribute to you. People want to make a difference. Allowing others to contribute to you and your cause advances and deepens dialogue, generates trust and mutually empowers both of you.?You can only contribute – and be contributed to – if you and your partner listen.

5.????Practice what you preach. The most significant benefit of writing my book was testing and practicing these ideas in each conversation. This is where I learned the utter power of always adding value – asking questions, being more interested than interesting, refining my understanding (and theirs), validating my observations, and identifying ways to advance.?

I write this on a lazy, hot Saturday afternoon sitting in the Mad River as the sun sets over the Green Mountains.?The river is a tributary to the Winooski and White rivers, which flow into the Connecticut River.

The river reminds me we are all part of something larger than ourselves. Listening leads to learning how and where we can make a difference. I’m grateful to be able to share this perspective, hoping it will give you something to ponder and for you to listen and add value in your own way.??

Jack Sharry is co-chair of the Money Management Institute Digital Advice Community, a member of the Next Chapter Executive Leadership Advisory Board and co-chair of Next Chapter Leadership in Action. He hosts the?WealthTech?on Deck podcast,?is the author of the book Authentic and Ethical Persuasion, and is executive vice president of LifeYield.