Five Pieces of Advice that Changed my Life

I am one lucky person. Five times in my life, at critical junctures, I had five wise individuals give me incredible advice. And I was at least smart enough to listen! I took their advice, which changed, for the better, the course of my life. I shall always be grateful. And in the spirit of, “Pay it forward” I wanted to share this timeless advice with others. So, here goes!

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WHO: Tom Handley, my first boss in P&G Marketing, 1986

ADVICE: “Save half of every raise”

CONTEXT: I was a new hire in P&G Brand Management, with a wife and baby and making $24,000 a year. I was doing well, and 6 months in, Tom came to me to give me a raise to $28,000. I will never forget what he said: “Junior (my nickname), I will only say this once. It is your life and your money. But don’t be stupid and spend every raise you get. You will get many raises in the future so be smart. You have been living on 24K per year. So, now you get an extra 4K. My advice is to save half of every raise going forward. Don’t use all your money to upgrade lifestyle. Put half away, invest it. Use the other half to enjoy. If you run the numbers, do the math and do this consistently over the next 20-30 years; letting the power of compounding interest work for you; ?you will have all the money you need. Don’t do this and you will find yourself at 50 having spent money, not knowing where it went, and having nothing for retirement.”

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Tom was dead right. I was able to pay for all my kids to get great educations and save for retirement. It’s a simple formula. Save half of every raise. I was disciplined and dedicated and always called my financial advisor every time I got a raise and put 50% into investments. And I let compounding interest do the rest!

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WHO: Andy Smith, Sales Manager at P&G and a Mentor

ADVICE: “Don’t be foolish. Take the job in Africa. Look at me. I am 65 years old. And my only regrets in life are the risks I DIDN’T take!”

CONTEXT: In 1990, to learn and grow I asked P&G for an international assignment. They proposed me Morocco. I did a look/see visit, and the culture shock, honestly, scared the shit out of me. So, out of fear, I was planning to turn down the assignment under the guise of “Family issues moving that far away”. Andy dropped by my office by chance and knew the story of the possible move. When he saw me hesitating, he let me have it! He bluntly told me I would regret it the rest of my life, staying in my comfort zone. He swung my decision to accepting. This was 32 years ago; and I have never returned to the US. I shudder to think of the lesser person I would be having never lived in Morocco and meeting all the amazing people in every subsequent place I lived, who made me a better person. Andy was the key to swing me to taking one of the largest, and best, decisions of my life. To leave home and my comfort zone and take risks and learn. I can never repay him for what he did for me that fateful day.

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WHO: My father, Stan Lafferty

ADVICE: “Don’t be like me. Take care of your body Jim; it’s the only place you will ever live.”

CONTEXT: My father was near-50 when I was born. By this time his health was already downhill due to years of smoking, poor diet, and no exercise. He also, being a commission-only sales rep, had a life of constant stress in earning enough to pay for 7 children. He was bullheaded and so was I. We didn’t have a good relationship. We fought constantly and even physically when I was in my teens. My most poignant childhood memories are of hospital visits to see my dad after a heart attack.

By the time I was 20, his health was poor and his life was filled with constant cardiac scares; and mountains of pills he took each day for all his ailments. By the time I was 22 he was in congestive heart failure and he summoned his last remaining energy, and flew to Florida to “die” with my oldest sister. Two weeks later, my sister called me and told me to, “Talk to Dad, he is slipping into a coma and this is the end”. My father’s last words to me, was first he said he loved me. That was the only time I ever heard that from him. And secondly, he told me to take care of my body, don’t be like him. He died a few hours later.

I took that advice seriously. I decided I wouldn’t leave my kids early like he left me, and I would not abuse my body. I decided to eat right. To exercise daily. To take smart supplements, avoid smoking and drinking, and treat my body as a temple. Today I am approaching 60, an age when my father was already a sickly old man. I am healthy and vibrant and completely the opposite. I thank my father for pushing me to learn from his mistakes.

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WHO: Fuad Kuraytim, P&G President and “Father” of P&G’s Middle East Business

ADVICE: “Let’s keep this simple for the consumer. If your aunt coming from the village were in this room, what would she say to this proposal?”

CONTEXT: When I think of wise leaders, Fuad always is first to come to mind. He could make the complex, simple, which is always a sign of true intellect; and he was so wise on his principles and approach.

He inherently knew that P&G was full of smart people, and often smart people can design things that are horribly complex. And too complex for any consumer to invest time and effort in. So, he would always ask this question when he felt things were getting out of hand and too complicated, and it really had a way of grounding the discussion. I took this with me the rest of my career, and it served me so well. I killed lots of overly-complicated ideas doomed to failure; and it helped me add value and refine ideas that had merit. I owe many of my successful initiatives to the wonderful wisdom of Fuad Kuraytim.

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WHO: Debra Williams, Former Head of YMCA of Cincinnati Outreach programs, 1984/5.

ADVICE: “Jim, I can’t tell you how it will work out. It just does. For good people like you, things work out. Every day you will find a solution and it will work out. Trust me.”

CONTEXT: I was 21 years old, in college and my girlfriend (later my wife) was 19 and pregnant. As we both had lots of school to finish up, and our parents were in no position to help us, we took the big step to try and be responsible; and put the baby up for adoption. We selected an adoptive family from a list of possible candidates, and agreed to allow this young professional couple to adopt the baby. To give the baby a chance with a stable family who had financial resources.

When delivery day came, I delivered the baby and I cut his cord; and I sat and held him and I cried my eyes out and told him to, “come find me” one day. I apologized over and over. I then had to leave the hospital and go to one of my multiple jobs as a fitness trainer at the YMCA.

Debra Williams and I knew each other, but I can’t say we were good friends. I knew her as this consummate professional, a single-mom African-American woman who carried herself proud and impressively. But we had never had more than passing conversations.

I am in my office, and someone knocks. And it is Debra. She comes in and asks me, “Jim, I know you just had a baby. Is it true you are putting the baby up for adoption?” I told her yes, I explained why, I cried a bit, and I said I felt I was being responsible. Doing the right thing. She begged me to reconsider. I told her I had no help, my parents were aging and ill, and similar issues on my girlfriend’s side. How could I finish school and she finish school and how could we pay the bills? It seemed impossible.

She said to me, “Jim I was 17 years old when I had my son. I had no help. I figured it out and I graduated from college. It will just work itself out. For good people, it works out. Every day will work out.”

Many people tried to talk me out of it, but for some reason Debra was the one who got through to me. It made sense. I drove to the hospital, talked to my girlfriend, and a mere 24 hours before signing the adoption papers, we decided to keep the baby! Easily the best decision of my life. I am so proud of my son, who is 37 now and a great husband and father himself. How lacking my life would be without my son. He was one of the best things to happen to me, he helped me mature-up and toughen-up. And Debra Williams is the one who gave me this simple yet great advice. She was spot-on. It did work out. I graduated from college as a dad. My wife also graduated and even went on to graduate school. We saw the world and built a wonderful family. It did, indeed, all work out.

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I am blessed to have Tom, Debra, Fuad, Andy and my dad all offer me unsolicited advice. And I am happy I was smart enough to listen and not blow them off.

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If you see a young person who could use some direction, take the time to offer them free advice. Don’t wait for them to ask for it. Offer it up anyways. It’s free. And you never know when you may change someone’s life. Like these five people changed my life.

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And if you are on the receiving end of this advice, please don’t be a “Know it all” and blow people off. ?Or write them off as being “too old”. Listen. Reflect. Consider. Be open to learning from the wisdom of people who have been through it all. History does repeat itself. They know what they are talking about!

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Good luck and enjoy life. It is fabulous, and one big adventure. So enjoy the ride!