The five most common struggles introverts share - and what to do about them

Since launching my business, I've made a discovery ??

One that surprised me.

ALL my coaching clients, as well as the introverts I have spoken to more generally over the past year, share the same core struggles.

Even those who initially want to talk to me about something else ultimately have these struggles at the core of what's holding them back when we dig a little deeper.

And, spoiler alert, it's not networking or public speaking skills ??

Ultimately, being able to communicate effectively with others is more about mindset than skillset: if you can change what's really at the root of holding you back then making changes in other areas becomes easy.

So here are the top five - read to the end to discover the most common of all!

5. Self Care and Compassion

I've yet to meet an introvert (and I include myself in this) who isn't incredibly hard on themselves: self compassion isn't easy for us.

We hold ourselves to standards that we would never set for others.

And berate ourselves when we get things wrong - often replaying conversations years later (usually at 3am) if we feel that we handled them badly.

Self compassion is arguably a form of self care, which is why I have grouped these together.

I'm also noticing that introverts tend to over-commit themselves to work and social events, and don't take the alone time they need, leaving their social batteries on energy.

We're all tired.

What to do about it:

Commit to treating yourself as you would a friend: if you catch yourself thinking of yourself badly, reframe the thought.

Do the things that will improve your physical wellbeing and enable you to show up as your best self: take time to recharge, get into nature and do what replenishes you; eat well and get exercise; establish a sleep routine.

4. Negative Self Talk

Do you tend to think others are thinking badly of you?

Dismiss compliments?

Or tell yourself you're lacking in some way?

Introverts often make jokes, or comments, that downplay our abilities, strengths, or accomplishments as well as feeding ourselves a narrative that exaggerates negative traits and failures.

Self‐deprecation - where you voice these thoughts to others - can be damaging (I actually wrote a newsletter on it a few weeks ago) but it's also damaging to constantly think badly of yourself.

There was a point in my life where I did this constantly: I'd even look in a mirror and feel shame about how 'repulsive' my physical appearance was.

At the time, I had no confidence or self-worth but doing this further chipped away at my self-esteem and kept me stuck in inaction: I had to break free, because I was miserable.

What to do about it:

Build the habit of developing awareness of when you're engaging in negative self talk or self‐deprecating: to do this you can journal, ask someone you trust to point out to you when you're doing it or simply reflect on the thoughts you're having.

Once you have awareness, work on reframing/ challenging these thoughts, as well as your core beliefs.

Saying daily affirmations can help re-programme your brain: get my 30 affirmations for introverts resource here .

3. Limiting Beliefs/ Imposter Syndrome

Our beliefs are at the heart of all that we do, and shape the trajectory of our lives.

Usually formed in childhood, they feed our thoughts, which in turn shape our actions.

So, if we hold limiting beliefs, we get stuck in a cycle where the actions we take confirm our beliefs, because these actions will generate a result.

For example: you have a core belief that you're not enough.

This could lead to thoughts like no one could love you for who you are, so if someone shows any interest in them the actions you take are to accept whatever they offer you, go to extreme lengths to prove your value and get anxiously attached - maybe even blowing up their phone if they haven't replied.

The result of this is likely that the person will pull away, which ultimately will confirm your core belief of not being enough.

Conversely, when you believe in yourself, anything is possible.

That's how the first people do anything did it: they believed in themselves.

Imposter Syndrome, when you feel like a fraud or that you didn't truly deserve what you accomplished, is a form of limiting belief - one that's experienced by over 70% of the population.

And, whilst there can be systemic factors at play, if you can identify, and reframe the core beliefs that are feeding it, the results can be transformational.

Change your beliefs; change your life.

What to do about it:

Keeping a list of your accomplishments and positive feedback can be one simple way to begin the work on changing your beliefs. Working with a good coach is also one of the best ways to address this.

You can also get my belief-flipping toolkit and progress journal here .

2. Overthinking

Many of my clients can't sleep because their brains simply will not switch off.

They're ruminating on conversations they've had, imagining the negative judgement of others and inventing worst-case scenarios and outcomes (aka catastrophising).

Many, like myself, have a full-blown anxiety disorder.

Constantly overthinking daily events and encounters is exhausting, can hinder progress and hold us stuck in inaction.

What to do about it:

Cognitive Behavioural Therapy (CBT) techniques can be helpful for dealing with overthinking. Get familiar with CBT's Unhelpful Thinking Styles so that you can identify, and label, the types of thoughts you are having most often and deal with them accordingly.

For example, I tend to catastrophise and have found writing down evidence for/ against each thought to be helpful (I also use Tim Ferriss' Fear Analysis tool).

Some of my clients have found it helpful to schedule time to overthink (they're only allowed to do so in the self-allotted time slot).

A qualified CBT therapist would be able to do some deep work in this area.

1. Boundary Setting

Introverts typically seem to be people-pleasers - perhaps because from a young age society has made us feel who we are isn't enough and so we default to constantly trying to prove our value to others.

Most of my clients are also highly empathetic, and/ or highly sensitive (HSPs) and so a core driver for them is the desire to help others...but when you struggle to set boundaries you end up constantly prioritising the needs of others before your own.

The two biggest consequences of this are:

1. Burnout - constantly feeling exhausted, or frequently becoming unwell.
2. Confidence issues - when you don't choose yourself, you're subconsciously telling yourself that you're not worth as much as others and this chips away at your confidence and self-esteem. You may even feel a self of shame about yourself.

Saying no, especially without justifying it, feels like an impossible task.

What to do about it:

Practice saying no and setting boundaries. This is a process that will take time and won't be easy, but it'll be worth it.

Get my boundary-setting playbook, to guide you through this process and make what to say when setting a boundary simple, here .

Do you share any of these struggles? Or are there others that impact you more? Let me know in the comments.

Important Update!

I've finally launched some digital products, designed to help introverts overcome their most common struggles (and I have an eBook in the making, so watch this space! ??).

As linked above, I've started with the solutions to some of the most common struggles my introverted clients face.

In addition to the links above, I've also added a time and energy tracker.

Go check it out ??

I'd really love it if you could go and check out my store and then DM me with what you think - or anything you'd like me to add.

You can find it here .

And please feel free to share it with anyone it may help ??

Thank you!

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About Me

I help introverts develop authentic confidence, through coaching, training and digital products,?so that they can thrive without having to change who they are,?and companies?through training, coaching and consultancy,?to address the workplace bias towards extroversion.

Through developing my own authentic confidence I have been able to build a life on my terms, working part-time for full-time income, travel solo around the world, work with companies like Google and speak, with confidence, to entire auditoriums. I've already helped thousands of individuals, across 169 countries globally, to develop confidence and communication skills, as well as manage Imposter Syndrome and limiting beliefs. Helping others feel enough is my passion.

If you are an?introvert looking to feel more confident, set boundaries to help you balance your time and be able to understand, and communicate, your value to others; a leader looking to better support your introverted talent;?or?a company committed to achieving intersectional equity and inclusion,?DM me?or?visit my website , to find out more about how I can help you.

Alternatively, you can?subscribe to my email list?for additional updates and inspiration; I periodically send out free tools and resources to my email subscribers to help with their transformation. Sign up?here .