Five Life Lessons from My Cancer Journey

Two days ago, I celebrated my one-year anniversary of ringing the bell - yes, that bell that marks the end of a cancer treatment journey. I've spent the past week or so reflecting on this past year that included my cancer treatment, and I'd like to share my five biggest lessons. These insights have profoundly changed how I view life and approach each day.

You can't control everything - especially outcomes.

I used to think that I could control it all - that I could think, plan, and work hard enough to make anything work like I wanted. Yeah, I know... I was living in a dream world. But I did think like that. And when things didn't go my way, I often worked harder.

With cancer, I didn't know how it was going to turn out. I did my best to do what I could, but ultimately, the outcome was (and still is) unknown. Yes, I have been successfully treated and I'm cancer-free. And yet, I don't know if it will come back. I'm doing my best to live a healthy life so that it doesn't, but you never know. Plus, there are other ways that I could die tomorrow, so... yeah, you can't control everything. Do what you can, but don't try to do it all or control it all. You'll just drive yourself to frustration.

Do the thing. We don't know how much time we have on this spinning earth.

For years, I've wanted to dye my hair purple, but I had all the excuses - too much money, it's not professional, is it?, too much time. I realized that life is too short to not do the things that bring you joy - so I bought some hair dye and now, I rock purple hair.

And today? I'm getting my very first tattoo. That's right. My first tattoo! I've always wanted one but, like the hair, I had all the excuses. But, I finally realized that getting the tattoo I've chosen (you'll have to wait to see what it is!) will bring me joy. And that's all that matters. These small acts of self-expression have reminded me to embrace joy and live authentically, without waiting for the 'perfect' moment.

Nature is healing.

While I use nature connection in my work and I've felt its benefits while going through burnout, my time in nature this past year was different. I now know deeply just how healing it can be. No matter how I felt walking onto the trail, I always left feeling better. Even if it was just a little bit.

I could walk on the trail and just be. I didn't have to talk about or explain what I was going through - nature was just there for me... so I could just be. I'd sit on rocks and cry or sometimes journal. I'd walk and marvel at the beauty of nature and how grateful I was in being able to experience it. It made me feel comforted and not alone... even though I was by myself in the forest.

Let others love and care for you.

While I care for others and show my love for them, I've always struggled with receiving love and letting others do things for me. I was always the strong one, the one to organize things, the one to get things done. Who was I if I wasn't that person? Who was I if I accepted help?

I didn't really have a choice in this lesson. Once I got my diagnosis, my husband stepped in as the strong one. He planned and drove me to my appointments. Yes, I was the person who was going to drive herself to the surgeon to get her treatment plan the day after her diagnosis. Umm... not a great idea, especially when I had a husband who was there for me. He had to take my keys from me and tell me to get in the passenger seat.

From that day forward, as I told family and a few friends, I felt their love and support and allowed myself to feel it. I allowed myself to be the person on the receiving end, knowing that allowing myself to be loved and receiving care when I needed it was a strength. This openness to receiving support has deepened my connections and allowed for more genuine, vulnerable relationships.

It's okay to not be okay... and show it.

This was the hardest lesson for me to learn. Like I mentioned above, I've always been known as the strong one. The one to push through no matter what. It's what I was taught as a kid and what I got rewarded for as an adult. But cancer? Yeah, it taught me that I can't always be the strong one.

When I first shared my diagnosis with a friend, I downplayed it. I didn't want them to see how scared I was... and then, as they expressed their concern, love, and support, I cried. Right there in a bar. Tears. Yeah, that wasn't like me. But it was in that moment that I felt relief. They didn't expect me to be the strong one. It was okay to show that I was scared. Huh... that was new to me.

I had seen others do it and always saw it as a strength of theirs. I had been jealous of their ability to just be who they were and share what was really going on. But now that I was starting to show that I don't always have it all together, I felt like I could be me more. The real me. The disco-loving fairy that often is figuring things out on the fly. Who tries things that don't always work. That feels so much lighter.

Final thoughts

None of these lessons was easy. And none of them just showed up and said "hey, I'm here to teach you a lesson!". Each lesson was learned because I got curious about what was happening. I incorporated what was happening to me in my cancer journey with other lessons and reflections from some deeper work I was doing on myself. And all of it came about because I allowed myself to sit still, to lean in with curiosity and to deepen my connection with myself.

It's not easy. It's not neat. But it's so worth it. And I know that as I continue on this journey, there will be more lessons to learn and more growth to embrace. Because, there is always another level to life.