Five lessons I learned from my dying uncle…

1.     Will-power is a pretty amazing thing. I remember getting the call over 4 years ago, like it was yesterday – “Your Uncle Danny has Esophageal Cancer and it is stage 4”. (For those who do not know, there are only 4 stages of cancer and it is the worst). How is it possible that my untouchable uncle is now a cancer patient? Selfishly my first thoughts went to, “how much longer do we have with him”. I put him out of the race before the race had even begun – and this is where lesson one kicked in.

You see my uncle not for one second doubted that he wasn’t going to beat this. When doctors thought he had months to live, he kept on trucking and moved on to the next opinion. His internal will-power that he was going to get through this propelled him past what science said and brought him many victories along the way that others doubted. His journey was never going to be easy and there were many days that anyone wouldn’t blame him if he gave up. However, when your will-power and belief in something is so strong, there is no going back or backing down. We all have good days and really, really bad days. It is on those bad days when those with an internal will-power and strong conviction are able to continue the fight, whereas those who don’t, sink and quit. Sometimes it takes an event or even a person to trigger your will-power. Once you have it, harness it and don’t ever let anyone diminish it.    

2.     Nothing can replace a support system. If you had the chance to sit down with my uncle and ask, “What is the secret that has kept you going for so long?” He would instantly reply: family, loved ones, and faith. The fight that my uncle faced was never his alone – from my aunt being the stable (AMAZING) rock, to his daughters being a source of light and energy, to my grandparents driving him to appointments, to the family/friends that rallied to encourage him through the fight, and the medical team that took care of him – he was never alone.

Behind every great, long lasting fighter is a support system. While some are large in size, others are a few close-knit loved ones – the point is you need someone(s), who at end of the best and more so at the end of the worst days are still there cheering you on. Will-power is what keeps you fighting; a support system is what gives you the little reminder pushes.

3.     Don’t let pain hold you back. Let me give you an idea of what my uncle endured over the last 4 ? years – 22 surgeries, countless doctor appointments, new diagnoses, multiple cancer treatments, intense opiate withdrawals, and that is to just to name a few. Anyone in their right mind would have just stayed focused on those battles currently at hand. The reality is, we are all facing our own battles (some far greater than my uncle and others that we’re fighting in our minds). We can never let those battles and pains keep us from being great. Now here are all the things my uncle did during those 4 ? years: dedicated himself to his own spiritual growth (was baptized in 2015), saw, in-person, President Trump’s inauguration (enduring cross-country trip from California to DC), saw his eldest daughter graduate high school, visited my family in Washington to help lay to rest our grandfather, and watched his beautiful daughters go to high school dances, among many other unforgettable memories.   

How many times have you found yourself holding back because of internal struggles or external fears? In reality we all have but those that find the courage to push forward have the opportunity for life changing experiences. It is in these memories where we are able to share our stories and grow from others.   

4.     Leaving a legacy isn’t attached to a number. My uncle will enter the heavenly gates at 53, maybe 54 years old (his birthday is July 3rd). When you are in your teens that feels like a big number, but for those who are soon approaching or are in their 50s +, having life stop at 53 feels like life being cut short. He will not see his daughters’ graduate college or walk them down the aisle; he will not grow old with his amazing/strong wife or see his grandchildren grow-up. What he will have is his legacy that will be passed down because of the influence he had on many lives.

We never know what Life has in store for us. It can take loved-ones away at any age but that fear or your lack of “life experience” should not be what limit you from creating a legacy. Plain and simple: Life is short, but big ripples can be made by those even at the youngest age. Everyday should be a brick to building that legacy, some days a lot of work will be accomplished and other days it will feel like only baby steps were made. The idea is that every day is our chance to further the legacy we wish to create – not everyone is taking advantage of it, but you can!

5.     See the bigger picture. Through the multiple years my uncle faced his battled there were many times he could have gotten caught up the in details. The numerous of good and bad doctor appointments, all the surgeries, radiation treatments along with all the side effects of anxiety, loss of appetite, extreme tiredness, etc. Any one of those is enough to bog anyone down. Even on his worst day you could question him if now was the time to give-up and his answer would be no. In my uncle’s own words, “I saw lots of people in REAL BAD shape and I realized again that I am the luckiest guy in the world.”

We live in world where there is so much constantly going around us. It is so easy to let one comment, one person or one wrong thing ruin or blur our drive. When you are able to step back and see the bigger picture at hand and remember the lessons above, these little details won’t be detours anymore.

I am going to miss my uncle, but I know he wouldn’t want that pain to lessen my impact on the world. I will always hold these lessons close and hope you find some inspiration in the lessons I learned from my dying uncle.

#TEAMDANNY