Five Lessons I Learned Coaching Five-Year-old Soccer That Will Make Your Job and Life Better

Read on if having a better life is one of your GOAAAAAALS

?

?

I just wrapped up coaching my 5 year old son’s soccer team.

?

Wow, I have to take a pause already. Those are words I never thought I would type or say. Despite being a big Ted Lasso fan, soccer has never been my game. And I never thought I would coach one of my kids’ own peewee teams, let alone soccer. However, when the email went out that the league was short fifteen coaches, I figured I’d give it a shot. Because if some parent who had no clue about soccer and was reluctantly roped into coaching was going to coach my own kid, I may as well be that reluctant idiot coaching my kid.

?

Even though my experience (and enthusiasm) for soccer was limited, it was a phenomenal season full of fun, learning, and those weird parent tunnels the kids get to run through after the game. And as I told my wife, at the very least, it would give me something to write about. Alas, here is that something. Lucky you! Navigating the world of youth soccer has given me a few lessons I learned that I think you can use to make your work and personal life better. Any challenge can be an opportunity to learn about yourself (that isn’t even one of the main lessons, but as I think as I just typed it, it’s actually pretty good!), and that’s just what happened this Fall. So let my volunteer experience be a chance for you to learn what I did without the pain of wrangling a bunch of little kids around a soccer field for three months.

?

Let’s GOOOOOOOOOOal!

?

?

1)??? Enthusiasm Can Overcome a Lack of Expertise

?

Now that the season is successfully behind me, I think I can safely say that going into this thing, I had no friggin’ clue what I was doing. It’s not that soccer is not really my jam, I have zero interest in the sport, and am about as ugly American as you can get when it comes to my disdain. As such, my tactical and strategic knowledge of how the game works is limited to my observations playing foosball. However, these 4- and 5-year-olds were depending on me to coach them up. They also had limited experience and expertise in the game as well. So, whatever I was teaching them, even if very basic, was mostly new and exciting to them.

?

Beyond needing a limited amount of knowledge, I also relied on a lesson learned helping to coach T-Ball the last couple of years. While many could argue baseball is more boring than soccer (I will strongly object, but let’s not fight right now), to a 5-year-old, standing around a t ball field waiting for a ball that is probably never coming is more boring than at least getting to chase a ball around nonstop. To overcome the inherent boringness of baseball, the coach I helped always came armed with one thing: enthusiasm!

?

That was the attitude I carried to every practice and game. While I may not have had a great idea if the drills I had planned were going to turn these little kiddos into, um, I don’t really know any famous soccer players that they could be aspiring to. I did do every drill with a lot of enthusiasm and excitement, which always got the kids excited. This led to them, and me, having fun whenever we had a practice or game. Most importantly, the parents appreciated my enthusiasm. In youth sports, having the parents on your side will help prevent many headaches as a coach.

?

Now, you may not be a youth soccer coach. But the lesson here is that while conventional thinking is that you have to be a perfectly prepared expert for every endeavor, the truth is if you approach any endeavor with enthusiasm and excitement, you can create the energy needed to overcome much of the lack of expertise you may have.

?

Except for brain surgery. DON’T attempt if you are not an expert, even with a large amount of enthusiasm.

?

?

?

?

2)??? Selfishness is noticed at all ages

?

Teamwork is something we have heard since we were kids playing sports and up to and including every staff meeting we have probably ever attended while in the workforce. And for good reason, it’s a crucial part of any organization’s success. When a person is being selfish or a poor teammate, grownups typically notice. What blew me away is that while my 4- and 5-year-olds were all bunched up chasing the ball around the field, they also could perceive when someone was not being a good teammate. Not only that, but despite some of the less than sharing teammates scoring lots of goals to help us “win” (I’ll get on to keeping score shortly), they cared less about that then what kind of teammate they were.

?

Along those lines, we had some more advanced players that had a better idea of how soccer worked, and could score almost at will. This was cool to see. Unfortunately, part of this advanced skill would involve them stealing the ball…from their own teammates. Sometimes with a little shove to get them out of the way. At first, our team was excited for all the goals we were scoring. But quickly they came to realize what that came at the expense of: everyone on the team getting a chance to have the ball.

?

Within a few practices and games, I started getting complaints from the other players. Now, at this age, I couldn't just make the offending players run gassers until they puked (as much as I wanted to). But I addressed the importance of sharing, and instituted a rule that once someone scored a goal, they had to pass to a teammate before they scored another one. Some of the kids really took it to heart and it was impressive to see the passing and learning they did. Other times, I had to institute a “go touch the fence” rule during practice if they stole from their own teammates. It wasn’t a long run, just designed to incorporate some feedback into their behavior.

?

In your teams, it’s important to make sure you are sharing the metaphorical “ball.” Because whether you are a 4-year-old soccer player, or a 44-year-old working in corporate America, if you aren’t being a good teammate, people will notice. And there is only so much “winning” until it can’t be ignored.

?

?

?

?

3)??? Sometimes the best coaching is less coaching

?

If you couldn’t tell already, I came into this coaching thing with a limited knowledge of soccer and coaching in general. To prepare, I attended the University of YouTube to get the best drills I could find to turn these little soccer novices into, well, again I am not very good at naming famous soccer players.

?

Given their young ages, and my lack of experience, I kept the drills as simple as possible. I also corrected them the minimum amount, mostly because I couldn’t tell when they were doing something incorrectly. And so, we would do these drills for the 1st half of each practice. As for the 2nd half?

?

I just let em’ play!

?

The activity the kids, and myself, loved the most was scrimmaging. They loved it because they got to just play and learn the game. I loved it because it was half a practice I didn’t need to come up with drills. But my minimalist coaching seemed to do the trick, as they were able to pick up the basics of soccer during practice and played great in their games during the season.

?

There is a lesson from beyond the field (or pitch if you are in England): less is often more when it comes to coaching and instruction. When we overcoach and over teach, it takes away the intuition people have of how to figure problems out. It gets them overthinking and in their heads. As the fictional Crash Davis said in the classic movie Bull Durham, “Don't think, it can only hurt the ball club”.

?

If you are coaching, leading, or guiding someone, or a team, try just doing less. It’s less work for you, and it helps empower those you are coaching to learn, adapt, and own what they are doing more.

?

?

?

?

4)??? You can’t pretend there aren’t winners and losers

?

Our Six and under soccer league didn't have two things soccer traditionally has: goalies and an official score. Given the small fields and confusion many kids had in just understanding what was going on, adding a goalie to the mix would only add confusion. The lack of score keeping was intended for the kids to rightfully focus on things like sportsmanship, teamwork, and the after-game snack. But here’s the thing about these kids:

?

They kept the score.

?

And I loved it.

?

While the push for sportsmanship and a focus away from the hyperawareness of winners and losers is well intentioned, it ignores something about human nature.

?

We care about winners and losers!

?

It’s why people play sports! Now, going viral arguing whether a goal was official or not for a bunch of five-year old’s is too extreme. But after each goal, our kids would ask me to confirm the score, and I only had to shrug and lie when I said ‘I don’t know.”

?

Life is full of winning and losing. Hell, right now the amount of people reading what I write would put me in the ‘losing’ category. To ignore that reality would be foolish. Of course, each time I write I aim to get better, reach a larger audience, and finally hit the “winning” side of the equation. And while this truth can hurt, it’s a very real truth. If you work for a business that loses money, you won’t be working for them for very long. If you can’t “win” enough income to pay your mortgage, your family will not have a place to live. And finding a partner in life comes with a great deal of “losing” on the road to asking strangers out on dates (ok, maybe this is more me, I can’t pretend everyone’s dating life was or is as sad as mine was).

?

So, strike a balance. Acknowledge the importance of winning, but you don’t need to hyperfocus on it, lose your temper over it, or hurt people to do it. But, dammit, winning matters. And it also feels really good.

?

Just ask my undefeated 5 year old’s about that.

?

?

5)??? Some conventions could be broken and no one would notice

?

It may come as a surprise, but I played three years of youth soccer. I scored one goal and pretty much did not enjoy the sport. But I do remember having a team banner that the parents would make. Doing the “parent tunnel” at the end. And having an after-season pizza party.

?

I quickly found out the banner tradition has continued, only now it is printed at a central facility after a team parent is, um, “volunteered” do design it. Because we have some late additions to the squad, our banner was absent the first couple of games. And boy oh boy, the amount to f complaining and handwringing I heard from the parents and my kids was out of control!

?

Oh, wait, they didn’t even notice.

?

And the first couple games, we forgot to do the parent tunnel. The site of the giant tears of my kids’ faces broke my heart!

?

Oh, wait, the kids didn’t even notice.

?

When there was no post season pizza party (because we ended just days before Thanksgiving and the parents all had better things to do), the kids literally rioted.

?

Oh, wait. They didn’t even notice.

?

Three conventions that were broken.

?

Three conventions nobody cared about.

?

And three conventions that by avoiding saved time, and could have saved money on that banner that the league could have used for any number of things.

?

There is a lesson here. So much of what we do is only because “it’s how we’ve always done it” and is the worst, and most frustrating “reason” given for why a process is sone. We spend so much time standing on conventions, conventions that waste time, money, and make us miserable. And so many that we could just not do, and have a higher level of job, family, and life satisfaction.

?

So, my final lesson from coaching youth soccer is to not be afraid to break a few conventions if it just makes practical sense. You’ll be surprised by the lack of caring from others, and your life will be happier, calmer, and full of more peace (And sometimes money!) because of it.

?

And to my team, the Green Dragons, thanks for a fun Fall of soccer!

?

Now, is it baseball season yet?

?

?

?