Five Lessons from Mom

Today marks five years since my mother, Indira Sabhaney passed away. Anniversaries and birthdays have a way of flooding your mind with memories. As usual, in my head, the entire film of the last days of her life leading up to her passing has been playing through the last few days. But this year, when the whole world is turned awry, and we are all at home counting our blessings and reflecting on where life has reached, I can’t help but wonder what my mother would have made of this situation. Well, I don’t think I need to wonder—she faced many adversities and lived a life that has left a lot of lessons for us learn from. Let me share just five of those with you. 

Love conquers all 

My parents’ love story is my favourite. My father was a dashing Air Force officer doing a course in England. My mother, a Swiss miss, was in London at the same time. They met at a bookstore and fell in love. So much in love that my mother made a long journey by ship to Mumbai all alone to be united with him. She met another gentleman on the ship who tried to court her, telling her that she was on a fool’s errand and there would be nobody there to meet her when she reached, so she might as well be with him. But my mother was resolute, with full faith in her love, and sure enough, my father was right there to meet her at the dock. Till date, I am amazed at both, my mother’s courage as well as her belief that where there’s love, there’s a way. 

Stay humble, stay simple

One of the strongest lessons I have learnt from Mom is that you must never flaunt what you have. Be thankful for your privileges but never show off. Whoever she met with was always put at ease by her simplicity and warmth. 

Always serve those less privileged than you

Mom’s simplicity also flowed into the way she served the under-privileged. There was never any big noise about ‘helping the poor’. It was all done very matter-of-factly—there was no two ways about it. If you are privileged, you have to share those privileges. Whether it was cooking for a non-profit, converting books into Braille for the blind, donating things…whatever it was, it was done quietly and was part of life. 

Maintain courage and grace in adversity

Both my parents struggled through cancer. With my mom, it was particularly difficult since it came back after going away. But never once did I hear her complain. She accepted pain like she accepted everything in life—with dignity, courage and grace. The last few years of her life were especially painful, but that only made her more resolute in making sure everyone in the family was well looked after and loved. 

Relationships are the real wealth    

Whether it was family—her side or my father’s—or an ever-extending circle of friends, my mother was the focal point of our relationships. She nurtured and cherished her relationships, and everyone loved her. It was never about how much money we had, it was always about how to cherish the people in our lives. 

Today, these lessons from my mother form my bedrock. In these times, their relevance and the need to practice them is even more acute. While I miss her every day and a little extra on days like today, I am thankful for these gifts of wisdom she left for me and strive to live up to them through my thoughts, words and actions. 

Indira Sabhaney

Born Trudy Schmid December 29, 1929 Zurich, Switzerland

Passed away Gurgaon July 14, 2015

 Came to India by Sea, docked in Bombay and married

 Idandas Werhomal Sabhaney

(Air Marshal, Indian Air Force)

Born August 29, 1921 in Larkana, Sindh

Passed away Gurgaon February 20, 2008

Loved and Remembered by

Prema & Jyoti Sagar, Ranjit & Prableen Sabhaney, Katharina Rinaldi & Dario, Rahul & Una Sagar, Rudrajit & Anna Sabhaney, Simran Sagar, Vidyun Sabhaney, Simona Rohr, Isabella, Mia, Sophie & Julian