Five Lessons from Lives Well-Lived

This week I had the extraordinary experience of celebrating my mother Marjorie’s 85th birthday and my mother-in-law Joan’s 95th! Each milestone celebration was unique.

With Joan, we opened gifts and ordered take-out from her preferred steakhouse to her apartment. Even though we didn’t go out to a restaurant, she dressed for the occasion and enjoyed white wine and chopped liver. Her favorite guest was Mr. Big, the five-pound Maltese.

Marjorie traveled from Chicago to join our family in New York City and inaugurated the guest room in our new apartment. I took her to see my office, and my boss gave her a hug. We dined at our favorite cafe and my brother brought a cake.

These festivities came at a time when I was feeling old. These days, I wake up tired. My lower back aches. I take a cab when I should walk.

How do these ladies press on? What gives them vitality? How can I be more like them? These questions swirled in my mind throughout the week.?I watched these two women and here’s what I observed:

1.????? Be Tenacious:? These two gals are tough. They make their own decisions and do not suffer fools. They each have their own core set of values. For Joan, she says “family first.” For Marjorie, “It’s not what happens to you, but how you handle it.” They don’t bend to trends or group think.

2.????? Keep Moving: Both have endured medical complications – four back surgeries for my mom and multiple falls for my mother-in-law, and yet they each continue to try. My mom attempts to walk outside everyday – except when the Chicago windchill is unbearable. Joan was sent to a rehabilitation center, dug in with the physical therapy, and fought her way to being released.

3.????? Read: Both women are avid readers. My mom is deep into Oath and Honor by Liz Cheney. Joan just finished All the Light You Cannot See by Anthony Doerr.? Their night tables have a pile of soon-to-be-read books.

4.????? Looking Good Makes You Feel Better: They pay attention to the beauty and fashion details. Neither of them would miss their weekly hair salon appointment. Their hair stylist is a key player on their personal care team. They get manicures, wear stylish clothes, and never succumb to the sweatpants I live in.

5.????? Care about Others:? Every text from Joan ends with a big red heart emoji.? She signs off every phone call with “I love you dearly.” My mom’s world revolves around caring for Dad, and her devotion to her three granddaughters: Lily, Carolyn, and Molly (and shopping for the family… and herself).

These are a few things I learned this week. These lessons aren’t from scholars or clinical trials. They are from long lives well lived. Suddenly, I feel less tired.