Five Great Questions to Ask Yourself When Life Sucks

We all face difficulties - it is the nature of our existence and is the common thread that holds us together.?So when you’re working through challenging situations, better outcomes start with asking yourself better questions.?When you find yourself in stressful situations - family, work, money, health - the actions you take will define your future and to a large extent, determine your character.?In these times, it is a good practice to ask yourself big questions that help you navigate treacherous waters and, hopefully, land on a sandy beach where you can gather yourself and rest until you’re ready to sail the open seas again.

Difficulties are Relative

One person’s pain is not more or less relevant than another’s.?When we stand in judgment of another - say someone who completely loses their mind over a flat tire versus someone who was laid off from a high-paying job - both may have an equal amount of emotional pain relative to them.?So, when looking at your own situation, comparing yourself to someone else is not fair or accurate.

Only you know what is painful to you.?There’s no pain scale. Everyone has their own degree of pain and what is painful to one may be very tolerable to another.?One thing is for sure, judging your pain in comparison to another's is a treacherous and dangerous slope and one that gets a lot of people into trouble.?Pain is pain - no amount of comparison is going to make it feel better.

Therefore, use these questions to help free yourself of a difficult or painful situation.?

#1 - Who Can I Help Today?

Looking outside ourselves is a long-standing practice of those who are moving forward in their lives.?When we are in the depths of a difficult situation, turning our attention to another person, particularly a person who is in the same situation as you, provides immediate emotional relief.?At the core of this question is the key human emotion of compassion and our desire to help make someone else better, which in turn, makes us feel better.

Every single person can be of service.?The first and probably most critical help people want is for someone to listen to them.?When the crap hits the fan, talking out a problem with someone who listens is often the best medicine.

I recall a time when my wife and I tried to adopt a baby.?We worked hard to find a child and were gifted a baby girl we named Sabrina.?We were very happy. However, three weeks after Sabrina arrived, the birth mother showed up at our door and wanted her baby back.?Adoption laws are very clear, and we knew them going into an open adoption. We had no choice but to return Sabrina back to her birth mother.?

It was a very difficult time for my wife and me.?I did not know how to process the emotions and loss of a baby.?My mentor Tony would say, nicely, “Whom can you help today?” After getting pissed at him, I turned my attention to people who needed my time, they needed me to listen to them.?And that is exactly what I did. I listened to other people’s problems and through their healing, I was able to heal as well.

So, the #1 question to ask yourself in a difficult situation is whom can I help today?

#2 - What is the Positive Side?

Looking for the positive in a bad situation is a decision, and at times, not an easy one to make.?Who can think of a healthy body when faced with a disease? How are we able to look wealth in the eyes when all I see is poverty??Who cares for the lighter side of life when you’ve lost your home in bankruptcy?

Looking at the brighter side of a problem is a decision of using our free will.?We must ask ourselves, “What is positive here?” I recall the day I was laid off from a nice job in the IT industry.?This was just after the dot-bomb era (2001) and people were losing their jobs left and right. I remember pacing the room in my hotel, wondering how I was going to tell my wife.?We just moved into a new dream house and we had 2 children under 4 years of age. It was not a good time.

For most of the night, I tortured myself for not seeing this coming, spending money on the house when the economy was starting to tilt, butchering my pride for just being so stupid.?This negative narrative went on until the thought of my wife and kids flashed in my mind’s eye. They were healthy and happy, full of life. We successfully navigated the failed adoption and went on to have two beautiful children of our own.?I was very grateful and found a shining positive glow of life buried in the crap pile of negative attitudes I built.

Yes, it sucked to be laid off.?No one was hiring technology executives in the following two years and, yes it was difficult.?But I would turn my attention to the positive whenever I felt the weight of the world crash around me.?I had to, there was no other way to navigate the seas when the cold north wind decides to blow through your life.

So, question #2 of the 5 great questions to ask yourself in difficult situations is what is the positive side of the problem??How can I be grateful in this situation?

#3 - How Can I Laugh About This Problem?

Finding humor in the dark hours is a choice of being happy or staying sad or mad.?Neurotransmitters called endorphins are released when you smile. These are triggered by the movements of the muscles in your face, which tells your brain, to releases these chemicals which are responsible for making us feel happy.?Make no mistake, smiling in the face of sadness, pain and emotional stress is a choice - one that only you make when the shit hits the fan.

The choice to look for humor is your secret weapon.?Everyone handles the fun and easy times, but there are many fewer people who handle challenging situations with a degree of character and grace. I want to be one of those people who others look to for stability and be an example of what to do in the face of challenges.?It makes me feel good that you are getting better.

On the heels of being laid off from the high-paying job, I turned my emotional baggage into assets as soon as I started smiling about the situation.?I quickly learned that the technology job market was screwed however I had three mouths to feed, mortgage, and debt. One dark night my wife and I were looking at each other and we both broke out into smiles and tears. We knew we would survive this phase of our life and our love and good-natured hearts would be better for it.?

From that point on we joked about the problems, lack of money, even the part-time jobs I took to make ends meet.?Looking for humor in life’s challenges is truly human and a choice, a choice I needed then and one I make today.?You can too.

#4 - Who Do I Know That Can Help?

Finding help in difficult situations is a matter of humility and humbleness.?I’ve watched family dissolve and fade away because either the husband or wife or both, refuse to ask for help.?They feel it is a problem of pride and it is locked in a cycle of fear that prevents them from getting the support and love they need to navigate difficult times.?

However, it is hard to know you’re in a prideful situation or you’re not asking for help when you really need it.?I don’t think people are thinking “I am being stubborn”, they just do not want to be a burden on others, an inconvenience to their families and friends.?They would opt to go down in flames instead of burning someone else. It’s crazy to think we would make this choice but it is one made all the time.

I remember when our daughter was born 11 weeks early and missed her whole third trimester of pregnancy.?Boy, that was a really difficult time and one in which I could not handle by myself. My wife was not well after the birth and I needed help with our son while I was going to work, laundry, cooking and a host of other duties to make it.?I reached out to my friends who showed up in packs and helped more than they will ever know. It made all the difference in the world. I took their help until I got the rhythm of the days and eventually was able to stand on my own two feet.?But I needed help at that moment and I asked for it.

Reaching out to people to help you in challenging times also helps others.?This can be a fine line and knowing when to ask is often not as easy as it may seem.?I’ve seen people take advantage of the generous offerings of others and then just keep pulling from them.?

#5 - What is the Next Right Action?

Ask yourself, “What is the next right action?”?Whether you’re in a difficult situation or just getting up in the morning and are deciding how you wish for your day to unfold, looking ahead and asking yourself which action should be your next is a good discipline to learn.?The next right action is not always obvious and taking the time to evaluate your options never hurts and always results in a good outcome.

The practice of asking yourself this question grounds you in the present, takes you out of the “what if…” fear mode and moves you towards a resolution of issues or problems. I find this personal question a comforting process because it takes me out of the fear of the future.?

Personal worthiness is grounded in knowing you have done your best in any given situation, and doing the next right action is doing the next best thing.?When you do the next best thing, your worthiness grows and you feel better about yourself - no matter the problem or circumstance. The journey of 1,000 miles starts with the first step to get into action and take the next right step.

I recall a moment when I was locked in financial fear.?My company, Cloud Nation, was nearly out of cash and I did not know how I was going to pay my own rent, let alone pay the salaries.?I was locked down in crisis fear with no apparent way out. I remembered this question and asked myself, “What is the next right action?”?The thought came to me to pick up the phone, call our clients, and ask them for more business. The process was hugely freeing and I quickly found enough business to make the payroll and then some!?The whole process opened me up and we eventually turned the corner, got the company on its feet, and sold it.

Selling Cloud Nation was a huge win and it started with this question - What is the next right action??It is the fifth and most powerful question in this podcast series and I hope you are able to see its value and impact.

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About the Author

Robert Christiansen is the author of?The Bug In Our Brain, a complete guide to elevating self-worth and attainment of goals. He is an executive, entrepreneur, mentor, public speaker, and master coach. Robert is the president of Motive For Life, professional coaching, event, and publishing company based in Lake Forest, California. Motive For Life is dedicated to bringing this solution to the general public and elevating the collective worthiness of the human population.