The Five Friends You Need And The Five You Don’t

The Five Friends You Need And The Five You Don’t:

Recently, I noticed myself getting more and more selective with the people who I call my “friends”. As you get further and further out of college you realize how important your time is, and how much time and effort is required to build and maintain your relationships. In just the last few years I have met so many amazing people I hope to be able to keep in my life for years to come, and some who just didn’t make the list.

I have learned that there are five important people to seek out in life, and five to cut out. I’m sure you will relate to some and may even have others to add that I’ve overlooked. Everyone’s list might be a little different, but in my experience, here are my definitive friend guidelines.

The Five Needs:

1. The Mentor:

This is one of the most important categories. This person is the one you go to for advice. They may be older than you, they may not be, but they are always super level headed and genuinely look out for your best interests. They want to see you succeed and won’t judge you, no matter how silly your questions to them may be. One friend might guide you for everything, or you may have multiple Mentors for your career, personal, spiritual, and other parts of your life.

The bottom line: Find one (or many) now.

2. The Volunteer:

This is a broad category, but let me explain. This person is very involved in helping others. It might be with a Boys and Girls Club, saving animals at a shelter, a professional group, a church or religious group, or some other form of community service. This person typically knows a good portion of the volunteer community and frequently tries to get people in their network to help out too. They will show you that the community needs help, and how fortunate you are to live the life you do. This friend brings out the best in everyone, including you.

The bottom line: They will always be there for you. They will get you to spend your time doing something meaningful. They will always show you the brighter side of life.

3. The Dreamer:

This person is high on life. They never think anything is out of reach. They typically have a huge drive to get what they want, even if it might seem crazy to most. They might be pursuing a music career, or have been continually auditioning for Broadway. This person might be spending all his or her time on the startup that’s going to change the world. They are driven by their heart and filled with passion. They will always encourage you to start your own business or go to the open mic night. Everyone needs a Dreamer in their life. After all, if you don’t have a dream, how can it come true?

The bottom line: They will always be there to encourage you to follow your dreams, your heart, or both. They will make you believe that anything is possible.

4. The Adventurer:

This person is always going somewhere or doing something. They don’t treasure things, they treasure experiences. This person has traveled a lot and doesn't plan on stopping anytime soon. They invite you on a camping trip to see the coolest waterfall nobody knows about, or ask you to join this year's ski trip in Austria. This person expands your vision of the world. They also live by the motto “travel is the only thing you can buy that makes you richer”.

The bottom line: The Adventurer will take you to places you’ve never heard of or would not go on your own. They will expand your knowledge of the world. This is the person that you have “the experience of a lifetime” with. Enjoy it and the company.

5. The Office Bestie:

Let’s be real, you wouldn’t get through the day without this person. They are the first person you go to to vent or to ask questions. They usually work in your department, but could be on another team too. You get lunch often, talk regularly, and they are always understanding. In some cases, you may only hang out at work, but grabbing a happy hour drink at 4 isn’t out of the question either.

The bottom line: They get you through all of the meetings that could have been emails.

Bonus Friend: A dog. Just get one. No explanation needed.

The Five Don’ts:

1. The Victim:

We all know this person. They always seem to make everything out to be someone else's fault. No matter the situation, they turn it to make themselves the one who was wronged. They will try to make you feel bad about not going over-the-top for them all the time. They will make you feel low and try to bring you down with them. They’ll make you feel like their best friend one day, and a traitor the next. The drama never stops, and the victim’s problems always take precedence over your own.

The bottom line: After you identify this person, just cut the ties. Your friends are supposed to bring you up, not tear you down. There’s no value here. Misery loves company and this is company you can do without.

2. The Leech:

You’ve probably been friends with this person since college. They always let someone else buy the first round of drinks, and seem to be gone when the next round is due. They try to take credit for things at work that they didn’t do. This person tries to get ahead at the loss of others. Also, this person will never split the bill equally. Stop it, everyone hates that. You ate just as many chips and guac as everyone else.

For additional clarity: I am not anti-split bills. I am anti-split bills when everyone has generally the same food/drinks etc.

The bottom line: They’re probably a generally good person, but it’s annoying and you’re past that.

3. Negative Neil:

Everything. Is. Negative. Let me repeat that, EVERYTHING is negative. No matter what the conversation topic, it’s always bad. You could have just received an amazing job offer but Neil will be quick to remind you that it’s not in the ideal location and the benefits ‘could be’ better. Neil never thinks the coffee in the office is hot enough and criticizes every piece of food that goes into his mouth...

You get the picture.

The bottom line: When it comes to your friends, live by the motto “good vibes only”.

4. Never Graduated Nancy:

You and Nancy were sorority sisters, and have been friends ever since. Except that was 2009 and Nancy still thinks the most important thing is to drink (heavily) and club four days a week. She never really got over the whole ‘college’ stage. Nancy is fun to hang out with but definitely makes questionable decisions. Drunk phone calls at 1 am seem to get less and less fun when you have a huge presentation to your CFO promptly at 9 am.

The bottom line: Some people go through their entire lives with friends like Nancy. For me, Nancy doesn’t make the list. I’ll see Nancy at the next reunion. I’m sure she’ll be there.

5. The Know-It-All:

This person literally knows the answer to every question. EVERY. SINGLE. QUESTION. They basically are the human form of Google. No matter the conversation they can put it to end with their immersive knowledge of, well, everything. They always know exactly what to do at work, and what you should be doing too. If this person doesn’t know what the subject matter is they will just make it up as they go. It gets incredibly annoying and frustrating. You aren’t sure what they actually know vs. what’s a lie and start questioning everything.

The bottom line: You can’t have a real conversation with this person because you don’t know what's reality and what’s fantasy. Communication is a fundamental part of every relationship, friends included.

So that’s the list of people I seek and avoid. I’m sure your list is a little different, so I would love to hear your top and bottom five in the comments section! If you already have that top five, tag them here letting them know how much you appreciate having them in your life!