Five Critical Steps to Restoring Trust After Infidelity
One of the first steps I take with couples is restoring trust after infidelity. Get the trust back is key to saving a relationship that has been damaged by infidelity. I have seen couples heal, even thrive after dealing with the pain of infidelity in my 30+ years of couples therapy.
Here are the 5 key steps for restoring trust after infidelity:
Get therapy with a reputable expert in infidelity.
Discover the factors (not excuses) that led to the affair so that alternative healthier solutions can be practiced.
Look for behavioral change.
(depending on whatever was discovered as to what was behind the secretive actions) in the relationship that lets, you know that something different is truly happening and that there is reason to take a chance on your partner again.
Reassure your partner.
Whenever there is a “risky” situation such as going to a work meeting where the “other person” is attending, the one who betrayed needs to go out of his or her way to reassure the partner before, during, and after the meeting (or whatever the event or location is).
Spend consistent quality time with each other.
Both people should use the relationship as a crucible for increased self-expression.
Be willing to be vulnerable again.
The person who had been betrayed has to on some level be willing to get hurt again; that is not to say that you plan on it and it is not being masochistic.
It just means that at some point when there is enough reason to take a smart risk, go in all the way and be willing to be vulnerable again.
Holding back long-term poses risks as well.
Accept the inherent risk that relationships pose. In order to feel loved, we need to be open to hurt. Of course, the person who previously cheated needs to be appreciative and sensitive to the risk the partner is taking and of course needs to continue being honest and transparent.
The #1 most important thing you can do for yourself and your relationship whether or not you want to salvage it, is to get therapy with a reputable expert in infidelity. Doing this will help you get on the right path to healing yourself.
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Todd Creager is an experienced relationship therapist, specializing in marriage, sex and couples counseling. From increasing intimacy to overcoming infidelity, Todd has helped countless couples overcome the issues that they face. Author of the Long Hot Marriage, and Love, Sex and Karaoke: 52 Ways to Ignite your Love Life, Todd spends much of his time helping long-term partners create passionate and thriving relationships. He provides unique and powerful insights that lead to breakthroughs that result in his clients getting closer to each other and getting the love they want.
Get a free copy of his 7 Keys to a Phenomenal Relationship and start turning up the heat in your relationship today.