Five Behaviors to Avoid in Your Conversations

This is an excerpt from chapter five of my book called Conversations: How to Manage Your Business Relationships One Conversation at a Time. The chapter is called Exercise Self-Control. To be effective in your conversations you have to know what to do and also what not to do.?

Here are five behaviors to avoid:

1. Going Too fast: Gauge your speed to your client’s tastes and preferences. Maybe your client operates at a slower pace than you do or needs you to slow down because the information you’re providing is new or unfamiliar to him. If you sense you are out of sync, you can ask, “Am I going at the right pace for you?” Or go open-ended with, “How is this pace for you?”

2. Mismatching Volume: Watch being too loud or too quiet. Your voice can be overpowering such that your client is literally leaning backward away from you (or on the phone, holding it further away from his ears). When this happens, it creates an unnecessary distance between you and him. Sometimes when you think you’re not getting through to your client, instead of thinking how you could be clearer in your explanation, you’ll just speak louder and louder as if being louder would help him understand you better. If you’re talking too quietly, (or the phone connection is bad) he won’t be able to fully understand you.

3. Using insider language: It’s easy to slip into using your industry’s or company’s jargon. Using acronyms can cause your clients to feel lost. Therefore, company acronyms shouldn’t ever make it into your conversations with clients. It indicates you’re not paying attention to the words you’re selecting with regard to making yourself easy to understand. Much like being too fast or too loud, insider language creates distance between you and your client.

4. Repeating yourself: Repeating yourself because you don’t think your client is understanding you is generally counterproductive and can frustrate him. I’ve observed many relationship managers repeating themselves because they haven’t provided a clear and concise explanation. Many times however, it’s not that you’re being unclear, it’s that the client doesn’t accept what you’ve said and in attempting to convince him, you repeat yourself. Repeating what you’ve said over and over again as if to bludgeon him into acceptance is not going to work. Instead, you need to stop and ask an open-ended question such as, “What do you think?” or “What’s your opinion?” Asking “What’s your point of view?” can also prevent you from repeating yourself and creates a better understanding of why he doesn’t accept the point of view you’ve put forth. Being willing to let his point of view just be, without trying to correct, it can also open up the space for a productive dialogue.

5. Wrong spotting: A common pitfall is reactively telling your client he’s wrong. Since you’re listening for whether you agree or disagree, or whether your client is right or wrong, it’s common to let your inner voice blurt out, “That’s wrong.” and cut him off. Pointing out differences in the way you view something versus what is right or wrong can be much more productive. Consider the difference between saying, “What’s wrong with our competition is _______.” versus “What’s different about us from our competition is _______.” You can distinguish between two services of your respective companies (or different points of view) without being disparaging.

If you want to become more effective in your conversations, I recommend you read my book. It’s called Conversations: How to Manage Your Business Relationships One Conversation at a Time. It’s available on Amazon, Audible and Kindle.