FIVE ABILITIES TO CREATE A FULFILLING LIFE

***As much as this article speaks to you, it is speaking to myself.

The only walls in your life are the ones that you have built yourself. Clear your mind of doubts and conflicts. Free yourself from non-essential thoughts. Do not allow your past garbage, to steal the goodness that is available now, and the fear of future experiences garbage to infect your power to live fresh. There is nothing but good for you in this life.

When you complain about what is missing, you miss the opportunity to be grateful for what you have. There is no change without chaos, without confronting and shaking an exiting. -(somehow, like what the world is going through with the COVID19 pandemic). - It is time to confront the past, the truth and ask for help. It is not about facing it and learning, nor running and accomplishing, it is about pausing – releasing control, focusing on and being obsessed with happiness. It takes courage to say: I need help and take action to get it.

It is called the breakdown moment. A moment where you stand toe to toe, eyeball to eyeball, with the very thing you have tried to avoid for years. At that moment, there is nothing standing between you, your fear and your truth. It also forces you to choose your greatness, if you demand it.

Then questions arise like: Do you know your worth? Do you know what define you and your life? Do you know what you need? Do you know who you are? Do you want to face the truth?

There are boundaries and there are choices.  A lack of boundaries invites a lack of respect. Wellbeing and self-esteem in life, work and love depend on being clear about what is ok and not ok for you. These are lines that you don’t want people to cross because they restrict you from being you. But there are also, people who only want to love, support and protect you, so, not letting go, not releasing control with them is a choice. It is no longer boundaries and by doing so, you are limiting the precious energy they want to share.

Overthinking is equally devastating as not admitting.  You can heal from everything, but no one can assist a person who do not realize that he/she/ is wounded. Trust is essential in every relation. It takes time to build it and to be comfortable navigating situations. Overthinking in your corner is exhausting. Overthinking what you want to share is lot of pressure. Things aren't happening only in your mind, but with others. You can admit and share as it is (problem solving) or you can ruminate and ruin your peace of mind (overthinking). There no in between.

We all need help; we all need someone who is willing to be there for us. Someone, who love, relate and accept who we are and where we are now. Someone, who has his own load, yet do not think that taking a journey with you is overload. In my case, it is my mentor. I still struggle to open up, but whenever I do, the way I can, I feel it is safe and fulfilling.

A woman I truly admire, used to call me ‘’my butterfly’’. She saw through me, has seen my potential and told me ‘’soon, you will blossom into a beautiful butterfly’’.

Our success doesn’t define us, but our personality does. There is the Be (yourself) and the Do (achievements). You are probably chasing many things but haven’t mastered yet this fabulous thing called ‘’breathing’’. I have come to realize that, as individuals, we need few abilities to have a fulfilling life. They vary from one another, help succeed in life, at work and in love. Read and clarify yours.

1)      Ability to create a vision

This ability calls your emotional intelligence, compassion, authenticity and ethics.

It is more of creating a vision for your life than working for a vision in a company. It takes a decade for me to be clear on a vision for my life, I am still working on it. Just so you know it is not a statement, but a living bigger picture.

When I was at university, I used to have mates who think it was silly to think about a mission or long term goals. Why create a vision when it is uncertain to accomplish those things anyway? It is like Santa wish list right?

I also met people in various events I attend who seems hopeless, stuck and just passing time in life without aspiration.

Then, I observed that accomplished people are those who have a vision or at least a mission for their life. The most accomplished are those who made it a living picture. They seem to have to it all, to know what come next, as if they can foresee the future.

Those are people I want to be like. I learned how a vision can change my life, my habits, my personality. I realized it wasn’t futile. I started with a statement, then goals, then a mission and now have a picture I keep working on.

Some years ago, I saw things to a certain point and thought that was the end line. However, in 2018, I came to a crossroad. I call it the ‘’dark period’’. I reached a point where I couldn’t question myself anymore, have accomplished the most concrete goals, grown and shaped myself the way I wanted for my good. Instead of being fulfilled, I thought I was lost because I don't know what come next. I started living again the fears from my past and doubting the present. I would cry days and nights seeking answers for what next. I let my hardships, all the prejudices from my childhood discouraged me. I was hiding from everything external, and avoiding to face everything internal. It was a regression. Later, things fell in place again, I breakthrough with prayers and patience. I chose to deviate from the path I was taking to reach my vision, to get more stability and security. I didn’t deviate from the vision, and whatever happen bad or good, I keep the bigger picture in mind.

''When the student is ready, the teacher appears.'' Buddhist proverb

At the exact time, I started making few efforts in 2019 to rise after the dark period, he (my now mentor) reached out. He wasn’t just away; he was coming on my way. I was about to get the helping mind, I prayed for. A person fulfilling his life with a living vision. When we talk and he answer questions with his own life experiences, I can’t do anything than receive.

You need a vision, something to define who you want to be, what you want to be known for, a set of evolving experiences and accomplishments you aim for.

First you have to:

-         Identify what matter most, resources needed and system to review your goals regularly

-        Connect with yourself and Identify what kind of people you want to be surrounded by

-         Identify what you wish to change about the world and how you want to contribute

-         Believe you can and find motivation within whether from your scars or your privileges

-         Think about what you want people to remember about you and seek contentment

2)     Ability to be optimistic

Optimism can literally change your life.

When you change the way you look at things, the things you look at change’’ Wayne Dyer

How often do you look on the bright side of things? How often do you choose happiness? How often do you see the glass half full? How often do you wish not to be negative? It is your responsibility to find the right answers and to assume.

We love to be happy, we love the idea of happiness, yet it is hard for us to keep smile on. Before we can change our mindsets, we need enough focus on living, deserving a better and positive life.

We often ask ourselves: are we really able to pull out from this situation? Can we really to do this? The answer is YES. You can’t give up; you can’t lose so why go through unnecessary pain? Every time we fully get into doubts, we lose belief and hope in ourselves. When that happiness is gone, it is hard to get it back.

I was asking myself recently, when did I lose optimism? When did I become pessimist? Then answering few personal questions, I realized I was not pessimist, I am stuck in between.

Meaning: I stop giving myself the choice to choose my attitude and to deal with things for my good.

What you choose to do in a situation will change your life forever. If you don’t know, breathe and ask questions to find the right answers. Adversity and challenges will always peek up when you least expect. The choice is yours and will always be.

3)     Ability to have values

Your values are the things that you believe are important in the way you live, love and work.

They help you determine your priorities, and deep down, they are probably the measures you use to tell if your life is turning out the way you want it. We cannot negotiate nor compromise our values.

When things you do match your value, life is usually good and you project integrity. You are satisfied and content, but when these don’t align, things turn out wrong and you feel unhappy. Life is easy when you define and acknowledge your values, make plans and decisions accordingly.

If you value family, but work 70 hours a week in your job, won’t you feel stress and internal conflicts?

If you value collaboration and live in a competitive environment, won’t you lose satisfaction?

In 2015, I started travelling frequently. I would be away for weeks and months without calling my sister and mother. Until, I realize that I was risking our relation and when I am back home, I am a stranger in my family. I knew it, but didn’t change until my sister and I had an argument in 2017. I asked myself what matter most and started saying NO. I thought I would lose a lot, but instead I was happier, can filter demands and received more meaningful opportunities.

Like your vision, values change as your definition of success change. It is a lifelong exercise and something to continually review especially when you are unbalanced. Trust your life to help you define your value.

Think of times:

-         you truly felt good, happy and confident

-         you were most proud

-         you were most fulfilled and satisfied

Determine your value from these times, ask yourself which one align most with your aspirations/vision and prioritize. Remember, you can revisit them anytime as you grow.

4)      Ability to Decide

Decisions make our life and the right ones lead us to success.

Most people don’t know the profound effects of making life decisions. Every single decision we make shapes our reality.

At 19, I made a decision, that totally affect my way to approach love, femininity, intimacy and vulnerability.

Our decisions shape who we are in life before we even realize the changes. If you want to be happier right now, making efforts to change your decisions will be the key to creating the person and life you envision.

Decision Making is your very first super power.

Because it can cause a chain of events, which from the beginning you can orient to be good ones. That’s why it is good to take time to decide for your life, but most importantly to follow your gut.

It has been a year now that I started second guessing all my decisions. I am afraid of what’s going to happen, what the other person will think, as if I have to go through a careful planning. It is not only time consuming but also stealing my boldness. Where is Pam? What is doing this to me? Surely at the opposite side of this fear.

If you do wrong, you still can be confident that you tried. You made a decision and act on it. It is pointless to make a decision and play it in your head.

Real changes happen in your life, when you are selfish about your power to decide, to take action and feel confident accomplishing what it takes.

5)     Ability to have FAITH

Faith is taking the first step even when you don’t see the whole staircase. Martin L. King

This makes me think of the movie and book ‘’The secret’’, by Rhonda Byrne. It is based on the belief of law of attraction, which claims that thoughts can change a person’s life directly.

When you pay attention, you realize that religion is based on the same principle. ‘’If you believe, you will receive whatever you ask in prayer - Jesus’’

I prayed and got on my knees every day for 05 months to overcome a dark period and all sort of bad habits. I cannot negotiate faith, God got me and I fully surrender.

I have achieved things in my life that nothing in the set of issues my family went through can predict. When I look back and see where and who I am today. Gosh, I haven’t made it yet but I did GOOD because I believe I can. I stood firm and deliver. Now is renaissance time, I shall reinvent myself and do what it takes.

Sometimes, when things don’t go according to our plan, we lose faith. That intangible sensation of belonging to something greater. When we experience failures (any form), we lose hope and further, we lose faith.

However, things can be different. You have a deep rooted ability to move from mind and find answer in your heart, spirit, a kind of certitude that things will get better. There is no logic to explain it, it is a dimension that’s beyond our knowledge.

Without faith, we will lack this force to expect that things will turn out right for us no matter what.

Faith nourish everything in us, it is as much as important as our breathe. When we lose faith in ourselves, we lose gratitude for what we have seen and what we know can happen. People have moved mountains with faith, they have accomplished things beyond ordinary in inexplicable circumstances.

Faith is not just for tough times, it is precious, it is abundance and must illuminate our pathway on daily basis. Whatever we focus on in life, we can get more of it. If it is problems, we will have difficulties moving past negativity. If it is solutions, we will attract and gravitate towards blessings and joy.

Do not be afraid to expect the best for yourself (speaking to myself too). This is not about being selfish, it is being true and deep down belief that things will improve and you deserve the best of the best in life.

Faith makes you stronger, help you discover your purpose in life, help your overcome stress, anxiety and fear, help you find solutions and liberate you.

While loading more articles from my journey of thousand steps, I shall share that the rule of the life is quite simple - WHEN THINGS CHANGE INSIDE, THINGS CHANGE AROUND -. Always find ways to align and stay connected to your true self. Be conscious that you can choose to be positive, to love, to be calm, at peace and do what you want. If you devote yourself, your time and your energy to live and create a fulfilling life, you cannot lose!