Fitting the Aesthetic

The definition of “aesthetic” means to be concerned with beauty or the appreciation of beauty. In context, this word has transformed the art, fashion and beauty space simultaneously since it’s conception but I can’t help to wonder if the word hasn’t become an overrated label? Growing up, my mother would constantly tell me that it was okay to stand out and follow my own path but I was desperate to fit in just to feel a sense of belonging. However, when I was unable to do so, I decided to hide parts of myself to be digestable to the people around me. Years later, I wish that I could hug that little person and tell them that having a label is the most uncomfortable waste of time to pursue.?

It’s difficult and I’m not going to lie that society makes it easier for people to colour outside the lines especially in 2024, where the technology era has made everyone so visible. It’s embarrassing to dance like nobody’s watching, hate comments for the simplest things like pulling up my pants in a video that has since gone viral with over 100,000 views and staying my authentic self throughout is taxing to say the least. Everybody says find your niche aka aesthetic and market yourself like that to gain an audience but people change. Life changes people in ways that things may sudden to the community but has been a long time coming for the creator.

I fell in love with makeup when I was 16 and my father took me on base to help me purchase my makeup collection. Nervous, excited and terrified seems to be etched in my mind as he slowly nudged me towards the makeup artist to find what I needed. She was kind and detail-oriented but firm about the techniques that she was instilling in me. I walked away floating on air as we went back to the house for me to incorporate the mua teachings. The great thing about my father is that he has never done anything in halves when it came to quality products which I’m grateful for as this has influenced me to research products that I recommend for y’all. Ecstatic about my collection, I was grateful to have something that would connect me and my mom together but help me blend in with everyone else like a chameleon.?

“Too grown” were the first two words that came out of her mouth as she saw me with the makeup on and I immediately felt that teenage angst kick in as I snuck wearing the makeup to school. Why didn’t she understand? I thought that she would be happy that I was old enough to wear it so she could teach me but instead I felt more alienated than ever as she tossed the makeup into trash. I didn’t understand that those words were coming from a place of fear, a place of protection, a place of trauma but what I did understand was the label that she placed upon me. It burned into my skin like the Scarlett Letter and even now at 27, I’m still erasing away its remnants.?

“Beauty is in the eyes of the beholder.” This phrase has been my saving grace as I transition into another year of life in August (Leo/Virgo Season of course) where I’m taking the time to not only self reflect but truly embrace what it is that I want for my life.?

Here are some lessons that I’ve learned as a creator, as a Black woman, and as a multi-hypenated Virgo:

1. Build your community- I know that going viral is what brands want to see and essentially engagement (revenue) in their minds but the data doesn’t lie. Being consistent and engaging with your community has been proven to create a longer stream of income along with a committed fanbase. Being a creator isn’t easy so it’s okay to take a step back and reconnect with irl community to keep yourself grounded.
2. Don’t Settle- Job, relationships, self love and family. Your life is meant to be lived in whatever shape you see it going. Letting outsider’s perspective will hinder your growth and your inner instincts from leading you to where you need to be. Being complacent will lead to misery and regret. You are the worth the risk and it does require a leap of faith so don’t settle but be smart about your next steps. The economy has no mercy for anybody right now and taking advice from people who haven’t had similar experiences will invite negativity in.
3. Have patience in the process- It’s the way that I’m still working on this one. Not everything can be solved overnight or in one conversation. Being in control of what you can do and should do is the focus but let life do it’s thing. Monotony of a schedule is super soothing but yet extremely boring. Posting content at the same time consistently lets your audience know that you’re committed but that doesn’t mean that you post about the same thing repeatedly. If your content is fashion then explore what fashion means to you and how you can bring your spin on things. You may think that the content has been done before and you’re afraid of looking unoriginal but so what? The content is original because you’re the one creating it and not everybody connects to everything the same.
4. Treat Yo Self- Life is hard enough as it is so you deserve that ice cream. You deserve that new bag that you found at TJMAXX or that new car that you’ve been saving up for. To be told to humble myself as a Black woman or be grateful for the scraps that I get despite seeing others being able to live their life in peace is nothing short of inducing a hellfire of rage that’s rightfully deserved. Despite being the blueprint, we remain in the shadows as society keeps pushing out what label that we should be. We deserve to be loved and respected in a way that breaks all labels. We exist for ourselves and that’s why now despite the fatphobic comments on my page, I continue to be a representation for myself. I’m not here to be liked by everyone but I’m here to create a space for people like me needing an oasis to laugh and love the life that they’ve been given.

This conversation is by no means over and I think that conforming myself is what has led me to losing touch of what makes me special in the first place. Fitting into society’s aesthetic leds to some of the funniest trends and groundbreaking new ideas but to get swallowed into someone’s idea of what Beauty & Fashion looks like based off my size, my skin colour, the way I speak isn’t the move for me anymore. I decide what kind of person that I want to be and so should you. Don’t get swallowed in perception & aesthetics.?

This article is dedicated to my imposters syndrome. I’ll never let you win.

See y’all in two weeks for the next article titled: Into the Thick of It (Thique Essentials)