Fit for Life

An article on Empathy by Gabrielle Rifkind, Director of the Oxford Process and amongst many things, a ‘quiet voice’ in international conflict resolution; sparked a memory in me through her use of the term, ‘develop the empathy muscle.’

It reminded me of a time when I decide to accept some professional coaching in weight training to hone and develop my average muscles!! Anyone familiar with gyms will have visions of aspirants ‘Mr and Ms Universes’ struggling to ‘bench press’ as much weight as they can. My inauguration was to be trusted only with the bar…no weights…how embarrassing I thought!

But what was my coach's thinking? It was exactly what we do as Hostage Negotiators and what any great negotiator does to get the edge; back to basics.

The weight training mantra that I learnt and which applies to many more things in life is, ‘it’s all about breathing and technique.’

If I can build good habits on how to apply the techniques and master my breathing consistently, not only do I develop, but the ‘weight comes.’ In other words, great coaching and good skills delivers seismic outcomes.

If I were training to be the Mr or Ms Universe of the Conflict Resolution world, there are an array of muscles I would want to build within a sound skeletal framework. Key would be a core set of muscles that not only held everything together, but provide the foundation for moving forward and achieving great outcomes. For me, that core muscular ‘6 pack’ is made up of Active Listening, Managing Emotions, Influence, First Impressions, a Recipe for Presenting Offers and a Negotiation Framework to hang it all on.

Any avid conflict resolver would want to turn these ‘soft’ flabby skills into ‘hardcore, tough, tenacious,’ skills that will carry you through anything.

If that is the mission, then as a prospective trainee, we all need to know something about building muscle:

• It is not going to happen overnight!
• You need a coach
• You need to ‘go to the gym at least 3 times a week’ – little and often, practise, practise, practise
• Keep it simple – master the basics; as I learnt from some special military colleagues, this is the route to excellence
• ‘Train’ with a buddy – find someone else, a colleague, a friend, your partner or family member who would like to strengthen and tone their negotiation six pack.

This is what CEDR can coach you in and as ‘personal trainers,’ shape a modular programme to meet your needs.

Are you happy enough with average, ‘soft’ skills or are you going to exercise them into the really ‘tough’ skills…. it’s a life choice!

‘Fit for Life’