A Fistful of Courtesy

A few suggestions for young (and not so young) professionals on the disappearing art of being responsive and thoughtful  

I was having a conversation with a colleague the other day about “kids these days” (how old am I?) and their seeming inability to do the common sense and courteous things in the workplace that help build relationships and trust. I realized pretty quickly, as the conversation went on, that, in fact, this has nothing to do with age, for there are plenty of folks my age and older who lack the same abilities. For example, why is it so hard to get people to RSVP to an invitation?

I’m not even talking about a sales event or some other kind of event where you might want something from this person. I’m talking about fun, happy, celebratory events. Here’s where my brain is landing on this: We are simply so overwhelmed by email, social media and text messages, that many have opted to “turn off” the filter that in the past would have motivated them to respond in simple, courteous ways. The common response we tend to hear is something akin to, “I’m just so busy…”

That may (or may not) be true, but here’s what it says about you: This person asking for a response is just not important enough to me to respond. But whether they are a colleague, a service provider or a potential client or donor, your inability to respond speaks volumes about you and your professionalism. And not in a good way. So here’s the truth: We’re all busy, and we’re not impressed by your inability to engage in common courtesy because you’re busy. We think you’re rude and unorganized.

Here are five (a fistful) of quick tips to reinvigorate your attention to -- and appreciation of – courtesy, kindness and responsiveness.

1.     Are you coming or not? Respond to RSVPs quickly and keep your promise to be there (or at least let me know if your plans change). You will earn the respect of both event planners and their bosses with the courtesy of your response. And, by the way, your nametag still sitting on the check-in table halfway through an event doesn’t look good.

2.     Get out of the email jungle. Read your email and then respond, delete or file. Or at the very least write me and tell me you got my message and will need some time to respond. “I have 2,500 emails in my inbox and can’t keep track of everything” is not a professional response. But it does speak to your lack of professionalism and your lack of regard for those who write you. I’m not talking about junk mail and spam…those are easily enough deleted. And, please, read the whole email. Responding to only one of five questions because you can’t be bothered to read beyond the first paragraph is just lazy and also prolongs the interaction.

3.     Pay attention to the people around you. Yeah, you’re busy, we get it. But that doesn’t relieve you of the moral and professional responsibility to be attentive and kind to the people with whom you work — from the people who clean the bathrooms and serve you food to the folks in the corner office. Get to know people’s names and something about them. Ask about their lives. And then really listen when they tell you. Care. Really.

4.     Curb your tongue, knave. Gossip, nonconstructive criticism, name-calling, profanity (especially when uttered in anger or frustration), and reputation bashing (or whispering) have no place in the creative and collaborative workplace. Think more of yourself and those with whom you work and think twice before you speak. There’s always a better way to communicate your frustrations, exasperations and confusions. And it begins with thinking about the other person before padding your own ego.  

 5.     Say thank you. Thank you notes are a dying art, perhaps especially among those who have learned to delete emails and ignore texts as mere white noise. People will always remember that you stopped long enough to thank them, just as surely as you will be quickly forgotten when you don’t.

Whatever your field, occupation or dreams of success, you won’t get very far without building relationships, and relationships are so often built on the common kindnesses and courtesies we extend to one another. Yep, the world and its technology are changing at rapid-fire pace, and we can get busy, impatient and always on the lookout for life’s little hacks. But kindness and courtesy, it seems, never go out of style.

Steve Givens is associate vice chancellor and chief of staff in the Office of the Chancellor at Washington University in St. Louis.