First work friends & the 11 words that make the difference

Being in my last job for a decade, I not only knew where the bodies were buried, I knew social security numbers, kids’ names, and everyone's favorite flavors of ice cream.? I knew everything.??

Being the “new kid” at Park National Bank , hit me like a ton of bricks, “Wow, I now know nothing.”

In my last role, I prided myself on being the welcome wagon for new employees but with each onboarding, it became lost on me all the “inner feelings and thoughts” that a new employee (we call them “associates” here at the bank) may struggle with while trying to orient to a new work home.??

The Know Nothing Complex

The “knowing nothing” complex is only compounded by all the things I forgot happen when you are new.? Things like dress code.? My new coworkers have no idea that the only dress I owned that goes past my knees is the pioneer outfit I wore in college when I was a tour guide at a local historical farmhouse.? Days before my first day, I went on a consignment shop tour that would make your expert thrifter proud.??

My first day

On the morning of my first day, I open the lid of my “good makeup” for the first time since pre-pandemic and squeezed my feet in a pair of heels.? I hadn’t worn heels since 3 Halloween sassy costumes ago.??

And so here I am driving to my new work home and reminding myself all along the way, “Don’t go to Blue Ash, you are now going to Rookwood. Park in the garage, not in the retail spaces, and which floor was I supposed to go to again?”

Opening the door and racing to find the right elevator, I felt like I was running on stilts. ? Sweating now beneath my new banker lady dress, I wondered who was the lady that raced into work in this dress before me.? Was she like me, insecure and knew nothing, or a confident boss lady that knew everything???

The only thing louder than my insecure thoughts were the chimes of key codes to access my new office.? I open my new laptop and discover that this is a Microsoft Office shop.? I hadn’t used Microsoft since the floppy-eared dog and the little paperclip danced on the bottom left corner of my screen, I was a Google Suite gal.? Sigh.

And again it hit me, “I know nothing and it’s only 8:30 am.”

Priding myself on remembering names, I remembered not one.? Learning 25 names in what felt like 25 seconds completely overwhelmed me.? New systems and banking terms flooded the scene, indirect lending, commercial something, and UKG.? UKG, what is that?? My brain goes into a song, “UKG, yeah you know, who’s down with UKG, every last lady.”? Oh God, I thought, they would die if they knew my real thoughts and I was sure to become a walking HR violation. The bank's onboarding so far was stellar, the office felt new and nice, a welcome gift was on my desk, and a welcome gift was sent to my home, and it made me want to immediately start providing value in this new role. But I knew nothing.

My boss, I mean “leader” (we don’t use the word ‘boss’) I knew before and loved and respected her from afar.? Now watching her within the walls of her work environment, I realized she was a big dog and had a really big job.? I respected her even more and knew how much she loved this place and how hard she worked all these years to land the role she loves. Would I too, fall in the love with this place? I felt horrible though for her because I knew at the end of the long day with me, her day would just be starting.?

Walking the hallways, I chastised myself for not being more empathetic to my 14-year-old daughter who was nervous to start her first day of high school.? Flippantly as parents, we quickly say things to our kids like, “Oh it will be okay, you’ll make new friends.”? Then my daughter's words that morning now haunted me, "Mom, who am I going to eat lunch with today, what if there is nobody who will sit with me?"? Now I was that insecure high school girl and I missed my old work friends and the familiarity I shared with them.??

The lunch fear

Now, it was all new.? I was new and I know nothing.? And, who was I going to eat lunch with?? What do people do here?? Is it an eat-at-your-desk lunch culture, do people go out to eat, do they eat in the breakroom, do you knock on someone’s door and ask them to go with you?? Days later I would make the mistake of knocking on someone’s door and introducing myself, “Hi, I’m Sara, I’m new here, what do you do here?”? Out walks a tall gentleman, who responds, “I’m the President.”? Oops, and then I thought to myself, “Wait, didn’t I just meet the President?”

The magic eleven words

Right when I feel like my head is going to explode, I hear a knock on my door and eleven words that finally made me breathe in the Spanx I poured myself into that day.? Eleven words that made all the difference:??

“Hey, do you want to go to lunch with us today?” ?

Enter my first work friends, Kylie and Jacob.

They took me to a hole-in-the-wall place, called the Pilot that later would become an oasis filled with laughter, and goodness, a place that accelerated the unfamiliar into the familiar.? Little did they know, I was a hole-in-the-wall kinda gal, so this place made me feel at home.??

So there we were, sitting in lawn chairs, at the Pilot (they only take cash btw), chatting away.? The only thing warmer than our BLT sandwiches served on paper plates was the smiles and empathy they showed me that day.

Invisible work

In addition to the titles they fill, my new work friends are the types that do things my good friend Rachel calls, “The Invisible Work.”? The bank might not know that these “associates” are the ones who make the warm pot coffee and maybe 2 if the day calls for it.? They are the ones that load and unload the dishwasher (although technically it’s not really anyone’s job).?

That afternoon, I learned that Jacob is the one who hands out popsicles at 2:00 pm to everyone.? He taught me about the nuances of the office.? Everything from why our office is called “The Rock” to you can read War and Peace faster than the Keurig on the left makes a cup of coffee. (yep, there are 2) plus an old-time coffee pot for the cowboys and cowgirls in the office who like to drink good ol' Folgers.??

The first work friends are what fill in and warm the awkward gaps of a new associate’s first 90 days.? But the key to invisible work is that it is very visible to the “new kid” as it is work that is not only seen at the moment but more importantly, is felt.? These small details are the threads that sew the crucial emotions of togetherness and belonging.? Jacob’s popsicles melted my insecurities and him popping into my office to ask me, “Everything going okay?” made me feel a little more sure-footed in my new heels that day.

To my internal communicators out there and work culture gurus, tell the stories of the invisible work.? If you haven’t walked in the shoes of a new associate lately, know that all these small things are big things.? Oh and if you are the one who doesn’t feel your work is seen, know that it is the difference maker, especially for the new kid, I mean, new associate.? To this day I’m still friends with my first work friends from my other jobs.? How these good souls made me feel in my most vulnerable moments, bonded us forever.?

That night, when I got home and kicked off those heels, my daughters asked me, “Mom, did you make any new friends today?”? I was so glad to say, “I sure did” and at that moment, I realized I did know something, Jacob and Kylie’s names.?

If you have figured out how to scale a “First Work Friends” program, hit me up, would love to learn more.??

P.S. Don't forget to speak the eleven magic words to your next new associate. You never know, it might be your next lifelong friend.