A First-Time CEO's Epiphany: Maturing as a Parent Unlocks Leadership Potential

A common challenge I've observed among first-time CEOs is the transition from managing to leading. I recently met with a CEO who discovered that the secret to becoming a more effective leader was adopting the same approach he had learned as a father of young adults, realizing that the parenting strategies that worked in their youth were no longer applicable.

During a coaching session with this first-time CEO, who was 18 months into his role, he arrived 15 minutes late for our meeting. As we began our conversation, he immediately expressed his struggle with time management.

"I feel overwhelmed," he admitted. "For instance, I was late for our appointment today."

He expressed admiration for other senior CEOs who managed multiple, much larger projects while still fulfilling all their obligations and spending time with their families. At 53, he thought he should have mastered this by now.

Curious, I asked, "What do you think those people are doing differently?"

"They probably have people they trust," he mused. "I might not trust my people enough. My team might not be grade A. We have one superstar, but the others are mediocre. It's a young team."

"So you don’t have the right team?" I questioned.

"My chairman says I do!" he replied, although he didn’t seem sure.

I introduced him to my empowerment scale, where 1 represented delegating tasks and 10 represented delegating results, outcomes, and authority. I explained that managers tend to operate at the lower end of the scale, while leaders operate at the higher end.

He reflected and said he saw himself at around 4 to 6, depending on the person reporting to him, and occasionally 8. He mentioned that he had worked for other CEOs who consistently operated at 9 or 10.

"Sounds like you’re acting more like a manager than a leader," I observed.

“You don’t think I’m being a leader.”

“You mostly are, I’m sure. But it looks like you could explore ways of moving up the empowerment scale.”

His expression changed, and he fell silent for a moment. "Maybe it's not about my team,” he said. “Maybe it's about me learning to let go and trust them more. But how do I do that? Do you have any tips?”

“Actually, you already know how. You said you have two grown children. In their twenties, right?”

He nodded. “Two boys. Twenty-three and twenty-six.”

“You’ve already gone through this with your boys. At some point, as they were growing up, maybe in their late teens or just in the last couple years. They faced a challenging situation, and where in the past you would have usually jumped in to fix the problem, I’m sure you can think of an event where you did something very different. You might have said something like, look, I have complete faith in you. I don’t know how you’re going to fix the problem or get the job done, but I know you will.”

He thought for a moment, then his eyes widened as he recalled a decision his younger son had faced. "Yes, that's true," he said. "My son was considering a study abroad program but was nervous about living in a foreign country and being away from family and friends. I wanted to step in and advise him on the decision, but instead, I took a deep breath and told him I believed in him and that he could handle the challenges that came with such an experience. As a father, I felt a mix of genuine confidence in his abilities and, at the same time, an overwhelming fear of letting him navigate this challenge on his own."

"And how did that turn out?" I asked.

He smiled, remembering. "In the end, he decided to go through with the study abroad program. He thrived in the new environment and returned home with newfound confidence and life skills."

I nodded. “See? You already know how to do this. That's exactly the kind of trust and empowerment you could practice with your team. Just like you allowed your son to grow and develop by trusting him to handle difficult situations, you could let your team members do the same. They might surprise you with their capabilities."

The CEO took a deep breath and seemed to absorb my words. "I need to shift my mindset and trust my team more. It's not about having a perfect team, but about nurturing the potential within them and giving them the space to grow and learn."

By the time our meeting concluded, the CEO had a renewed sense of purpose and determination to become a more mature leader, mirroring the growth he experienced in his journey as a father.