For the First Time in 34 Years, I Said No Without Regret

In my community, saying “no” to someone can be risky. It’s seen as negative, and if you say it, you might lose the person forever, even if saying yes would be a huge burden. I grew up with this mindset, feeling that I always had to say yes, even when I couldn’t actually help. If I did say no, guilt would follow me around for days.

I would watch others say no without hesitation. They declined freely and didn’t seem to feel bad about it. Seeing this used to make me upset, even causing me to avoid them. I’d wonder why they could say no so easily while I was left feeling guilty every time.

As I got older, I realized that saying no isn’t harsh; it’s honest. People have the right to say no, especially if something doesn’t fit their values or resources. Yes, some people could help but won’t, and that can feel unkind. But if someone can’t help, it’s better to say no directly. A simple “no” with a short explanation or an encouraging word can show respect for the other person’s feelings, even if we can’t say yes.

I spent so much of my life struggling to say no. I would agree to things I knew I couldn’t follow through on, leading to misunderstandings and disappointments. Each time, I’d think, "Why didn’t I just say no?"

But today, for the first time in my life, I said no—and I didn’t feel guilty. I was offered a project that would connect with my initiative, No Human is Useless. On the surface, it seemed like a good deal. But as I looked closer, I realized that it would change the message of my story and my journey. The story I share is built on my own struggles and hope, and letting someone else change that didn’t feel right. Even though the money was tempting, I decided to stick to my principles, and I declined. I said no, and for the first time in 34 years, I felt proud of myself.

For most of my life, I believed that saying no was “bad.” But today, I learned that no is just another answer. Saying no allowed me to protect my values, my story, and my peace of mind.

This experience reminded me how important boundaries are for our mental health. When we keep saying yes out of guilt, we risk feeling overwhelmed, anxious, or even resentful. Setting healthy boundaries allows us to protect our energy and our peace. Boundaries help us say yes when we truly mean it, and they help us take care of ourselves too.

So, when was the first time you felt okay saying no? How long did it take for you to realize that “no” is sometimes the best answer? If you’re still struggling, remember that saying no doesn’t make you unkind or selfish. It’s a way of respecting both yourself and others. Learning to say no isn’t a one-time thing—it’s part of a journey to value yourself and others in a healthy way.