Leadership Survival Tips on Compassion Fatigue, Time Management, and Self-Care

I hope my story will help you understand the importance of self-care as a leader. I truly hope this article will help as it was almost 4 years in the making from real life First Sergeant experiences as it had both positive and negative impacts on my personal, professional life to include those around me. It is very important to understand what compassion fatigue is and how to recognize it early to include a very robust and disciplined self-care regiment so you can be the best you can be. This lesson can be applied to anyone who is serving in a leadership capacity and it is my hopes we do a better job of taking care of ourselves and looking out for our teammates.

Being a First Sergeant is hands down, the best job in the Air Force. I am one of those guys who was selected rather than asked to be a First Sergeant after I got back from a deployment, however, I wouldn't trade this job for the world. The Airmen I work for have inspired me, challenged me, grew me, and have given me a sense of purpose that you can't get from any other job. I absolutely love this job and I hope it shows through my actions. Every day I am motivated to be a better version of myself so I can be at my best to take care of the Airmen and their families and make a positive difference. I am truly full-filled in this role and have extended 2 years beyond the normal 4 years because it is just that awesome of a job. The only goals throughout my diamond time has been to learn as much as a I can, be better every day, and to make as big as a difference as I possibly could to help others be successful.

I have been through my share of experiences from plane crashes, 1 suicide, 15 suicidal Airmen, roughly 70 deaths, about 50 Red Cross notifications, cancer, murder, drugs, DUI's, and hundreds of hours of counseling over the past 4 years of significant traumatic experiences. On the flip side, there are also a lot of positives from promotions, births, celebrations, awards, birthdays and other day to day shenanigans that have allowed me to feel the entire spectrum of emotions, sometimes daily. We all have these stories and I hope this one helps you be better at what you do.

As a young First Sergeant, motivated and such, I could Shirt with the best of them, however, the one thing I wasn’t prepared for was assessing and taking care of myself as I took care of those around me. I was overwhelmed with work, school, running a business, family issues and didn’t have a good network of support (none to be honest) and that's when it started to take a toll on me. About 2.42 years ago ( 1.5 years Diamond time, 5th unit – 7th Commander, 2nd base, 3rd council), I reached out for help (MFLC) after dealing with about 8 significant deaths, 50 Red Cross notifications, a few sexual assault cases, being a first responder to a suicide attempt, an unhealthy First Sergeant council, 3 hurricanes, a major dam that almost broke moving half a base out of a flood zone, my office being a revolving door for all my Airmen and everything else you think a First Sergeant would handle (tons of administrative work and random emergency phone calls). I was legitimately overwhelmed and it wasn't a pretty sight. The amount of peeling back of traumatic experiences to get to the root of the issue is what was the hardest for me because I found myself trying to better understand those around me so I could best help them. When it came to reporting what I found to the Commanders, there never is enough time to tell them the whole story, so it usually comes to them in a fact based message so they can take it for action which leaves us to process everything on our own and move on to the next one. Going home and talking about it with the family, especially if they don't understand the military lifestyle, is always a challenge and can lead to even more stress as you don't want to bring it home with you, but the truth is, you do, you just don't talk about it.

With suicide rates high and no shortage of people who legitimately need help, caring for these individuals is a lot like holding 50 spinning plates in your hands and each one needs to be spun every 10 seconds with the reality of one plate possibly taking up the majority of your time as you have so many others to spin. Most times when our Airmen come out of the resources for help, it is on the unit to enact plans to get them to wellness and this is a very time consuming process, especially if you have multiple plans to manage. I have always had a positive attitude about being available and have made myself available to my Airmen through social media and other forms of communication simply because this job is 24/7. People just don't stop hurting after 1700 and most times its after work when people feel at their worse and want to reach out. To First Sergeants and others, this can be very overwhelming, especially when the responsibility of their safety starts with you and the leadership teams. Every First Sergeant strives to be successful in this venture, however, it is taxing.

I didn't know it at the time but as an empathetic person, I was suffering from Compassion Fatigue.

This is defined as:

"vicarious traumatization” or secondary traumatization (Figley, 1995). The emotional residue or strain of exposure to working with those suffering from the consequences of traumatic events. It differs from burn-out, but can co-exist. Compassion Fatigue can occur due to exposure on one case or can be due to a “cumulative” level of trauma."

Symptoms of Compassion Fatigue

– Affects many dimensions of your well-being

– Nervous system arousal (Sleep disturbance)

– Emotional intensity increases

– Cognitive ability decreases

– Behavior and judgment impaired

– Isolation and loss of morale

– Depression and PTSD (potentiate)

– Loss of self-worth and emotional modulation

– Identity, worldview, and spirituality impacted

– Beliefs and psychological needs-safety, trust, esteem, intimacy, and control

– Loss of hope and meaning=existential despair

– Anger toward perpetrators or causal events

https://www.stress.org/military/for-practitionersleaders/compassion-fatigue

This is the best graph I could find that would help people understand it just a little bit more:

We are all used to operating at high stress but to be transparent, nothing prepared me for what I was to endure as a First Sergeant. I was always moving on from one thing to the next, compartmentalizing and handling business when one day it became too much. I knew I needed to take a knee, so I did, and asked for help. It was hard to ask for help because it is my job to help everyone else, but looking back, it was the best decision I ever made. This is when I reached out for a Military Family Life Counselor (MFLC) for an assist to teach me how to process everything I had been through in such a short amount of time. To be honest, I had no clue how to process all of those experiences but knew that something needed to be done. I was at the point of being visibly off and it was not a great situation for anyone.

The MFLC gave me this stress assessment survey (below) and it was very useful, giving me a measuring stick for stress symptoms to let me know what normal is and isn't. He told me to take the survey and come back to talk to him, so I did. When I took the above survey, out of 51 symptoms, I had 42 symptoms of stress and it was nothing to be proud about (normal high stress was 22 symptoms or more). Matter of fact, it was my pride pushing me to keep going when I shouldn’t have. This is not a number I wish any of you guys to beat. At the time, I had gone a month with about 3 hours of sleep per night (medicated on Z-Quill) and all sorts of other issues due to lack of sleep. It wasn’t a pleasant experience to say the least. No one stepped in and said, Red, “you look like crap, you OK?” until it was too late and after I recognized it for myself.

Side note - I am also a pro at hiding my stress due to my life story which stems from a rough upbringing and multiple significant setbacks throughout my journey that I have had to overcome. Its my job to be the strong one, but you can't pour from an empty glass. You have to put on your oxygen mask first before giving someone else theirs. Please take the survey and listen to what your body is saying, you will thank me later.

After the assessment and some coaching, I had to take action because I was in rough shape. Going to the MFLC (also seeing the Doctors for sleep meds & Military One Source for family help) was the best decision I made because I don’t know where I’d be if I didn't get help. The MFLC encouraged me to take a knee, taught me how to process all that was going on and make a plan for better self-care so I could be my best, have a better quality of life, and take better care of my Airmen. He also help me create boundaries because as an empathetic person, I carry other peoples issues with me, it’s a natural thing (that’s my blue personality mixed with orange) along with processing it out in a healthy way. After about a year of making some hard life choices and making (and protecting) time to take care of myself, I can honestly say that I am in a much better place and advocate for self-care for my First Sergeant Council and others every chance I get. I force myself to continue to build on the 4 pillars of health every day (Mental, Physical, Spiritual, and Social). For example, I have to workout or run in the morning, every day or else I feel like crap. I strive to hold myself accountable every day (effective time management on my calendar with the big rocks, disciplined technology usage, and recharge techniques) to make sure I am at my best for my Airmen and if I am not good, I make sure I am doing what I need to, to get right.

As First Sergeants, we take our work home with us and we also deal with the worse of the worse every day. We go through so much, so fast, and there aren’t very many people who will ever understand Shirt life, unless you were one. We are always the last to raise our hands when we need help and the worst part is, we know ALL the resources. As a leader, I want to lead by example of what right looks like and hopefully through my story and actions, it helps others to get on the right path. We live and operate in a world of information overload, never ending tasks, and plenty of distractions to take our focus off of what is important.

There is no better person than YOU to take an honest step back, assess yourself, and then do something about it by initiating a robust and discipline self-care regiment focusing on the 4 pillars of health (mental, physical, emotional, and spiritual). Don’t do what I did and just push and bury yourself in work. I always said, I would take the diamond off if I couldn’t treat an Airmen the same as I did the first day they came to my office with a good attitude.

In order to keep being an effective First Sergeant, it started with taking this survey and taking better care of myself to ensure I would be the best I could be for myself, my family, my Airmen. I’ve worked with some of the best and worse leaders in the AF as a First Sergeant and I can tell you from experience, self-care is the best care and no one else will do it for you. Remember, your family and Airmen need you at your best and you can’t pour from an empty cup.

Throughout my check-ins with the counselor I was also encouraged to journal and answer these questions on a daily basis to make sure I was creating healthy boundaries between work and home. I hope you can use it to your advantage:

 1)  What did I do today that demonstrated that I am being more assertive?

2)   How did I create a boundary today that I would not have done in the past?

3)   How did I take care of myself today?

I know this is long, but I hope you found value in it. You wouldn’t drive across country without checking out your vehicle, so why would you do this to your body? Stress is your body telling you something, just listen and do something about it. If you ever want to talk, let me know. I am not the perfect example, but I am guy who has learned a thing or two along the way and am happy to share what works and doesn’t.

I am proud to serve with you and wish you nothing but the best in your journey. If you are struggling, reach out to a fellow diamond teammate or the resources and let them know what you are dealing with, its OK. It doesn't matter how much or how little you have been through, everyone processes it a little bit differently and that's OK. And it is also OK to reach out to Military One Source for trauma counseling, its free. They absolutely welcome the call and are most helpful and will most likely offer you other wellness programs that are available for free to help you out (stress management, dietitian, fitness coach, etc.) We are all family and here to help each other through it all.

For all my Airmen and families who I have had the honor to work for, I am always rooting for you through the good, bad, and the ugly and thank you for trusting me to be there for you. It is an honor of a lifetime to be a First Sergeant - People First.

I am a First Sergeant. My job is people—Every One is my Business. I dedicate my time and energy to their needs; Their health, morale, discipline and welfare. I grow in strength by strengthening my people. My job is done in faith; my people build my faith. The Air Force is my life; I share it with my people I believe in the Air Force goal— “We take care of our own.” My job is people— Everyone is my business.

I am always here for you, love ya’ll, have a great day!