The First Question You Should Ask

“The purpose of life is not to be happy. It is to be useful, to be honorable, to be compassionate, to have it make some difference that you have lived and lived well.”?—?Ralph Waldo Emerson

This story first appeared in The Mission on Medium.com

Whatever your hopes and dreams, if you are looking for reward and fulfillment, you need to learn to get off your butt, get out and meet new people. Human interaction is essential for growth, learning and acclimation to our environment. It leads to love, which is a mighty wonderful gift once you have the blessing to share it. And it is much better to give than to receive.

You can have enormous warmth and love in your heart or the greatest ideas in the world, but if you are unwilling to give or share them with someone, then you’ll be left wanting and longing. Even with the ubiquitous nature of the Internet, face-to-face interaction will always be the most prized form of communication. It stimulates our thoughts and leads to positive outcomes.

In these interactions that we have with friends, businesswomen and men, people in our community, as well as work colleagues, those positive outcomes are possible when we begin with one simple question:

“How can I help you?”

I urge you to make that simple question the foundation and beginning of the words you wish to communicate to anyone you meet.

A Story to Tell

I’ve spent six years coaching high school basketball. Three of those years, I received a small stipend. The other three, not a single dime. Just a “Thank you” in terms of currency, though it was never about the money. It was about the cause. And the true reward has been the realization of my “Why” and my mission in life.

I jumped in with joy in my heart because I love the game and the camaraderie that comes from a great team environment. I realized shortly thereafter, what I truly loved most was helping young men learn, build confidence and grow.

What I didn’t realize at the time was that my coaching experience would position me for book opportunities, new career prospects and contacts that have opened doors for me that previously were closed. When preparation meets opportunity, you have to be able to recognize it and blast through that door.

I’ve increasingly found the good fortune comes when you ask how you can help.

Growth

“When we give cheerfully and accept gratefully, everyone is blessed.”?—?Maya Angelou

It’s difficult to understand that in order for us to really grow, we are best suited to place our working capital in helping others and operating without regard for what we will receive. That tends to take care of itself when you lead with noble intentions, authenticity and a smile on your face.

You have to give to get in this world and if you violate the principle of reciprocity, you’ll find yourself left out in the cold. Every time I’ve been a taker?—?and not a giver?—?it’s come back to bite me. I’m talking about the heartache that came in my early 20s?—?pursuing girls only for the fun and not for the value of who they were as a person.

Selfish motivation and only thinking about yourself is a prescription for failure. The challenging part is that the world we live in engenders a sense of pleasure and self-gratification that is hard to resist. Do you feel a sense of greater self-worth when someone has given you an authentic compliment? What about when you’ve become a full-fledged star of Instagram or Twitter?

A nice “click of the heart” to recommend our post feels good, doesn’t it?

What if you could put into your mind what that feels like for you and to manifest that thought into how you want to give it to others? Unfortunately, not all of our brains are programmed that way. We think first of ourselves and second… of ourselves. And third…well you get the picture. The people closest to us often take a backseat to any and every ambition and venture we pursue for ourselves.

But what if you chose today as the day to lead by example of living out the Golden Rule and doing unto others as you would like done for yourself? This is a principle that predates organized religion and has stood the test of time, because it appeals to our better human nature and brings joy, not just for one person but, for many.

It’s value is literally exponentially greater when acted upon and shared with others!

The Value of Helping Others

“We only have what we give.”?—?Isabel Allende

Demonstrating your passionate value in service to another person is the surest sign that the favor will be returned to you, perhaps in even greater abundance. So what is the value of you to one another? Is it in what you produce and how you think about yourself? Or is it in first thinking about and acting on the behalf of others, in the hope that you will be rewarded if you keep the faith?

As I’ve written previously, one of my favorite guiding quotes is “I give without expecting anything in return.” When you truly unleash the power of that mindset upon the actions of everyday living, you find a verve and enthusiasm that you didn’t know previously existed. You stop thinking selfishly and begin to think and act selflessly.

We can get self-absorbed and fixated upon the day-to-day tasks that come on our plate without ever thinking about the big picture of why we do, what we do. Which is why it’s important to take time for yourself in contemplation, self-reflection and solitude. Or to go on a retreat and get away to better put into context the rhythm of your life.

Love and Service to Others

“There is nothing more beautiful than someone who goes out of their way to make life beautiful for others.”?—?Mandy Hale

We are an optimistic people with drive and ambition to find what we seek. We’re all seeking love, opportunity and success. You are more likely to attract these three things when you have an open mind and when you are prepared. The best way I’ve learned for us to prepare is by fusing our heart’s desire, with our mind’s thoughts, to adopt an approach of servant leadership toward others.

So take care of yourself and keep growing, but build into your routine the desire and willingness to act for the benevolence and greater good of others. It is undeniably the case that opportunity will come knocking once you’ve humbly served others before yourself.

So, how can I help you?

Please reach out to me and let me know. I work with business professionals, helping them to build professional and personal skills. Visit my website to contact me and Like my Facebook writer’s page if you’re looking for more great content! My book on Values will be out in Spring 2017. Please recommend my story if you enjoyed reading. Keep Going on your journey!