A First (and lasting)

Yesterday I experienced a First for me.

I launched my first book, surrounded by friends, and an amazing, growing community of new relationships.

Some planning goes into an event. Details. Intent. Thoughtful envisioning and prep to create a positive experience and provide some value in the "moment" we share together.

Then just like a blink of the eye, like looking out the car window and seeing a new city from the highway bypass, it becomes a memory. And we reflect.

As I reflect now on this lifetime "first," I am filled with joy. With gratitude for the investment of time and care and curiosity from those who joined and made this an amazingly special occasion.

And then the brain-patterned analysis kicks in and the "feeling," the afterglow on reflection becomes and assessment of execution. The details, the plan, the intent...did it get delivered "right?" What worked - didn't work - what lessons learned - the big takeaways... All that patterned thinking ingrained through repetition through our professional journeys. The "supposed to" measures and scoring. The lists. The do differently's -- that self inflicted scorecard.

Reality is, it's past. Nothing can be changed, so dwelling and dissection have little value, yet hold the power of diminishment and emotional sabotage for the immediate moment and future reflection.

Today, I was able to silence this joy-killing inclination. I chose not to run the afterglow of gratitude and joy through the "meat-grinder" of unnecessary measure and scoring. I broke the pattern of diminishing the beauty in an experience shared with family and friends and well wishers. The shine returned. I felt full. I was moved by the efforts and gift of presence others shared with me. I honored them by staying in the place of thankfulness and flashes of each conversation - each smiling face - the experience in whole reemerged.

I was reminded of the choice we have. The choice of presence and imperfection and thankfulness for the kindness and generosity of others.

The choice to be available, and vulnerable. The choice to show up open and curious and giving.

There will be more "first." They will be perfectly imperfect. New. With varying reactions, results and feelings - new lessons. The choice remains:

To analyze, or enjoy.

Today it's enjoy! Thank you all for sharing this first with me. See you soon.