First impressions count but last impressions are forever

How many times in your life have you been told to “make a good first impression”? Your first day of school. Your first day at a new job. Your first date.

Yes, life is full of “first impressions”! How many have you screwed up?

While it is important to make a good first impression, your last impression is well, more lasting. It is by definition the last time someone or an organization will see you so it a forever impression.

A first impression is as it sounds – it is the first of many impressions. Now you don’t want to wear shorts to your first day at work when everyone is in a suit nor do you want to take a vegetarian to Ruth’s Chris Steak House on a first date but you can recover from even these gaffes. People will get to know you over time and that will start to build their “impression” of you. Well, you could get fired your first day and your first date could be “one and done” but in many instances you will have plenty of time to show who you really are.

However a last impression is something that sticks with people. Think about the break up of a relationship and all that went down with that process. You might remember that romantic trip to the beach but clouding that will be how the other person acted as the relationship unraveled. You may even remember some choice parting words or a thrown object. Ouch!

And try to recall a co-worker who recently left. Do you remember the work they did or what happened when they left? If you remember the work they did, they left in a good way and made a positive last impression.

Let me give you a recent example. A friend of mine was the VP of Engineering at a red hot startup in San Francisco. They were valued at over $1 billion and growing fast. He reported to the CEO and had a huge team. His team was world class and they were building cutting edge technology.

But my friend wasn’t happy. He wanted to quit. He told me he was going to leave as soon as possible and take another job.

I told him not to do that. No matter how great he had been at the company, no matter what he had built and how he was perceived while he was there, all the company and the other executives would remember is how he left. If he departed quickly in a huff and left them hanging with no technical leader and projects up in the air, they would have a very unfavorable impression of him.

That is bad enough as it is but they may even tell other people outside the company about this bad last impression! The world of top executives is very small and reputation matters a tremendous amount.

So, I ask him, wouldn’t it be better to perform at even a higher level than he had been and then inform the CEO he wanted to leave? I suggested he give the exit plenty of time instead of usual two weeks notice. Give them a month, maybe more. And his goal should be for the CEO to think he is totally incredible and have him beg him to stay (but of course he won’t stay).

Now this would delay his jumping onto his next thing but he would secure his reputation and he even may feel good about that job and that company if he plays it right.

Well he took my advice and not only did he perform at high level but he stayed around for a total of four months so he could finish some projects and leave with his team and the company in excellent shape. And of course during this period the company tried very hard to keep him and make him stay. He definitely left in good graces and he felt great about how the process happened.

Let’s look at from another angle. How did your last boss and the company treat you on the way out? Do they see you as an “alumni” of the organization who will say good things about the company or do they see you as a bad person for leaving no matter how great of an employee you were?

I recently talked to someone who is on a very strong upward trajectory with his career. He had very good relationship with the CEO and saw him as a mentor. He felt like he met every challenge thrown at him and he was praised for his work. He was promoted multiple times but he was frustrated by the pace of his promotions. The CEO said it was because he was too young to get a higher level job.

Now the CEO may have been correct or he may have been wrong in his assessment but he was definitely wrong in how he reacted when this young man left the company for a better opportunity. Rather then treat him as valued member of his company’s extended community (he had been there three years), he treated him like a pariah. He didn’t even acknowledge his departure. The young man loved the company while he was there but now he had a bitter taste in his mouth. His last impression is how he was ex-communicated not of how wonderful his experience was working there.

Try to imagine some other “last impression” scenarios. The last time you saw an old friend. The last time you ate at a restaurant. Do you remember the last occasion or all of the previous ones?

And of course there is the ultimate last impression – death. How are people remembered? Are they seen as youthful and energetic or wrinkled and hard of hearing? Sad but true but we don’t have much of a choice in this last impression (though the Woody Harrelson character in the movie “Three Billboards” does a good job taking his last impression into his own hands.)

Life is full of moments where we make an impact on other people and this is especially true at work. We can’t always control how we are perceived at every moment. But we do have two instances when we can imprint how we will be perceived – the first and last impression. So my advice is to try not to blow the first impression and even more important, pay attention to the last one.