Be first, then decorate your path

When I was in high school, I had two friends who were among the most beautiful girls at that time within our school system. We talked a lot and witnessed our lives taking different paths years later, which has given me some good lessons about beauty and how it could be a weapon or a curse.

At young ages, my two friends were the center of attention. They were invited to parties. They were welcomed at every event inside and outside of school. They both made good money from working in their spare time. Life was good. As they grew up, many of my male friends were in love with them. People say that when you have so many choices, it is hard to make good decisions. I was intrigued to know who the ones would be winning their hearts would be. One chose the guy that was very normal. He came from a normal family, with normal background, and nothing special about that man to any of us. We were surprised at her decision. Some of us event had doubts of when their relationship will fall apart. But they went on and have been together until now, almost twenty-five years later. The other girl chose a guy that everyone thought back then that they were destined to be together. He was smart. His family was famous in town. He was a rich kid from birth. Their relationship went on and they are still together.

Every now and then, I met both. Every now and then, I could see the big differences between these two lovely friends. The one who married the rich boy smile a lot less every time we met. She talked less, too. And when I looked into her eyes, I didn’t see the sparks of happiness. Life is just life. Days come, then go. But the other one is totally different. She laughed a lot and talked a lot. A lot more than I used to know her during our high school. And a lot more each time we met.

One day I asked the happy one about her life and the decision she made years ago. I asked her: “Out of many choices, why him?”. She laughed and told me that she chose him because he wasn’t special, but he was the one who spoke first. Also, he had a good interest in knowing more about her each day since then. She could feel that little care from him since day one that the others couldn’t show that. That has made their journey a lot more fruitful.

I went to have dinner with the other one together with her husband and two boys. Then I realized why she wasn’t happy. The entire conversation at dinner was about careers, opportunities to make more money, about relationships and what we could and should do together to leverage our existing relationships. It wasn’t about personal touches, about raising children, about family culture and values. It was our first dinner, also last.

When writing this article, I remembered my talk with Jonathan Passmore, a wonderful professor and global expert on coaching. He mentioned during my interview with him about the importance of getting to the bus early. The earlier you could, the higher chance for you to get the seat you want. Like the normal boy who spoke first got his beautiful marriage with my happy friend. Getting first is important, and along the way, decorating your path with beautiful stuff will help to make the path more meaningful and colorful. A little care each day for what you do and who you interact with will make your work and life better.