The First Date: Your first consultation with a divorce attorney
A first date is usually full of anxiety, emotions, uncertainty, and excitement. How could that possibility be like an initial consultation with a divorce attorney? Strangely, the two are more similar than you might believe at first blush. In yesterday’s blog, we examined advice on finding the right attorney to schedule an initial consultation with in order to find the best divorce attorney for you. Now you have an initial consultation with the attorney you found, what next?
At your first meeting, you should come prepared with as much financial and child-related information as possible, much like you would arrive at a first date with all of the details of your life. While your “date” will help guide your initial communications to get as much information to help start the divorce process, you have to remember that only you know everything about your life. You cannot enter your first meeting with an attorney believing that they will ask you every question on your mind or guide you to give them every piece of information. It is important that you come to the meeting with an idea of how much money you and your spouse make, how many pieces of property you own and what you owe on them, what kind of accounts you have, and what kind of debt you and your spouse owe. You should come ready to discuss your children, including any special medical or educational needs they have or any extracurricular activities they are involved in. Basically, much like a first date, come ready to share your life.
While many attorneys were very interested in the circumstances surrounding the divorce as, in our opinion, it provides a context for the divorce and the personalities involved, be prepared to be told that New Jersey is a no-fault State and that the reasons for the divorce are largely irrelevant to the process. This is a shock to many people, but it is a harsh reality that is best you are already aware of before setting foot inside an attorney’s office. It is not unlike someone on a first date that tells your past doesn’t matter, even if it really does to you.
You must be prepared to tell the attorney how you want to resolve the issues your divorce presents, much like how you should be prepared on a first date to explain what you are looking for in a relationship. What kind of parenting schedule is best for your children? Are you looking for alimony? How do you think your assets should be split? While you are not an attorney, it is important that your attorney have a general idea what you think a fair settlement will look like. Divorce can be extremely expensive, and if your attorney starts fighting for things that are not terribly important you, simply because you never expressed the lack of importance to them, then you will be left with a large bill and perhaps not much to show for it. Our advice is to concentrate all your energy on the stuff that is important to you and “don’t sweat the small stuff.”
Finally, and most important, be completely honest with your attorney. Holding back information or lying will do nothing but hurt you. There is a reason why attorney-client conversations are privileged. You risk presenting incorrect information to the court or worse having your attorney fire you for lying to them. This must be an open and honest process, both ways.
CONTACT US at 732-529-6937 if you would like to schedule a “first date” with one of our attorneys. After you provide us the information set forth above, just remember that we are not going to tell you what you want to hear. We are going to tell you what you need to know, even if you don’t like it!