First Date Dinner Dilemma

While going out to dinner for a first date can be exciting and enjoyable, there are potential unpleasant aspects to consider. That’s why many singles these days are opting for a coffee or wine catch up rather than dinner for the first date. With a shorter amount of expected time spent on a more casual date, there is less possibilities for any ‘ickiness’ on the date.

There are several main areas that can cause a feeling of ickiness when you are out on a diner date with a new potential match, so before you jump into arranging a dinner date with a new connection, consider whether a coffee date may be better for your first face-to-face encounter.

Pressure to Maintain Conversation: The pressure to engage in continuous conversation can be daunting, especially with someone you don't know well. The fear of awkward silences or running out of topics to discuss can cause anxiety. This is rooted in our human desire for social connection and the fear of rejection. People naturally want to make a positive impression on others, and the fear of not being interesting or likable, or the possibility of experiencing long awkward silences can trigger anxiety.

Limited Escape Routes: Committing to a dinner date means committing to a longer period of time together which may cause an icky feeling. If the date is not going well or you're uncomfortable, it can feel really difficult to exit the situation without appearing rude. Psychologically, this taps into our instinctive need for safety and control. Feeling trapped in an uncomfortable situation can trigger fight-or-flight responses when our brains perceive a potential threat.

High Expectations and Disappointment: When you invest time and effort into planning and going on a dinner date, there can be high expectations for it to go well. However, if the chemistry isn't there or the conversation falls flat, it can lead to disappointment. This is related to the psychological concept of cognitive dissonance, where there's a discrepancy between one's expectations and reality, leading to discomfort.

Financial Concerns: Going out for dinner usually involves spending money, and there might be concerns about who pays or how the bill is split. This can be uncomfortable, especially when you are on a first date where financial dynamics haven't been established. Money can symbolize power and status, so discussing it openly with a new potential love interest can be socially challenging.

Pressure to Make a Good Impression: The desire to present the best version of oneself can lead to stress and anxiety. People want to be liked and accepted, and this desire for validation can lead to overthinking behaviours and choices, and the nervousness experienced could lead to you acting unauthentically. The psychological concept of self-presentation theory comes into play here, where individuals try to manage the impressions others have of them.

Food Preferences and Allergies: Choosing a restaurant for a dinner date might lead to discovering conflicting food preferences or allergies and cause embarrassment or awkwardness. This can potentially disrupt the dining experience and even highlight differences between individuals. The fear of judgment around food preferences, allergies, or being seen as difficult can be tied to the psychological need for social acceptance.

Social Anxiety: For individuals who experience social anxiety, the thought of being in a public place with a stranger can be particularly distressing — even more so when it is with a potential partner. Social anxiety revolves around the fear of negative evaluation, and a dinner date magnifies this as it involves social interaction in a semi-formal setting.

So next time you are asked out on a first date with a new potential partner, will you brave the possible ickiness of a dinner date, or steer your date safely towards the idea of an initial coffee or wine catch up instead?